You’ve read the 7 steps to Massive Motivation, but are you using them? Use this 7 step reminder and questionnaire to give yourself a motivation check-up from the neck up!

Step 1. Realize that it all starts in your mind.

The First step is to get real and realize that weight loss is about more than just eating and exercise. True and lasting health and slimness starts in your mind. It begins by loving yourself.

• Do you spend some time and effort each week working on your mindset? Affirmations, positive visualisation, hypnosis, coaching, following the Kickstart Motivation Program, reading these posts all counts towards mindset change.

2. Results: Decide exactly what you want.

You might think you have a goal already, but if you can’t clearly imagine your future self and your life after you have lost the weight then you don’t have a clear, tangible result yet. You need to be able to see, hear, feel, taste your final moment of success…

• Can you imagine your final moment of success?
• Do you have it written down and read it every day?
• Do you have a vision board of pictures that inspire you?

3. Reasons & Resolve: Why do you want it?

You must know WHY you want to get slim and healthy, why you want to make this change. And then resolve, decide and commit to doing it, to keep at it, whatever it takes. Your reasons are your most powerful motivator. Find the reasons that make you emotional.

• Do you know your key why?
• Does it make you emotional just thinking about it?
• Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get this?
• Do you have 100 reasons how achieving this goal will help you in all the other areas of your life?
• Have you resolved and completely committed to yourself that you will do whatever it takes to get this goal?

4. Release the emotional weight

When you process and release the emotional weight; the anger, sadness, frustration, self-loathing, judgement, then you feel better, and when you feel better you can more easily choose to look after yourself and be kind to yourself. To change permanently, from the inside out, you need to release the emotional weight and baggage of the past.

• Do you allow your emotions to flow through your body?
• Do you give yourself permission to feel your emotions?
• Have you taken the time to discover the emotions and thoughts that lead to you gain weight in the first place?
• Have you processed and released those thoughts and emotions from the past?
• Have you let the past go?

5. Reframe empowering meanings for exercise, health and your body

When you create empowering ideas about exercise, health and your body, you become intrinsically motivated and inspired to act. You don’t need a personal trainer yelling at you to get you up. You actually want to do it. What does exercise and eating well mean to you?

• What do you think and believe about food and activity?
• What do you believe about the possibility of becoming slim and healthy?
• Can you do it? Can you keep your results?
• Do you think of exercise in a positive or negative way?
• Do you think of food as nutrition and nourishment, or treats or deprivation?
• Have you written down and worked on all the negative beliefs about food and exercise?
• Do you believe that you can be slim and healthy and also safe, happy and empowered?

6. Refine and adjust your action plan & keep at it

Notice your results. This is the feedback from your body. Not every plan will work for every body. We are all different. You must notice and refine your plan based on your results.

• Do you measure your results on a weekly or monthly basis?
• Do you track whether you’re improving or not?
• Do you take action when you notice yourself slipping or not moving forward?
• Do you continue to read and learn about health, exercise and nutrition?

7. Relax, celebrate & enjoy your life as a slim person.

Celebrate your achievement of living healthy, and transforming into a naturally slim person. This outer change signals a bigger, more profound inner transformation. Even if you’re not at your final goal yet, celebrate each step of the journey. One day your habits will be so ingrained you won’t be able to imagine living any other way!

• Do you celebrate your daily and weekly achievements?
• Are you enjoying the journey?

Remember the Kickstart Motivation Program is a wonderful way to get working on your mind and thoughts to begin this change from the inside out!

Join the conversation…

I’d love to hear how you’re going with your check up.
Post your experiences or questions below and I’d love to assist you with anything that you need.

Why do you want to lose weight? Do you know? Understanding and exploring your true reason for losing weight is one of the most critical steps to success.

Often people say they want to look better, fit into their jeans, or feel better, however in my experience, I don’t think this is a strong enough reason for many people to actually do what it takes to get slim.

These are wishy-washy, general answers and don’t really get to the heart of the matter. When you uncover the reasons that make you get emotional, and that lead you to that “whatever it takes” feeling, that’s when you know you’ve got the reason that will see you achieve results. This kind of reason, leads to a resolve and commitment that will help you to overcome the tough days and keep going.

Would you risk your life to achieve it?

I recently read a great analogy from Michelle Berger the Buffmother. Her book was excellent and very inspiring, I highly recommend it. She talks a lot about your legacy and having a reason why that is bigger than yourself.  Would you risk your life to achieve your goal?

Imagine you are standing on one side of a river, there is slippery looking fallen tree that goes to the other side. The water is lapping at the log. You can see the river has a fast current and you can see crocodiles and pirahnas in the water, one the other side of the river you see a pride of lions in the distance and coming closer.

If you were to instantly achieve your ideal body weight and shape, and look better than you ever have before, would you cross to the other side of the river and back again?

Would you do it? Or would you hesitate?

Now, imagine that your newborn baby is on the other side of the river, dangerously close to the edge, and you see a crocodile coming closer, would you run across that log to save your baby from being tugged apart by a lion and crocodile?

It’s not even a competition. You’d be across that log faster than you could blink.

The power of a reason bigger than yourself.

This is the power of a reason that is about more than just you. When you have a reason that inspires you to act even in spite of danger or pain, then you have a reason that will get you results.

‘Looking good’ and ‘feeling better about yourself’ are for most people just not a strong enough reason to get you to act in spite of pain. Often losing weight and getting healthy is actually just a milestone or a step, that leads you to be able to achieve a larger or more meaningful goal.

How to find your BIG reason why?

