Accessing Your Queendom

Accessing Your Queendom
by Kylie Ryan /

Transcript

Bianca: Welcome to all our beauties out there! It’s Kylie Ryan and Bianca Aiono, and we are My Mind Coach, which is is the Home of the Queens Collective. We specialize in helping high-achieving women create epic success in every area of their life, without sacrificing their body and without selling their soul.

This is really about us stepping up to the plate and being really transparent and announcing this opportunity for us to all step into a new magnetic feminine paradigm of leadership. So, Kyles, welcome to ourselves!

Kylie: Welcome to our party, everybody!

Bianca: Why don’t we start Kyles with everybody who kind of follows us and is in our circle must be thinking, “What are you girls doing? What are you actually on about?” Do you want to share a little bit about your mission and how you got to this place, and what you most want everybody to know about this new phase and paradigm of leadership?

I am here as a result of the human evolution that is happening – that is shifting from I into WE.

Kylie: Well, as you guys know by now — and it’s more obvious in contrast with Bianca that I’m a very big picture thinker, so I’m going to give you a real big picture. I am here as a result of the human evolution that is happening, that is shifting from I into WE. And so, the entire planet is making a shift. You may or may have not noticed that there’s been a lot of crazy things going on in the news, and most certainly, there has been a rising of women’s leadership and women’s power, as evidenced in the #MeToo movement and people coming out about sexual assault cases. And there’s a female prime minister in New Zealand. She’s having a baby while she’s still managing a country. There’s all sorts of wonderful examples of women’s leadership rising up. And so, I’m here with you B as a result of this shift that’s happening across the world.

Personally, I’m here because I got sick of doing it by myself. I know we’ve wanted to work with each other for a long time, and we both kind of were like, “Gawd, I’m just so tired of struggling and trying to do everything by myself.” And so, we created this party that we’ve been having for the last nearly year of doing this business together and re-imagining My Mind Coach with a far bigger vision than either of us could hold individually.

And now the Queens Collective is born from wanting to share that collaborative experience with other women who we see are also struggling in that silo — that they’re successful women, they’re ambitious women, but they’re feeling alone, and we wanted to share the vibe. Does that answer the question?

Most people on the outside would look at our awesome lives and not put struggle onto that word.

Bianca: It’s just the vibe… I love your big picture explanations! Because it just resonates, you’re like, “Ahh, that’s that thing.” I think what makes us a great partnership is that when I think about myself in the context of the WE like, “So what does that mean for me in the context of WE?” And when I think about what you were just saying about the struggling when you’re being by yourself, it’s almost like it’s not even so much a struggle; it’s a yearning to be more and to step into your potential, because you’re actually really capable. Most women, most people on the outside would look at our awesome lives and not put struggle onto that word. The struggle is against the yearning.

Kylie: Yeah, it’s an internal struggle of what you can feel and sense is your potential, and within the realms of the physical world that we live in and time and space and juggling so many different values, what you’re actually able to create on your own. Like your vision can be so much vaster than what you’re actually able to actualize doing it on your own. Yeah, that’s the struggle that I was referring to. Absolutely. It’s not an outward struggle. It’s a struggle of success, I guess. The success is there and you can see that there’s so much more potential for you in your life, for what you could do deliver, for the message that you could share with people, for wanting to deliver your work to the world — it’s just challenging to do it on your own.

My high expectations were also the source of my undoing.

Bianca: What I also realized is… it’s like the double-edged sword of my talents of being a high-achiever also was my own undoing. For me, what happened was, it’s like I was really being called. You did an amazing video about this “when you see the atrocities in the world”. And for me I was like, “This is ridiculous! This is horrendous!” I am actually paralyzed with rage about what happens in the rest of the world, but for a long time I was actually throwing myself against the rocks of over-responsibility. And in coaching sessions you helped me get out of that, because I started trying to be over-responsible and do everything and I was killing myself in the process. My high expectations were also the source of my undoing.

