1. You can read.
2. You are rich enough to have a device to read this on.
3. You are rich enough to have leisure time to read it.
4. You are interested in personal development and self-growth.
So, in spite of everything else that is going on for you. On these counts alone life is sweet.
I have a pretty sweet life too. When I think about how tough some of my human sisters and brothers have it in other parts of the world, and even here in Australia, it breaks my heart.
And still, in spite of all the awesomeness… Sometimes I get shitty, frustrated and feel like I want more, or just something different. Grass is greener, Blah, Blah. I’m guessing you do that sometimes too? Don’t leave me hanging here, surely it’s not just me!
There’s nothing wrong with wanting more. The desire for more is an expression of your Self-Actualising drive for perpetual growth. This is a good thing!
However, it can totally trip us up when we begin to believe false stories that we might be telling ourselves that what we have now is not enough in some way.
The desire for growth is most beautifully balanced with a deep appreciation of what exists NOW.
(and some that you worried over too)
This is the age-old balance between variety and certainty. We all need enough certainty in our lives to feel safe, and flourish on strong foundations, but too much certainty and we become bored and crave a little excitement and something new to keep things interesting.
I’ll give you my personal example; I adore being a mother and yet, there are still times when I am exhausted from the relentless needs (and constant questions and demands) of my children and imagine a reality where I have less responsibility and more time to do whatever the hell I want to.
But that is not my reality now, and wishing that I had something different robs me of the joy of being present with my amazing little humans, that I CHOSE to bring into the world and raise with my amazing husband.
When I focus on what I LACK, instead of what I HAVE, I become judgemental, miserable and snappy, which of course creates the exact situation that drives that reality away.
I know I’m not the only one who does this, so here’s some tips I’ve discovered to help you fall back in love with your life…
Falling in love with your life helps if you are kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself that you’ve been looking for something different. Judging yourself because you’re craving a little spice and variety will only make things worse. Give yourself a break, everyone feels this way every now and then, and it’s a great catalyst for growth. Bonus points if you can give yourself an actual break too, a mini holiday or even just a visit to a cafe alone to read a magazine… just time to stop the merry-go-round and let your body relax for a few moments.
Actively focus your attention on the pleasure that already exists within your life: The laughter of your children. The support of your partner or friends. We often lose the taste for the pleasure of what is because we’ve become complacent because it’s always around.
If you really need a kick up the bum on this one, think about what your life would be like if your marriage ended, and you no longer had the love and support of your partner, or your children got sick, or you lost the job that bores you and couldn’t pay your mortgage.
Don’t let “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” to be your theme song. What you focus on expands, so actively look for and appreciate the good things in your life. A simple strategy for this is a gratitude journal, but don’t wait till the end of the day to be grateful. Actively appreciate things in each moment, you’ll feel better, more relaxed and you’ll find that after time, your life begins to improve. You can even write a long journal list to remind yourself to be grateful: “Everything that is awesome about my life…”
Being dissatisfied with your life stems from comparison and judgement, which both pull your awareness out of the now moment. If you could imagine deleting your concept of linear time, and you had no past and no future, you would only have the sensory experience of the now moment. Bring all your attention to the information of existing in this moment. The smell, the taste, the touch. What can you see, hear, feel? (This is especially useful in the bedroom)
From birth we have been fed a steady stream of stories, fairytales, narratives and ideas that have shaped who we are and what we expect from life. We naturally create stories about experiences because it helps us to make sense of them. The minute we begin labelling things, we have moved out of the sensory experience into the META- experience. This is where being human gets interesting. Humans are quite unique in their ability to have endless Meta levels of consciousness.
What on Earth does that mean? It means you not only have a thought (#1), you have a thought (#2) and feeling about that thought #1, which brings about another thought and feeling (#3) and on and on, endlessly. When we layer judgement over our thoughts, we create dangerous dragons in our minds, but when we instead simply OBSERVE the stories, without attachment or judgement, they disappear like clouds passing in the sky.
Observe the stories you are telling yourself about your current reality. Are they steeped in judgement and comparison? Do they serve you to appreciate what is? To empower you? Or do they detract?
It’s so easy in today’s crazy busy society that we focus only on work, achieving and getting things done, however ancient Wisdom Traditions have emphasised the importance of Being instead of Doing. This can get a bit existential, and tricky to put into practice, so I’ve found that a good way to focus on being for a beginner is to make time to do the things that you really love. You know… the ones that help you to lose track of time. The things you could do if you were all alone and you would be happy. (These things are often the ones that are considered non-essential) For me this is singing, dancing, making music, writing songs, listening to music in the dark. Tell me yours in the comments below… I dare you! Here’s a video of me practicing my first cover song on piano… I am a very beginner, and it brings me joy to practice.
Allow yourself the time to re-train your thought patterns on this, and don’t make any rash, crazy decisions. I know that a lot of what was driving my own stuff was that I was just exhausted from running my business and being a mum of two little kids, that started to change as I stopped breastfeeding, and they are sleeping (slightly) better, and I eased up on some goals and plans I had for the start of the year… (which is why you haven’t seen a blog post from me for a while) I had a bit more time and energy to remember who I am and what makes me, me. Remember if you’re going through a really tough phase: “This to shall pass.” Give it some time and see what happens.
It’s also important to note that dissatisfaction of any kind is an indicator that it is time to raise your standards. Maybe the world outside you doesn’t need to change at all, maybe you need to raise your standards of thinking, and being and communicating. Aaaand…. sometimes it does require outside world changes too, so give yourself permission to lean into the change, and allow it to take you into graceful growth. Growth doesn’t need to be filled with drama, it can be consciously joyful. (Especially when you take the judgement away)
I’ve had a massive personal shift on this lately, and although not much has changed on the outside, my acceptance and enjoyment of my life is off-the-charts. I hope I can share a bit of that joy with you too! Let me know your experiences in the comments below. I’d love to hear your experiences of this in your life, maybe this is something you’ve been through before. If not, keep this in mind for when it pops up in the future…
with love, Kylie
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for clients when I had my gyms with Vision and more recently at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery.
I highly recommend her work.