• What do you really want?
• Why do you want this?
• Why do you really want this?
• And why do you want that?
• And why do you want that?
• And why do you want that?
• What do you want so badly that you would do anything to get it?
• What do you dream about that you would you be bitterly disappointed, if you got to the end of your life and and hadn’t achieved or attempted?
• What do you secretly dream about having in your life?
• What legacy would you like to leave in the world?
• What would achieving your ideal weight and health open up for you?
• What possibilities sing to you over the hill of having achieved this?
• What makes you burn with passion and conviction when you think about it?

My reason that got me results.

For me, I didn’t find my big reason why, the reason that compelled me to act and achieve my results until I fell in love, and my boyfriend went away on holidays. I loved him desperately and when I thought about being with him suddenly a whole new world of possibilities opened up for me. Being loved, having a family with an emotionally stable man with an amazing extended family, children, wonderful and successful friends, living a wonderful happy life all seemed like it was possible. And even though we got together while I was bigger, and I knew I was loved for who I was. I also knew that being overweight was not a part of that life that I wanted. It just didn’t fit. I was terribly afraid of losing the chance at that happiness. So my big reason why was to become the goddess that would have a successful, happy, loved, emotionally stable life.

Sometimes it’s hard to put your reason into words, but when I think about how much that dream meant to me at the time, when I was emotionally scarred and barely coping, is more than I can even express. I was willing to do whatever it takes.

If you want help to get clear on your goal, discover your big why and remove the emotional obstacles. The Kickstart Motivation Program will help you.

Dig deep inside yourself and find your reason, your legacy, your reason and you will find the fuel to create it, just as I have done.

What’s behind the housewife and mother weight gain phenomenon?

If you’ve been an avid Mad Men watcher, you’ll no doubt have been a little bit shocked by the storyline where the usually lithe and perennially stunning character Betty (Draper) Francis has rapidly gained a fair amount of weight between seasons. Betty is painted as a fairly unlikeable character and since her weight gain storyline there has been an explosion on the internet of nasty jokes about the character and much analysis of the complicated Betty and her emotional struggles which are so poignantly obvious in this episode.  If you’re interested you can read more about Betty On Pedestrian TV, GQ Online, and Bohemea.

However, I’m not so interested in analysing Betty as I am interested in what this brings up for you? What are your thoughts and experiences of the phenomenon of the housewife and mother weight gain?

What are the usual weight gain triggers at this time and how can we overcome or avoid them?

Shifting priorities and mother guilt.

The biggest shift when becoming a mother are your shifting values. Suddenly you and your needs are no longer your prime concern. You have a tiny person, or persons for which you are responsible and this causes a massive upheaval in your values. Your needs get shunted down the list as the parental hormones surge and you feel the parental love that would cause you to do “anything” to protect your children. This is usually the beginning of “mother guilt”, which can prevent you from doing things from yourself without waves of guilt.

Exhaustion Hunger.

With this new role comes sleep deprivation, and a steep emotional learning curve all at once. If you are getting by on broken and very limited sleep then food is your first and most instant source of energy to get you through. Attempt to plan ahead as much as possible and have emergency snacks, and pre-prepared meals that are easy to grab and run, so you don’t get tempted by high calorie, low nutrition foods when you are out.

Childhood and past ‘stuff’ surfacing.

I have found that in any life-transition like this there is often a huge emotional flux and often issues that you had thought long gone seem to re-appear or surface asking to be dealt with. When you become a parent and wife, then any issues or unresolved emotional pain about your own parents and childhood can surface as you grapple with creating your own identity within the roles. Your parents are your first and most powerful models that you have for creating your own identity and habits, often as a child you can misinterpret and misunderstand their behaviour and this can cause warped and one-sided perspectives that can cause pain or distress, which can resurface as you re-process your childhood now through the eyes of a parent, rather than a child. Many people say they understand their parents for the first time after becoming a parent.

Pressure in your relationship with your partner.

Your relationship with your partner comes under massive pressure at this time also, as you and your partner both go through these two re-organisations above, and your relationship comes under pressure too. You are no longer just the two of you, often sleep deprived and potentially under financial pressure, your sex drive, passion and intimacy can go out the window for extended periods of time.  Your partner may also be under the strain of being “the provider” ( unconscious social memes and expectations can be a huge influence at this time) and he may see you differently now that you are a mother.

Emotional journey of looking after children.

Looking after children is an emotional rollercoaster, at one end the huge highs, laughter, joy and intense love, and at the other end, frustration, guilt, anger, sadness and worry. This emotional journey and fluctuation can take a toll.

Grieving the loss of your own identity and dreams.

Many women consciously and unconsciously sacrifice parts of themselves to become parents, often giving up work, their hobbies, interests and friends, to become a parent. This can create a huge internal emotional strain and sense of grieving or loss. There can be a feeling of loss of your own dreams and hopes as you take on new roles and responsibilities.

Losing your ‘sexy’.

Pregnancy can take a huge physical and emotional toll on the body, and can change your own perception of your body and sexuality as parts of you that were once reserved solely for sex and pleasure, now become quite functional. Many women talk about losing their ‘mojo’ at this time.

Feeling like there’s not enough time, money, energy.

As your tasks, responsibilities and bills pile up and young children slow you down, you could buy into the idea that there is no time, energy or money to look after your health.

Facing your mortality

For some women having a child can bring up fears and concerns about their own mortality.

How can we navigate these obstacles successfully?

All of these emotional and psychological upheavals can lead to poor food choices, skipping exercise, not making time for yourself, putting yourself last and losing your drive and spark.  The key to navigating these obstacles successfully is to remember that the best way you can ensure success and happiness for your children is to create that for yourself.

Some ideas to help you reclaim yourself….