But what I’ve sort of given rise to was that this idea of trying to rescue everybody meant that I was using a real embattled warrior energy around things. It meant that I never wanted to leave any woman behind. And so, even though through my weight loss motivation coaching programs 99 percent of my clients get amazing successful life transformations, there’d always be just 1 percent that was stuck in inertia. What happened was I would constantly reinvent myself so that I would use my values stick, my mode of valuing myself, to the lowest common denominator. So I just kept on reinventing myself, reinventing myself. And the risk of it that I was just going around and round and round like on this sort of slave driver wheel, and living a life of feeling quite alone, disconnected, frustrated. Like, is this all there is? Just in this sort of abyss of my intellect. Can you relate?

We can so easily focus on the one person that is giving you criticism rather than the hundreds of people that are celebrating and championing and encouraging us.

Kylie: Totally. I remember this one time, quite a few years ago at band camp… No, just kidding. Back in my previous life of being a professional singer, I remember doing this gig and rocking out with this party band. I was the lead singer so I was singing these dancy type of songs, and everybody in the room, like a couple hundred of people, were going nuts like, “Yeah, this awesome! Woohoo!” And there was one lady in the corner, like up against the wall, who was obviously being dragged there by somebody and didn’t want to be there. She was standing there like this the whole time, just like staring at me for an hour or two.

And I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. In my head I’m like, “Go home!!!” I couldn’t focus on all of the people that were having an amazing time. I kept being drawn across to her like giving me the death stare. I feel like we can so easily do that. We can so easily focus on the one person that is giving you criticism rather than the hundreds of people that are saying, “Hey, you’re awesome! This is great! Woohoo! Keep going!” We focus on that one little person that’s like, “This is terrible.” And we do that in our own minds as well. And then we end up adjusting ourselves and adjusting our offering, adjusting what we’re doing, for the critic rather than the person that is celebrating us.

And vastly, from the experiences that I’ve had and speaking and coaching with hundreds of women, we always have so many people that are celebrating and championing and encouraging us, but it falls on deaf ears. Instead we’re focusing on that one person that’s going, “Hmmm, this is no good.” And maybe it’s even that person in our own head that’s a figment of our own imagination that becomes our inner critic. It doesn’t serve us to be at our best. It doesn’t bring out our best performance. It doesn’t bring out our confidence and magnetism and joy. Yeah, I totally relate to that.

There is something about this rise from the ashes that’s celebrated.

Bianca: You know, I also share about the dirty truth about high performers, and it’s something that you need to really keep in check, is that ensuring that that drive to be perfect and ambitious and have a big mission doesn’t come from a place of self-rejection. And it can just be like the most subtle tweak to… I’ve been doing some amazing work with Michela, our spiritual mentor, where we’re actually not just looking at the subconscious, it’s like where are these thoughts and beliefs and systems being held in our energetic body. I’ve totally been stepping from the tangible into intangible, which has been an amazing journey, and recognizing that it’s so easy. It’s so cultivated. Especially in Australia, it’s really championed to have the valor of the Aussie battler. How much do we go for the underdog? There is something about this rise from the ashes that’s celebrated, so it’s like this thing that we think is a great mode of operation to reject a part of ourselves and then to call it “being driven”.

When you are always striving from outside of yourself and not recognizing that resources that you have within, it’s so easy to be tuning into the lowest common denominator, tuning into fear instead of your greatness.

We’ve been doing this amazing work about tuning into your brilliant future and how you might actually have on the outside all the trappings of success, but on the inside still actually tuning into more of a dim or a dark future, and these old ways of operating that might have been imprinted from the ages of 0 to 7. Or it might have been from earlier. Or it might have been the collective consciousness. When you are always striving from outside of yourself and not recognizing that resources that you have within, it’s so easy to be tuning into the lowest common denominator, tuning into fear instead of your greatness.

