Dealing with Disappointment and Self- Sabotage
How does it feel when you set a great goal and work hard for it and then don’t achieve it?
It’s not super fun to say the least.
How you deal with not achieving your goals probably has more to do with your success than anything else. What frames and ideas do you have about achieving or not achieving your goals?
If you don’t get it does that mean you’ve failed?
Worse still, does that mean that you’ll never get it?
These kind of meanings make you feel awful and don’t help you to pick yourself back up. It’s called awfulizing, kind of like making a mountain out of a molehill.
Instead of seeing not achieving your goal as failure, you could see it as just feedback that what you did needs to be tweaked slightly, so that you can achieve the results you want. Often just a small key factor will have been overlooked and once you get that right then your results will come easily.
There is no failure, only feedback.
So, here are some questions you could ask yourself to more usefully assess the feedback from an unsuccessful attempt at a goal.
- What did I do that did achieve some positive results?
- What did I do that did not achieve results?
- What could I do more of next time?
- What could I do less of next time?
- Do I need extra resources, training, learning to achieve this?
- What would it mean to me if I got this?
- What would it mean to me if I didn’t get this?
- What would change in my life if I got this?
- Do I get anything positive out of not achieving this goal?
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Sometimes you will unconsciously sabotage your own efforts because of a little thing called secondary gain. Secondary gain means that you hold onto a problem, because it helps you in some way, or helps you avoid facing a bigger problem.
A relevant example might be someone who has had a traumatic and hurtful relationship in the past staying overweight to prevent themselves from dating again, therefore preventing the possibility of getting hurt again.
This is somewhat warped logic when you state it in a sentence like that, but it is a massive stumbling block for many women (and men) and it was one of the reasons I was overweight in the past.
If this, or some other secondary gain is sabotaging your efforts, take some time to really ask yourself, is sabotaging yourself really worth it? Is what you gain worth not getting this goal? Is there some other way you could have both? Or even some better outcome that you haven’t even thought of yet?
Persistence really is the key when it comes to getting slim and staying slim. If something you have attempted has not gotten you the results you want, don’t throw in the towel. Look for where you can improve your strategy and tactics, try something different and keep at it.
Soon I will be releasing information on the Slim & Sexy Club which will help you to overcome this kind of self-sabotage and keep you motivated to keep at it, and help you to get FAST results… Stay tuned. Or if you’re keen send me an email at kylie@MyMindCoach.com.au to go on the waiting list.
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