• Choose to make your own health and exercise a priority. Exercise will give you the rush of endorphins, adrenalin and energy that can make the other steps easier. It will also give you back a feeling of control over your own body.
• Put an equal priority of your own interests and hobbies as well as your children’s.
• Ask for help. You don’t have to do it all, all the time. Communicate with your partner, family and close friends and ask for a helping hand when you need it. Those who love you will be more than willing to help.
• Ensure you always have healthy snacks at hand to combat the exhaustion hunger.
• Remember you can be a mother, wife and a sexy, empowered woman and whatever else you were beforehand.
• Give yourself permission to not be perfect at everything. Everything will fall in a heap sometimes, That’s ok.
• Communicate with your partner and prioritise regular date nights for you to kindle your passion and love for each other.
• Say those uncomfortable things that you sometimes want to stifle or hide from each other. Talk it through.
• Make time for yourself to process your own emotions and thoughts, whether that’s in the bath or before bed, by journalling or on a long walk. It’s important to make the time to think through the big issues and process and release your emotions.
• Give yourself a make-over. If you have the means to get a stylist to help, awesome! If not, enlist a stylish friend to help you go through your wardrobe and give you an honest opinion on your style. Get rid of the stuff that makes you feel frumpy, daggy or mumsy and invest in a few key wardrobe pieces that make you feel a million dollars.
• Make an effort to get your sexy back. Buy some sexy lingerie. Read some erotic fiction, fantasise and masturbate. Seduce your partner one night. Your body is designed for pleasure as well as nurturing.

Join the conversation

What are your thoughts on this? Did you gain weight when you had children? Which of these issues did you struggle with and how did you overcome them? Do you have any tips for other mothers? Got any great tips or snacks that really helped you get through this challenging time?

There are 3 basic ways to change your behaviour, ideally you want all 3 to work together, that’s when you get effortless, easy change.

Imagine an elephant, with a rider, walking through a forest. The Elephant is your unconscious mind. It has huge power, and it has it’s own desires and wants. The Rider is like your conscious mind, you can steer, cajole or beat the elephant to go where you want, but if the elephant wants to go in a different direction, the tiny rider alone will have a hard time turning him around. The Forest is your environment, the path that you walk. You can shape the environment to steer the elephant onto a path, and keep him there.

Working together

Ideally you want the elephant and rider to be friends, to want to go in the same direction, to work for the good of each other. The rider must take care of his elephant, to be sure to feed him and nourish him so that he is strong and healthy. The rider can also shape the path for the elephant. Choosing a path that is challenging but not too hard, and even shaping the path so that the elephant can get through easily.

How to care for your Elephant.

1. Know where you want to go.

This one seems obvious, but it’s one that many people get wrong. They know what they want to get away from, but are not really clear about where they want to go. Know your destination! 

2. Become conscious of the direction of your unconscious mind.

Notice your thoughts and feelings, acknowledge them, do not stuff them down inside and ignore them.

3. Feed your unconscious mind good food.

This means actual nourishing food, (omega-3′s especially) and nourishing thoughts and ideas. Avoid filling your mind with stories of war, depression and struggle. Choose to seed your mind with ideas of hope, overcoming adversity and inspiration.

4. Become friends with your unconscious mind.

One of the greatest hypnotherapist of all time, Milton Erickson said that clients are only clients because they are out of rapport with their own unconscious minds. Learn to be friendly with your own well of power within, use meditation, yoga or hypnosis mp3′s to regularly create a feeling of calm transcendence, so you get to know your wisdom within.

5. Pick one change at a time.

Do not attempt to change everything at once. Pick one change to focus on at a time. You can pick a big change or a small change, but just pick one! Here’s a list of some changes you might like to make one at a time.

6. Shape the path for an easy ride.

If you want to make a behaviour stick, you and your unconscious mind need to both want the outcome of the behaviour, and you can make the journey to change easier by enlisting the help of your environment. Put your alarm clock in your gym shoes by the front door if you want to teach yourself to get up early to exercise. Have a trainer or buddy to meet at a certain time to enlist accountability. Throw out the junk food in your house. Fill it instead with nourishing, healthy food.

Path shaping is a very important part of behaviour change, because it can help you to overcome the inertia of change and help you get momentum in the direction you want.

Overcoming Challenges with Change.

If you’re struggling with your changes, you’re making a mistake in one of these 3 areas. Ask yourself:

• Am I crystal clear about the direction I want to go?
• Am I completely congruent with the result I want?
• Is there any part of me that hesitates or doesn’t want this?
• Is there any possible negative outcome I imagine that could come from achieving what I want?
• Can I make it easier for myself to do this behaviour?
• Can I enlist help, accountability or incentives for myself?
• How can I remove obstacles and distractions?
• How can I make this behaviour the most appealing and easiest option for myself?
• How much do I really want this?
• What would it mean to me to achieve it?

Join the conversation.

What are your thoughts on this? How have you shaped your path to help yourself make a behaviour change easier?

How would you respond to your 7 year old girl proclaiming that she’s fat? How can a parent successfully navigate this emotional minefield?

Parenting is inherently challenging and emotionally confronting. Dealing with your own weight and health can be hugely challenging and confronting as an individual. Dealing with a child with weight problems when you have body image and weight issues yourself, could be the most challenging of all. Childhood obesity is a very real and massive problem in society. Adult obesity is too. This recent VOGUE article and the massive public backlash shows just how important it is to deal with this issue with grace and emotional sensitivity.

Controversial VOGUE Article.

