8 steps to power into the positive, when the going gets tough.
Q: How do you stay positive when you keep having negative outcomes? Especially when you have struggled for a really long time.
This was a reader question posed to me and I’m sure the lady who asked it is not alone in feeling like this, so here’s my answer for everyone…
Sometimes it really does feel like you’ve been given a raw deal and no matter how hard you try, you keep getting stung by life… Here’s my steps to help you power up, and shift out of the negativity…
Step 1 – Acknowledge the shittyness.
First step to shifting your mindset is to acknowledge what IS. Just become aware. Notice that emotion of tiredness, sadness, helplessness or despair. It’s okay that you’re feeling like that, that alerts you to the fact that what you’re doing now, isn’t working.
Step 2 – Take responsibility.
Next is to realise that no matter what’s going on in your life right now, and how you currently judge it to be good or bad, you had a hand in creating it to be that way. Your past thoughts, choices and actions have lead to where you are now. If you want different results in the future you need to create different thoughts, actions and choices now. Even if you have gone through trauma or some unexpected tragedy that is obviously not your fault, you have choice in how you perceive that event and how you decide to act in your life subsequently. Take responsibility for yourself and you can reclaim your power over your life.
Step 3 – Find the gain.
Once you fully take responsibility for your part in creating your life as it is, then you need to look for the benefits. What have you got out of staying this way? What has been the secondary gain of staying in this situation that you perceive as negative? Are you getting sympathy? Welfare? Friends and relatives paying more attention to you or your situation? If you are continuing to get “negative” outcomes you ARE getting something out of it. Look hard, and be honest with yourself about what you’re getting out of it.
Step 4 – Assess the pattern.
Then you may realise that the secondary gain is not worth continuing to get these outcomes. You could find a way to get those outcomes some other way without all the pain of continuing with the problem.
Step 5 – Find gratitude.
Remember what you can be grateful for even now. One of the immutable truths of the universe is that there is always a balance within nature, this means that there is a balance of support and challenge in your life. There are things that are going well or supporting you, even though you might not be focusing on them or even noticing them. What are all the things that ARE going well in your life? There will always be something that you are doing well or where you are getting support or love.
Step 6 – Choose something different.
Choose to consciously change your thoughts in the moment. Create an affirmation that inspires you. It can be as simple as “I can!” Remember a time when you were feeling in control and empowered in some area of your life, and notice and remember what you were doing, thinking, feeling that led to you being empowered in that area.
Step 7 – Practice managing your state.
The success of your life is largely influenced by how well you can mange your state to perform optimally and make the best of any situation. You can shift your mindset instantly simply by changing your body, pulling your shoulders back, breathing deeply and smiling, if you can stretch your legs and arms out and recline like a “big boss”. This will raise your testosterone (power hormone) and lower your cortisol (stress hormone) and give you more of a feeling of empowerment in the moment. Stay in this pose for at least 2 minutes and then think over your problems.
Step 8 – Use gratitude to give and create.
Keep coming back to gratitude. Focus on all the good things in your life. To shift your mindset to the positive requires an attitude of gratitude. Whenever you feel down, ask yourself: “What can I be grateful for right now?” Keep asking till you FEEL the gratitude in your body…. When you do feel it, ask yourself, what can I do now to contribute to making my life and the life of those I care about better? Begin to focus your mind on what you want to create and contribute with your life. This will help you to find success because it automatically assumes that you have something worth giving. You DO!! When you focus on a larger cause than yourself, and allow yourself to be powered by love and a desire to help and give, you will find the Universe conspires to assist you in magical ways.
“We couldn’t recommend Kylie highly enough.”
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
- Amanda Bracks - Owner Soulful Fitness (2019 Fitness Australia Boutique of the Year)
“She’s the best speaker they’ve ever seen.”
“I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for my gym clients at both Vision Personal Training & now at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery as fitness leaders. At my recent Fitness Business event, my gym owner colleagues were blown away by her talk, saying she is the best speaker they have ever seen. After every event we always get rave reviews about her talks and training. I highly recommend Kylie’s work as a coach & speaker.”
- Ben Lucas - Founder & CEO, Flow Athletic
“So many things are just falling into my lap.”
“I finished the Spiritual Awakening Course yesterday and I found it truly amazing. An incredible next step after our coach training. I feel so much more enlightened and “opened-up”. It has really opened my eyes to the power of the universe and the energy flowing in each of us. I loved it – thank you.
I am feeling so lucky at the moment. So many things are just falling into my lap. I visualise it and set my intention to manifest it and it comes. Things such as getting more clients, needing help to put my business online, not knowing how to get known in my local community etc. Courses / insights / clients have just fallen into my lap at the right time.”
Of course I am still learning and growing, but the course has really helped. Thank you”
- Katharine Williams - NLP Coach, Limitless Growth
I started my coaching business from scratch before I’d finished the course!
“Before I met Kylie I was feeling very lost working full time in law in Sydney CBD. I’ve known my whole life that I was here to help people, but I just didn’t know exactly how. So when I found Kylie, it just was really fitting that it was going to help me ground my magic. I started the coach training and had an amazing time. It was beautiful to go through the process of having a mentor that had that spiritual element and that holistic element, as well as the very grounded science-based knowledge as well. So that really helped me to conjure that for myself.
I started my business before I even finished the course. I just started putting myself out there. And now I’ve gotten it to a point where I’ve got really grounded solid message, and two years later am running a multi-6 figure coaching business as a leading pioneer in my niche, helping clients all over the world.”
- Ari Kala - Psychic Development Coach
“I have never been this happy or powerful.”
“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
- Danni Vee - Women's Health Coach, My Fit Tribe
“I made 30K in new sales the month after graduating”
Before attaining my NLP Coach certification, I was an online trainer who was getting excellent results for “some” of my clients. I used a mixture of experience, intuition and an exhausting “helicopter-parent” style of accountability coaching. It was like the 20% of the clients who weren’t getting good results took up 80% of my effort, and it was draining my passion for my business. Completing my Certification with Kylie has been the best decision of my career. The very next month after finishing I created a new program and made $30,000 in new sales. I now have a repeatable system to coach my clients and I can get them both immediate AND long-lasting change, sometimes in less than 40 minutes. In the past 12 months, I have doubled my freedom and fulfilment in my business I have created raving clients who snap up my offers.”
- Bianca Aiono, PT Business Mentor & NLP Coach
“I’ve noticed big improvements in my finances and client retention”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
- Blake Worrall-Thompson, Performance Coach & PT
“Magick happens every time!”
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.
- Dane Tomas - Creator of The Spiral
Featured In