And that’s why teaming with such an amazing… well, you as my partner as well as many mentors that I’m surrounded by — incredible mentors, a greater team — it has really been the cornerstone of ensuring that I just don’t go into being a hobby farmer and like the goat farmer’s wife, just to joke about. Just being in my own little hubboard and… Being contracted, that’s what you talked about. That actually has been this really stepping up, and we had to do a lot of to work to hold this idea of the Queens Collective Mastermind so that it’s about us constantly. It’s like the death of the static mentor Michela was talking about and recognizing that it’s okay to be vulnerable. And that’s the fatigue that I see in the marketplace. That’s what I’ve seen. So many people get mentors and then realize, “You’re not as perfect as you make out.”

It’s okay to be vulnerable.

Kylie: Yes, it’s the pedestal to pit dynamic where people market themselves as being perfect and having their lives all together all the time and never show any weakness. Which is like that old warrior mentality, right? Never show a chink in your armor, never show a place where you’re vulnerable. That’s the old way of doing things, the old masculine energy where it’s just warrior energy. And so, many women have been brought up and indoctrinated with that masculine energy, so even though we’re women… Men and women both have masculine and feminine energy, but most women that are successful and ambitious and driven are driven by their masculine energy. And this new way of operating is a more feminine or ideally a more integrated way of operating, where the feminine energy and the masculine energy are in sync with each other.

When the more feminine energy is there then you don’t have to project “I’m perfect. I’m a warrior. I have no chinks in my armor.” You can be a more rounded, holistic human being and say, “Hey, I’ve learnt some things along the way” or, “I’ve got some skills that I can share with you to help you,” and coming at it from a place of equal so that we can all stand together at a round table. It’s not that anyone of us is any better than anybody else, because everybody has their own unique mastery, But instead being able to value “Oh, you have mastery in this, and you have mastery in this, and you have mastery in this…” Imagine if we all helped each other and shared our mastery with each other, how much more that could elevate the entire collective.

And that’s the vision for the Queens Collective, is that everybody that comes into the group and everybody that joins the collective… And everybody does, everybody in the world does, everybody has their own mastery and their own unique gifts, but the ladies that are drawn to the Queens Collective have a level of actualized mastery in the world. They have a level of success in something that they can bring to the group and they have their own self-esteem about that thing that they’re good at that they can go, “Yeah, I’m really good at this, but sometimes I struggle in this particular area or sometimes I fall down here.” Or, “When things are going really well here, it comes at the cost of this.”

We want to use that collective of a true mastermind. The original Napoleon Hill meaning of a true mastermind is not just a coach teaching a whole group of people, which is what masterminds have become, but a true mastermind is where a whole group of people come together with a collective vision, and through that collective vision, an extra mind, an extra being is created from the collective, that then assists the entire collective to move forward.

The different women that are attracted to our Queens Collective are those that recognize that it’s actually the thought first that created the external circumstance.

Bianca: It’s amazing just to recognize that the masterminds that we are a part of and the collective peers that we associate with, you can walk up… And that’s why it’s so critical to be in the room — and I’ve moved heaven and hell to make it happen — because something that I think is a problem will be eliminated within the first 30 minutes of being there. It won’t even be anything that’s structured. It’ll be like a passing comment from somebody else. And what’s been so magical about the 9 months of gestation of you and I working together, it’s been an amazing opportunity to keep on mirroring back our strengths — and that’s what I realized that most people don’t get. To really acknowledge your worth and what are the things that I recognize… I didn’t even know that there were certain unconscious competent talents that I had that came so easy to me, it’s just who I am, I didn’t realize that other people couldn’t do that. And that is such the curse of the overachiever.

It’s the thing that keeps you embattled because you keep on trying to break yourself, to fix yourself, to break yourself, to fix yourself, because you’re discounting the incredible, unique gifts that you already have that actually get amplified when you’re in the right space. When you’re like, “Yeah, of course I can do that. Yeah.” And then you say something that’s like three words and somebody goes, “Oh my god, you’ve just blown my mind!” And then somebody else says something and you’re like, “That just solved the last five years of my problems. Thank you so much!” And it’s being in that community that you realize is so valuable that you’ll protect and you’ll be magnetically drawn towards it.