The article that sparked all the controversy was in US VOGUE’s Annual Shape issue in April 2012 – headlined “Kitchen Controversy: A Mom Fights Childhood Obesity at Home.”  Dara-Lynn Weiss, wrote the essay on her thoughts on the obesity of her young child Bea, and the year-long weight watchers type diet that she put her daughter on. The controversy was not so much about the fact that Weiss was taking steps to help her daughter with her weight, which a doctor had given a warning about, but rather the way in which she went about it, clearly instilling her own paranoia, food and body issues onto her daughter. Weiss admits that “no one seems to approve of my methods” and recounts her own struggles with body issues…

“I have not ingested any food, looked at a restaurant menu, or been sick to the point of vomiting without silently launching a complicated mental algorithm about how it will affect my weight,” Weiss writes, noting she’s tried Atkins, juice fasts, laxatives, Weight Watchers and other diets to stay thin. “Who was I to teach a little girl how to maintain a healthy weight and body image?”

“I once reproachfully deprived Bea of her dinner after learning that her observation of French Heritage Day at school involved nearly 800 calories of Brie, filet mignon, baguette, and chocolate,”

“When she was given access to cupcakes at a party, I alternated between saying, ‘Let’s not eat that, it’s not good for you’; ‘Okay, fine, go ahead, but just one’; and ‘Bea, you have to stop eating crap like that, you’re getting too heavy,’ depending on my mood. Then I’d secretly eat two when she wasn’t looking,” wrote Weiss.

Parents just doing their best.

Weiss clearly has massive mental and emotional issues with her own body and weight, however you may judge her course of action, she was/is doing the best she can as a parent, though she is unwittingly passing on the very hang ups she is trying to save her daughter from. Nearly all parents wish the best for their kids and do the very best they are capable of with their own understandings, limitations and emotional capacity.

The importance of sorting your own S#!t out.

Regardless of what you say to your kids, they will model and learn the behaviour that you demonstrate. That’s why it is SO IMPORTANT for mothers to prioritise their own health and wellbeing. Just 3-4 hours a week is all it takes to teach your children how to prioritise their health, and set them up for healthy, happy lives. How? By being healthy and happy yourself! You might think that you don’t have time for exercise and healthy eating and that you are doing the right thing by putting your own needs after everyone else’s, however what you are actually teaching your kids is to put their own needs last.

Childhood obesity & weight issues start or stop in the home.

Kids weight will fluctuate and change as they grow, and they will of course come across loads of junk food, questionable influences and unrealistic expectations of female beauty in the media and real world, however it’s rare that a family with a healthy food culture, regular home cooked meals and parents who have a healthy body image and make activity a priority will have children who are obese. The best way to teach your kids health is to live health. Health comes through valuing yourself and having self-worth, through choosing to nourish and honour yourself with your thoughts and actions.

Kids are the ultimate mirror.

I can hardly claim to be a parenting expert, I am only just embarking on that journey myself, however I do know about human behaviour and have spent close to 10 years speaking to women about their weight issues. 90% of the women I see with weight and body image problems have mothers with weight & body image problems. As you would know from reading my articles, weight issues are mostly a symptom of deeper issues with self-worth, limiting beliefs, personal power and problems dealing with past emotions.

If there was ever a time to sort out your own past ‘stuff’ it is when you have kids (or before), as they will often manifest your own fears and insecurities. The more of your own past stuff you clear up and release, the less of it you unconsciously pass on to them. That’s why it’s crucial to become more self-aware and to process and release your own emotions as they come up so that you can live in the moment, laugh, have fun, work, play and learn, and teach your kids to do the same.

Read more…

Read another blogger comment on this story in NYmag,  and in ABC News

Rachel Simmons’ inspired response to her 7 year old, we could all take a leaf from this book! -

Are you raising a fat kid. Being one is no fun.

Join the conversation.

Mums! What are your thoughts on this? I’d love to hear how you deal with this challenge on a day to day basis? Do you have any tips for other mums out there who may be struggling?

Today I had cheesecake for morning tea! As I sat there eating the cheesecake, with my cup of tea, I realised that I had made a series of poor choices that had lead me to that point.

The cheesecake lead me to asking myself, why I had chosen to eat that, when it is pretty unusual for me. This is what I came up with when I tracked back my decisions over the past 18 hours previous.

Timeline of poor decisions

• 7.00pm – Cooked & ate a healthy dinner, so far so good.
• 9.00pm – Had a friend visiting and staying over. Started to get really tired, thought about going to bed. Decided to stay up and chat with the friend. Hmm.
• 10.30pm – Ate a few nuts, still tired, so decided to eat a few squares of chocolate.
• 12.00pm – Finally got to bed, about 3 hours too late. Couldn’t sleep well, because I had just eaten sugar. Slept poorly.
• 7.30am – Woke up. Still tired. Got up and had a healthy breakfast.
• 9.30am – Skipped the morning yoga class I had planned to do some work. Feeling a bit bleh.
• 11.15am – Planned to run some errands and go to gym after my chiropractic appointment.
• 11.30am – Chiro tells me my fatigue reflex points are active. Yep.
• 12.00pm – Back in car, overwhelmingly tired, decide to do errand tomorrow, skip gym now and go home for a nap instead.
• 12.15pm – Make a cup of tea. Find small piece of leftover homemade cheesecake in fridge, from another friends visit last week. (There is also a beautiful vegetable fritatta in the fridge and loads of salad ingredients.) Decide to have the cheesecake and a nap.
• 12.30pm – Lie down.  Can’t sleep because I’m thinking too much about writing this blog post after the sugar injection into my system. Nap a little.
• 1.30pm – Get up because I’m hungry for real food, and really thirsty.
• 1.40pm – Drink a large glass of water. Make myself a healthy salmon salad, eat that. Finally I’m back. Plan to go to yoga after work and get an early night.

