Self- Esteem is valuing oneself unconditionally, if you are alive you can have full self- esteem. Go on, you have permission. Self-esteem is valuing yourself as a human being. When a baby comes into the world, it can’t do anything. It can’t clean up after itself, feed itself or even stay alive without help. Yet we value it absolutely, we say it is special, unique and precious. And it is! You were a baby like this once, your value and worth is intrinsic. It is there all the time, no-one can take it away from you. If you think you have low self esteem, just remember the baby and how precious and special it is, then apply that awe and gratitude to yourself. You are alive, you have the powers of thought, emotion, speech & movement. You can do things! When you think about the amazing freedom of being alive and being able to think, feel, speak and behave as you want, this is awe inspiring. Remember to be in awe of your human powers and remember how special and unique you are. No-one is quite like you. No matter what you do or who you are you can esteem yourself.
Self-Confidence is having the confidence that you can do this or that thing. It is about your skills and performance and is conditional. If you are competent at a certain skill, you can be confident that you can do that. Confidence is conditional upon you being good at the said skill. If you are not good at it, there is no use being confident. If you are confident that you can skydive buy you’ve never done it before and know nothing about it, that is recipe for disaster. Confidence without competence will make you a fool. Your confidence will improve naturally as your competence increases. There is another element that you can be confident in that can help you improve your confidence at any skill…
Self-Efficacy is the understanding and belief that comes from becoming confident at a number of different skills. As you learn and master each new skill, your confidence in your ability to learn becomes stronger and you start to believe in your own efficacy. The thinking goes like this: “I’ve learnt to walk, talk, think for myself, drive a car, do pilates, bake a cake, look after myself, insert other skills here, so I’m able to learn anything. I may not know how to do it right now, but I know how to find someone to teach me and I know how to spend the time and resources necessary to learn a new skill, so yes, I could do anything!
Self- efficacy is wonderful feeling. It is often confused with self-confidence, the difference being efficacy is the confidence in your own learning skills, it has nothing to do with any one particular performance so it becomes unconditional. You can have a high self-esteem and a high self-efficacy all the time, unconditionally, however your self-confidence would be different depending on how competent you are at each different thing.
It is very important to separate self-esteem from the other two because if your sense of worth and value ( your self-esteem ) is riding on how good you are at something then you can feel great one day and terrible the next. This does not make for a very happy person. You will never be excellent at everything, because human beings are always learning, and that’s ok. You can feel good about yourself even if you lose a sports match or don’t perform as well as you would like at any one thing, because you know that success or or failure at that one thing does not affect your worth and value as a person. You are worth so much more than the total of everything you do.
Now that you understand the difference between the three, how do you think you’re going?
Exercises to improve each…
You can improve your self-esteem by being kind to yourself. Say daily positive affirmations and remember that you have powers and uniqueness that no-one else has. Remember to separate your being-ness and worth from how good you are at any particular thing. Take a moment each night to celebrate your day’s successes and remember how special and unique you are.
Improve your self-confidence by practicing whichever skill or performance you would like to be more confident at, when you are competent, or masterful at that performance the confidence will come. Keep practicing!
Improve your self-efficacy by thinking about, and listing, all the things in your life that you’ve learnt, from the smallest to the biggest. Think about the process of learning, find the similarities in the learning journey. You know this journey. You know the steps, so even if you don’t know exactly what you will be doing, you can be confident that you can handle it.
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“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
Before attaining my NLP Coach certification, I was an online trainer who was getting excellent results for “some” of my clients. I used a mixture of experience, intuition and an exhausting “helicopter-parent” style of accountability coaching. It was like the 20% of the clients who weren’t getting good results took up 80% of my effort, and it was draining my passion for my business. Completing my Certification with Kylie has been the best decision of my career. The very next month after finishing I created a new program and made $30,000 in new sales. I now have a repeatable system to coach my clients and I can get them both immediate AND long-lasting change, sometimes in less than 40 minutes. In the past 12 months, I have doubled my freedom and fulfilment in my business I have created raving clients who snap up my offers.”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.