The kind of women that really have their place in our collective is when they look at the external circumstances. And it might be some level of discord in a relationship, at work, in clients and their business, within their own self-expression. Or it might be the level of fulfillment that they’re getting from a certain project. Or it might be in their body — their body is just not being the most vital healthy expression of what they know could be possible. But it’s not thinking that “Okay, therefore I have to fix it by doing more, by changing the external circumstances, by going on a diet.” The different women that are attracted to our Queens Collective are those that recognize that it’s actually the thought first that created the external circumstance.

The things that you’re experiencing today are the result of your thoughts from yesterday and the day before.

Kylie: Yeah, absolutely. That the physical manifestations that you’re currently experiencing in your life, whether that be your bank balance or your current body or the state of your relationship, the things that you’re experiencing today are the result of your thoughts from yesterday, and the day before, and the day before — collectively all the way back in time. So if you want different results in your future, the first thing that you need to change is your energy system and your thinking, which will then change your behaviors, which will then change your results. And so, the people that are in our circle that really succeed are the ones that get that and realize that they need to change inside. For the world to change out there, they need to shift internally and taking that inner responsibility for that.

There’s this great quote:

“It’s not about your resources, it’s about your resourcefulness.”

When you realize that you can uplevel your resourcefulness through shifting a thought, through releasing some kind of emotional baggage that you’ve been carrying of maybe feeling not good enough, or like you have to prove something, or just this vibe that you have to be driven all the time, when you can shift that thought, it’s like it unlocks a whole level of hidden potential that exists within you, that you always had but was like this untapped treasure inside.

And that’s what so cool, is that we have all this untapped treasure — and through the collective, we can mirror that back to each other and through the eyes of sisterhood say, “Oh my god, I see this greatness within you. Oh wow, you’re so good at this!” And through seeing each other through the eyes of that sisterhood, we’re like, “Oh yeah, that’s right.” And you can actually receive it from the sisterhood in a way that you might not have been able to receive it if someone else gave it to you outside of that sacred space.

It’s so important to be really diligent in surrounding yourself with the right light.

Bianca: That’s really awesome. I feel like it’s really given some amazing foundations that’s so necessary as a high performing woman out there with a big mission. It’s ensuring that you can be really fit, you can be really practiced with your frequency and what you’re putting out there, because it’s like just tuning into one negative energy thought — and I’ve even been more exposed to the interferences that happens. It’s like, when you are stepping up and shining, it can be as simple as the tall poppy syndrome, it can be something like the light attracts darkness. And it’s so important to be really diligent in surrounding yourself with the right light.

We’ve been working on a really amazing Power Mapping process that can help women understand the places that they’re leeching power, the places that they are giving away this magnetic power of allowing to these external circumstances, and also how to overcome it, how to start amplifying your natural power and vitality and speaking your truth and knowing your worth and embodying that. If you want know more about how we do that process and find out if you’re a match to come into the Queens Collective Mastermind, I would encourage you to go check out mymindcoach.com.au/potential, because this is really about helping you activate your divine potential.

Everything can be feeling pretty okay, “I’m a 6 out of 10 for this. I’m a 7 out of 10 for that. Oh, I’m feeling a bit more compromised” or, “I’m feeling a bit more on top of things it this area.” But then when it comes to actually fulfilling your divine potential, it’s like, “Ugh, 2. Ugh, 3.” And that’s the part that we want to encourage, that have always been repelled by what it is that you don’t want. Instead do that in this new paradigm of not having to learn through suffering and not having to always just dash yourself across the rocks of your being driven and your ambition and your perfectionitis and comparisonitis. And encouraging, looking forward, and having that high perspective of what could be possible for you in tuning to that potential.

So if you want to know more about what’s holding you back or what’s slowing you down and what possibly could actually be your highest potential or something that you could step into your brilliant future, go check it out: mymindcoach.com.au/potential.

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