The Cascade

Not really the end of the world in all honesty. I could say to myself I’m pregnant and that I had a craving, or that it’s ok to be tired and change my mind about my gym visits at 38 weeks. However that’s not the truth, as I realised when I was eating the cheesecake and a thought from a recent birthing lecture entered my mind… The cascade of intervention… The cascade of intervention during birth means that if you have one medical intervention, you are much more likely to need other interventions as the birth progresses.

I realised I had made a cascade of poor decisions, starting with the one to stay up and chat, when I was clearly tired and needed to go to bed. If I had gone to bed, I probably would have made better decisions all along that timeline.

Taking ownership of your poor choices.

If I had accepted the excuses I could have made to myself, I would not have tracked back that series of poor decisions. I have an old childhood habit of staying up late even when I’m tired, now I’m pretty sure I’ll think twice about it, when that decision comes up again, as I better understand the flow on consequences of that decision…

When you take ownership of you poor choices and decisions, it reminds you that they were your decisions. Your power. Your choice to change next time. I challenge you to take ownership of your poor choices and track them back to your catalyst decisions.

• Where in your life do you make poor decisions?
• What other decisions are those poor decisions linked to?
• Can you track back to find the catalyst decision that causes you to make poor food choices?
• Can you find the catalyst decisions that cause you to skip your exercise sessions?
• What might happen if you made the opposite choice at that catalyst point?
• Do you like that?
• As you imagine yourself in the future making better and better choices, becoming more and more self-aware every day, do you like that?

Join the conversation…

What have been some of your cascades of poor decisions?

Before every single bite, you can ask yourself this question, and it will shift the way you think about your food; taking out the judgement and good food vs. bad food labels.

Labelling food good and bad can be useful sometimes to reset your boundaries around what foods you prefer to eat, and by what criteria you choose to set those labels. However often labelling food just becomes another tool we can use to beat ourselves up with.

When you eat a “bad” food, do you feel guilty, like you’ve “blown it” and you might as well finish the packet now so you don’t eat them later? This is a classic psycho-eating pattern, that has come about just because of that simple label: this is a bad food.

What if all foods were not good or bad, it were simply a choice for the nourishment of your body?

All food is an option.

If every food is an option, and there are no diets and labels to guide you, how do you choose? By LISTENING TO YOUR BODY! By discovering for yourself what truly nourishes you. If you learn to tune into the subtle signals your body gives you and honour them, you will find becoming slim a much easier and less drama-filled journey. Nourishing food is often nutrient dense, crisp, fresh, tasty, colourful, bursting with life. This kind of nourishing food makes you feel nourished inside and out. It serves your body and gives you energy and healthful vitality. Food that does not nourish you will make you feel sluggish, slow, stuffed, fuzzy-headed.

“Does this nourish me?” serves you in all situations. Let’s test some out…

You’re out with your closest friends, at a beautiful restaurant and you’ve had a delicious, nourishing meal, though you’re not stuffed, and you want to share a delicious looking dessert with your friend. Ask yourself: Does this nourish me? It may, or it may not. You might decide that you’d really love a taste of that dessert and would like to share it with your friend. So order it, and have a bite, and notice if it does nourish you. Sometimes what is really nourishing is the act of sharing, talking and experiencing new things. So have a bite or two, nourish yourself with that experience. Feel good about it. And when you’re satisfied, (which you will notice is probably quicker when you focus on enjoying the experience without all the guilt) put your fork down.

You’re eating out at a buffet, and your eyes are bigger than your stomach. You load up your plate and get back to the table. You enjoy and feel nourished by about half your plate, chewing slowly because you’re focussed on the nourishment and enjoyment. Then you notice a change, you’ve had enough. So you ask, does it nourish me to keep going to finish my plate? In that case the answer is almost definitely NO. No matter how healthy whatever is left on your plate, you’ve had enough. Any more would not nourish you, it would simply stuff you and make you sluggish and tired, slowing your metabolism and stretching your stomach. Ick. Put your fork down, satisfied that you’ve nourished yourself completely.

You’re in the food court in your lunch break trying to decide what to have, as you walk past and look at the options, you imagine eating the food that’s on offer and you ask yourself, “would that nourish me?” Imagine yourself after having eaten that food, are you sluggish or energized? Pick the one that energizes and nourishes you!

You are allowed to leave food on your plate.

You do not need to finish your plate. Give yourself permission to leave things on your plate. It will not make a tiny bit of difference to the “starving children in Africa” if you finish your plate or not. If you are concerned, sponsor a child. Eat less, and donate the money. Do not continue to choose to stuff yourself for some misguided parental saying.

Learning to listen to your body.

When you focus on “nourish” then you must listen to your body to find out the answer. You must hear, feel, notice all the signs your body gives you to give you the answer, eventually you will get so in tune with yourself that you may even hear a simple, yes, or no from your unconscious mind.

Focus on the nourishment, skip the drama about food. Dramatising how you eat food in your mind will not serve you in your weight loss journey. Food is just food, it is a choice for the nourishment of the cells of your body. That is all. Ideally, you want to get the maximum nourishment and long term benefit for everything you consume. Poor food choices are like toxic credit card debt borrowing from your future health. Nourishing healthy food choices are like saving and investing, creating health for tomorrow and out into the future. Following the 80:20 rule in these choices is a great start. 80% healthy food choices, 20% less healthy food choices. However all 100% must nourish me in some way.

A word on sugar…

You may have heard already that sugar is now being proven by scientists to be one of the most toxic foods you can eat, as addictive as alcohol or cocaine, and equally dangerous… In your quest to discover what truly nourishes you, really listen to your body if you choose to eat sugar, or sugar substitutes. These foods give you a quick burst of instant pleasure and energy, and deplete your system in the long run. My personal answer to the question would be that sugar does not nourish me,  and I do not choose to eat it in my daily diet, however every now and then I still choose to eat a paddle-pop. It is always up to you to make your own choice day by day…

Check out this story by US 60 minutes for a quick run down on the latest research on sugar.
Sarah Wilson has an 8 week plan to teach you how to quit sugar if you choose to.

What are your thoughts: how does this question work for you?
Test it out and let me know..

These habits work! There is a lot of focus on what you eat and think because these will give you the most leverage at the start. 70% of your results will come from what you choose to put into your body. 30% of your results will come from your activity. 100% control over what you choose to eat or do is in your MIND.

Why you MUST start small

It is critical to start with small habits that you think are almost too easy, so that you begin building your faith in your own ability to DO what you say you will do. You need to build the habit of keeping promises to yourself.

If you have struggled with your weight, you probably have a long history of making big promises to yourself and then flaking out on them shortly after. Pick one habit and master it for a MONTH, before moving on to the next one. Yes, it seems slow, but the motivation and results will very quickly snowball. You’ve tried to change everything all in one go and it hasn’t worked, right?

This method is meant to change your habits slowly, so you can integrate them into your natural lifestyle, without feeling like you are making a massive change or doing a diet. When you are focusing on the one habit, only focus on that, forget about the rest. Bookmark this page or print off the habits for later.

Crowd out, not kick out.

All of the habits will focus on things you can DO. This is not about stopping you from doing what you want to do, rather training you in better options so that when you have the choice between a Mars bar and some nuts and an apple, you have the experience of knowing which one feels better, so you can make an informed choice. Deprivation feels like a chore. We want to make building a healthy lifestyle, easy, fun and enjoyable. It should build you UP, not tear you down!

Beginner Tasks – to get you started.

• Take a before photo. Take your waist, hip, bust, thigh and arm measurements.
• Create a health motivation mantra. Something that inspires you that you can repeat to yourself whenever doubt strikes. Use it relentlessly, all the time, something like “I can do it. I choose health and happiness!”
• Find a group of online motivation and mentoring that you like to learn from and keep you inspired.
• Set your goal and visualise it clearly. Create a vision board in your room or a screensaver for your computer and use it for inspiration.
• Write at least 100 reasons why you want to achieve this goal. What will it do for you? How will it improve all the areas of your life that you really care about?

• Read and visualise your goal daily. Look at your vision board every day to remind you where you’re headed.
• Take a multivitamin & 10 grams of fish oil per day.
• Drink 2L of water each day. 8 glasses. You are thirstier than you think you are.
• Shop for healthy, whole food each week. Have or find healthy food options in your house and work every day.
• Eat breakfast every day.
• Eat lunch every day.
• Eat dinner every day.
• Eat 2 green vegetables with your lunch and dinner.
• Prepare a large green salad on the Sunday night for your lunches.
• Eat a green rainbow salad each day. At least 3-4 different colours.
• Do 5 mins of activity each weekday.
• Build up to 20 mins of activity each weekday. Exercise DVD, walk around the block, swim, sport or activity that you enjoy, (or at least don’t hate). Anything that gets you puffing.
• Learn 1 new healthy recipe, cook it each week.
• Eat mostly whole foods.
• Sleep a least 7 hours per night.
• Do some deep breathing exercises daily. 3 deep, slow breaths morning and night is a good start.
• Slow down your eating.
• Stop eating at 80% full.

DO NOT: Count your calories. Start a strict diet. Try and cut out all of your favourite foods. Attempt to lose 20 kgs in 3 months. Join a gym (yet). Do not buy or take weight loss shakes, pills or fat burning supplements. They are a waste of money, and you are not ready for the very few that work. Do not change anything more than this until you have mastered ALL of these habits.

It doesn’t matter what breakfast, lunch or dinner at first. Just make sure you’re eating regularly. If you already do one of the habits above regularly without thinking about it, awesome, just move on to the next one. Remember one habit, per month!! Master it before moving to the next one.

Intermediate Habits – to burn that fat and ramp up your results.

Keep doing all the beginner habits, and add in these…

• Measure your progress against your goal. Celebrate having mastered ALL of the above habits. You will be many months into your program now, and you will have already achieved some great results!!
• Eat some carbs, protein & fat with every meal. Breakfast might be oatmeal, full fat yoghurt & berries. Lunch might be a green salad and salmon, or a salad sandwich with cheese. Dinner 3 veggies & some meat, egg, tofu or beans.
• Record what you eat, no need to measure, just write it ALL down in a journal.
• Eat 5 at least 5 servings of veggies each day.
• Carry healthy snacks in your handbag & desk at work for hunger strikes, almonds, apples, cheese, celery & carrot sticks are all good for this.
• Eat 1-2 small snacks per day. 11am & 3pm are great times for a healthy snack.
• Increase your activity to 30 – 60 minutes 5 times per week.
• Vary your activities to include 1 day or more of strength training & at least 1 day of yoga, pilates or stretching. Now you can join a gym or get a program from a personal trainer, after at least 2-3 months of doing some basic activity 5 times per week.
• Each month vary your activities slightly, try a new class, learn some new moves, get a new program from your PT. Keep yourself interested and your body guessing.
• Weigh and measure yourself once a week only, to track your progress.
• Learn how to make healthy versions of ALL your favourite foods. Pizza, pies, quiche, lasagne, fish and chips, chocolate truffle balls can all be made in healthy versions. Learn how to make the stuff you like.

Advanced Habits – to get you lean and buff.

• Celebrate that you’ve already lost the majority of your body fat, you are a freaking legend!! Give yourself a pat on the back, I bet you’re feeling awesome.
• Get a DEXA scan to measure your body fat accurately and get a specific reading of how many calories you need to eat to get to your ideal weight, maintaining your muscle mass.
• Reassess your goal and write 100 more reasons why you want to get lean, fit, and reach your ultimate health goals. Discover your reasons that go beyond how you look and feel, that really make you choke up with emotion, and get you fired up with your vision  for what’s possible.
• Read up on nutrition and training to get lean while maintaining muscle mass with health industry leaders like Charles Poliquin,  Tom Venuto & Dr John Berardi
• Talk to a dietician, nutritionist or exercise scientist who has achieved themselves the kind of results you want to achieve to get a tailored eating program for your lifestyle and goals.
• Follow their program, measure your portions, count your calories, keep a food diary, get really specific.
• Measure your results weekly.
• Adjust your program to ensure you are moving towards your goal.
• Get a personal training session from a trainer who has achieved the results you want to achieve at least once per week to ensure you are training at the right intensity to get the results you are after.

I hope this habit based program of tips will help you to know where to focus your energy and what will get you moving from overweight and stuck, to lean, buff, and feeling awesome.

Need help?

If you need any help with self-sabotage or you really just loathe your body and can’t stand the idea of doing just one small change, please get my Kickstart Program, or book yourself in for some Transformation Sessions, that is a mindset problem that you need to sort out first.

There is an underbelly to the fitness world that could be the reason why you are struggling with making your change to a healthier lifestyle.

I have written before on the dangers of All or Nothing, or extremist thinking. Studies have shown that the best way to change your lifestyle is ONE habit at a time. However it didn’t really hit home to me why the fitness industry is so bad at teaching this slowly, one habit at a time approach until I saw a recent comedy / parody song created by the Bondi Hipster crew. Check out the song here. The self-reflexively ironic “hipsters” in the song eat mung beans, goji berries and snack on celery through the week, and then smash themselves on drugs partying on the weekend.

It made me think of many people I have come across in my 10 years of being involved and around the fitness industry. It also made me think of myself quite a few years ago, when I was ‘partying’, taking lots of drugs, working like a crazy person, not sleeping much and living an extremist life. Totally All or Nothing.

On or Off.

The All or Nothing paradigm demands that if you are intensely ON with something: “perfect”, you will be equally intense in your OFF stage. Many fitness trainers and health advocates that I know of in the industry will talk about rigorous diarising, strict calorie counting, intensely punishing training regimes and mental discipline. This is the ON phase. What many fail to talk about, (unless you know them personally) is the OFF phase, where they let off some steam and may write themselves off with drinking, drugs or unhealthy food binges for a weekend. There is a well documented phenomenon of massive yo-yoing between “in season” and “off season” with many professional fitness and bodybuilding competitors, and athletes.

Now, to clarify, this is only a percentage of the fitness industry, and I’m certainly not suggesting at all that everyone who talks about a strict diet and training is going out getting smashed on the weekends or when they’re not “in training”.  Many other fitness professionals I know have built up their healthy lifestyles through many years of small changes, to the extent that even though it may seem extreme from the outside it is just their natural lifestyle, they live like that 99% of the time, and a “blowout” might be a planned for couple of glasses of wine and a slice of cheesecake.

Natural Fluctuations & Peaks

There is also a natural phenomenon of fluctuations that occur if you train for a specific peak. The purpose of a peak is that it is the absolute best, by definition a peak is not sustainable all the time, otherwise it wouldn’t be a peak. I would argue that small fluctuations are normal and healthy for all people. However, massive fluctuations in habits to the point where you seem like a completely different person with a different set of values are not healthy at all and are in fact a symptom of All or Nothing Extremism.

Why share this secret?

I may ruffle a few feathers with this post, so why would I share it? Because if your trainer is an unconscious victim of All or Nothing thinking, then they can’t effectively train you to change your lifestyle in a healthy way, one habit at a time, slowly! If you see them being “perfect” with their training and nutrition and you don’t know about their “off season” then you will attempt to hold yourself to their unattainable ideal and beat yourself up with massive guilt trips when you blow out with a food binge. Remember this is an ideal that many cannot even maintain themselves.

Many trainers simply don’t know.

Many Personal Trainers & Wellness Coaches have absolutely no education in change psychology, they just don’t know that it’s not in your best interest to tell you everything at once, and give you a complete life overhaul in the first session. Many are also young, fresh from their certification training and totally eager to share the life-changing benefits of their knowledge about health and fitness.

Many also are simply giving you what you want, if you come in dead keen for fast results and need to overhaul your entire lifestyle, you’ll ultimately need to change your diet, your training, your sleep habits, and your priorities and values, and they will happily tell you the ideal way to live. The Michelle Bridges 12wbt program is a great example of this, it tells you how to live a healthy lifestyle in perfect detail, from your exact training plan – 6 days per week, to shopping lists, recipes and nutrition programs. This is a brilliant program in its attention to detail, however many people will struggle to stick to it 100% all the way through because to live like that, (depending on what your current habits are) may involve over 1000 small habit changes.

This is why many people will do the program many times over and over to “get it” and start to get the big results. What is happening here, is that these people are simply changing what they are capable of changing now, and educating themselves, then changing a little more the next time. This is a perfect way to make a lifestyle change. What I would like to see happen more in the fitness industry is more understanding and compassion for this slow change approach, rather than reinforcing the “beat yourself up if you’re not sticking to the program” that so often happens.

Question any advice that says you must change everything right now…

Ultimately you must decide what is right for you. Yes it is important to strive to be your best, yes it is important to hold yourself to high standards and ideals, however trying to change yourself completely overnight just doesn’t work and is REALLY damaging for your self-esteem. There is no guru, coach, personal trainer or dietician who knows your body better than YOU do. If you take the time to educate yourself, learn about what they have to say, test different theories, take what works and notice the results you will quite quickly work out the right way for your body, your metabolism, your goals and your lifestyle.

One online weight loss nutrition and training program that has taken the one habit at a time and installed it into their coaching system is Precision Nutrition. Here’s an article on their website that talks about the importance of changing just one thing at a time. Precision Nutrition Program – Why they do one habit at a time.

If you recognize yourself as an All or Nothing thinker from this post, please feel free to contact me to discuss how I can help you to shift your thinking patterns, be kinder to yourself and make lasting changes.

Join the discussion.

Have you fallen prey to the All or Nothing Extremist paradigm before?
Are you still struggling or did you find a way out?
What are your thoughts on this?

Sometimes it’s good to know what’s coming up around the bend.

Just like Luke Skywalker on his hero’s journey, you too will encounter some dark caves, obstacles and challenges along your way to a slim, healthy body.

Just for a heads up, here are some of the typical obstacles that you may face along the way…

1. Trying to change everything at once and not being able to.

This is a classic first hurdle with weight loss. It’s a symptom of All or Nothing thinking and is not conducive to long term results. You might start a diet or weight loss program and try and follow all the instructions to a tee, you may even be able to sustain it for a few days, or weeks, however after a while your life begins to get in the way, and you can’t keep up the time and energy to follow the intensive and exhaustive list of instructions. Making new recipes, starting an exercise program, getting to bed earlier, getting up earlier all involve hundreds of tiny habit changes that need to be made. Often when you can’t do it all perfectly, you may be tempted to throw the towel in and console yourself with a packet of timtams.

Understand that letting go of the all or nothing mindset is a critical step in the journey to lasting slimness. Begin with ONE small habit change (like eat a vegetable with every meal) and dedicate yourself to embedding that habit into your normal lifestyle, before moving on to the next habit. This seems like slow progress at the start, but will reap long term rewards. Remember the tortoise and the hare?

2. Being swayed by “unsupportive” friends or family members.

Many people complain of unsupportive friends or partners in their quest for slimness. And it’s true that you will likely have to face people tempting you with birthday cake, biscuits or extra helpings, or just not enthusiastically supporting your new weight loss thing. The truth is you build your friends and family around shared values and interests. If your interests in the past were chowing down on a packet of chips and bottle of wine while watching Biggest Loser, and now you’re more keen to eat a salad and hit the gym, you can’t expect your partner or friends’ values and interests to shift just because yours have.

You don’t need support from your family and friends in order to do this. You are allowed to say no to them and make different choices from them. Yes it will be challenging if they are eating ice-cream in front of you and you are not, but if you remember your goal and why you are saying no, it will help you to be resolute in your choices. When you are resolved in your choices, and stick to them, you will find that the people who used to ‘tempt’ you, won’t bother anymore, and may even come around to your way of thinking.

3. Feeling conflicted about your choices. Go to the gym vs. Sleep in

It’s totally normal to feel conflicted about your choices when you’re making a change from old habits to new ones. Actually it’s normal to have conflicting “voices” in your head, period. These conflicting thoughts seem like they are at war with each other and one day one will ‘win’ and another day the other will.

Eventually, you may notice that the two thoughts or parts of yourself actually have the same highest intention, which is ultimately something like helping you to achieve health, happiness and fulfilment.  Some days it is best for your health to sleep and rest, (like when you are sick, overtired or run down), otherdays it is better to push through the inertia and go give yourself a boost of endorphins. The most successful exercisers don’t even entertain the discussion in their heads, they just get up, put their gear on and get out the door, on autopilot.

4. Losing motivation after not seeing the results you expect.

This one can hit hard, often after you’ve been doing all the ‘right’ things for a period of time. If you step on the scales and don’t see the result you expect, you can easily fall into  the “it’s not working so why bother” mindset. Weight loss TV shows where they talk about “pulling a big number this week”, give the completely unrealistic expectation that it is normal to lose 5 kgs or more in a week. This is not usual!! Losing that much weight in a week is a result of extreme training, dieting and being obese and having lots of weight to lose to begin with.

Forget the TV shows. Forget the scales. Forget checking your results constantly. Health is a lifelong process. The paradox is if you are to sustain your slim, ideal weight, you have to forget about it, and focus on  building your health every day. Make the best food choices you can, keep active and get enough rest and relaxation, and the results will come. It won’t happen overnight (but if you keep at it) it will happen…

5. Telling yourself it’s all too hard and giving up.

This hurdle is a killer. This comes from all of the other hurdles put together, adding a heavy dose of self-criticism and self-judgement, and creating an emotional state of hopelessness.

If you give up, you’ll only have to start again sometime, usually after you’ve put on a few more kilos and are feeling terrible enough about your body to get started again. If you don’t want to have to start again, don’t give up. Keep at it. Be compassionate with yourself, if you’ve been trying to make too many changes all at once and being hard on yourself for not achieving them, go back to basics. Aim to walk around your block each morning and eat a vegetable with every meal. If you can focus on just doing those two simple things, you will be well on your way to health and slimness. Forget about the crazy diets, all the rules and comparing yourself to others. Just aim to improve one TINY bit each day. You can do it.

Need help?

If you need help to overcome these challenges, I can help you. Check out my services page to get my online Kickstart Motivation Program, or send me an email if you’re sick of dealing with the challenges and want to get it sorted once and for all! We can book a time to have a chat about where you’re at and book you in for some private transformation sessions.

Join the conversation.

What hurdles and challenges are you facing and or struggling with?
What challenges have you overcome?