Do you SWALLOW down your truth, so you don’t cause waves or make a fuss?
Were you ever told to make a wish, when you blow out a candle but never tell anyone or it won’t come true?
Were you told to “sit down and shut up” as a kid?
So many of us silence ourselves and don’t speak our truth. So many of us have trouble asking for what we really want. So many of us struggle to say “NO, I don’t want to”, “No thank you. I’d rather not.”
When we squash down our truth with lies, and silence, often we need to put a lid on it so that it doesn’t bubble up as feelings of resentment and anger.
Guess what we use as a LID?
Food. Sugar. Wine. Chocolate. Bread.
Check out this video today, to find out more, and how you can finally solve this and reclaim the power of your voice.
Hey there! Kylie Ryan here from My Mind Coach – and together with my partner, Bianca Aiono, we help women reclaim their body confidence so that they can speak their truth, live in power and live the life that they were born to live.
I’ve been really reflecting on this past year on why we silence ourselves. Because so often, the women that we work with tell us that they feel invisible, they tell us that nobody listens to them, they feel like they’re unheard.
Maybe they’re the mother caring for their children and they feel like they have to yell to be heard. Or maybe they’re in a corporate environment and really struggling against this patriarchal glass ceiling. Feeling like they silence themselves and that their voice doesn’t matter, their voice isn’t taken into account in the same way as other people that have more power within the society.
I was really reflecting on how we silence ourselves and it’s been something that’s shown up for me personally in the past year. I definitely found that I have less inspiration to speak out. I’ve written less blogs, I’ve done less video, trainings, I’ve done less lives. I’ve been a little bit in my cocoon, a little bit hermit – and there’s been many reasons why that’s been the case.
But as I was thinking about this and making a change, it’s less important to ask why you did certain things in the past. Of course, it’s interesting to reflect on why those things happened and why you made that particular decision and why prioritized some things over others. Sure, it’s great to reflect on the past – but once you’ve taken a small amount of time to reflect on the past, it’s actually more important to just make a change and start taking action to move forward.
So if you noticed that there’s something missing in your life, something you’d like to do more of but you’re not, something you’d like to speak up about but you’re not, then it’s less important to ask why you’re silencing yourself and more important to just start speaking up.
Your voice matters, what you have to say matters, and your opinion matters. And we live in a society now where free speech is available to everyone through social media – through YouTube, through Facebook, through Instagram, through all of those wonderful platforms – then you have the opportunity to build your audience and to speak your truth.
But so many don’t do that. Why is that?
And so many people who have a platform then find themselves silencing or censoring themselves from their truth. And of course there are reasons why that happens – wanting to fit in, wanting to be a part of the tribe, being afraid of being laughed at, being afraid of embarrassing yourself. Sometimes not even being able to take your thoughts and translate them into words so that you can make a coherent sentence.
There are many reasons why people don’t speak their truth – but the only way to get better to making your thoughts into words and creating a communication that actually makes an impact, the only way to get better at it is to do it.
And I think a lot of people, they don’t speak their truth or they don’t speak what they’re passionate about because they see so many other voices out there, especially now when the barrier to entry for publishing is so low.
In the past you would have had to have a printing press or connections to the newspaper or be a journalist or be a TV news anchor in order to have your views heard by the world. Now, all you need is a phone with a camera on it and an access to the internet and you can be a publisher too.
But so many people silence themselves because the barrier to entry is so low, there’s so many voices out there, so many voices saying all sorts of different things, it’s so easy for your internal voice, for your internal narrative to say, “How does my voice matter? Me speaking my truth, how does that make any difference? There are so many people that are already saying this particular thing that I’m passionate about, so many voices that are already talking this message, why should I speak my truth?”
I hear this a lot from my graduating NLP students when I train them how to be NLP coaches. They graduate and then they’re like, “Ohhh!”
The fastest way to make an impact is to start speaking your truth and using your voice and teaching what you’ve learned and how it weaves into your unique life experience. But so many have this trepidation, this fear to actually speak up, because there’s so many other people that are speaking the same message, like, “How could I say anything different?”
The truth is, your voice does matter and your unique take on understanding some particular concept, even if it’s been talked about a million times before, the way that you speak about it, the way that you explain it, the way that you understand it and communicate that, could be the exact way that someone else needs to hear in order to move forward, in order to take their next step.
Leading up to doing this video, when I reflect back over the past few weeks, it’s almost like the Universe has been conspiring to unleash my muse again and to encourage me, to nudge me to step up and start speaking out again about the things that are important to me, the things that I’m passionate about.
The Universe has been giving me nudges – and most of those nudges has come in the form of the voices of friends, mentors, teachers that I look up to, who are stepping into their next level of greatness, their next level of visibility, their next level of service.
When I think about how I can serve the world, then of course it has to be through service through my voice, through what I’m passionate about and what’s important to me to share with you, because it might be just the thing that you need to hear to take your next step.
And that’s how we create ripple changes in the world – by one person inspiring one person, inspiring the next person, inspiring the next person. That’s how movements are made. That’s how the ripple effect happens.
As I’ve been thinking about this, I remembered this concept that I learnt in my communication studies at uni, this idea of the subaltern. The subaltern community, the subaltern voice. It refers to this idea from colonialism that the people who have been colonized that people that are classed as less than, as inferior, and so inferior that they often have no voice.
This idea of the subaltern I feel has been internalized by so many communities and so many people that their inner critic, the colonialism that’s happening in their head of this kind of patriarchal voice or the media or their self-critic, is causing them to actually silence themselves and not speak their truth, and be too afraid to speak their voice.
And what happens when people have no voice, when communities of people have no voice or collections of people have no voice? Crimes can start to happen, then people start to see them as less than human. Atrocious things start to happen when people have no voice, when people have no free speech. We only need to look not too very far into history to see that happening.
It’s true that some people will take advantage of that silence and really take advantage of the person who has no voice, will take advantage of the person who doesn’t speak up.
And that’s when they step into the well-known drama triangle of victim, aggressor, rescuer – where the victim has no voice, has no power, and so the aggressor is free to kind of do whatever they want because the victim doesn’t have the power to speak the word no, doesn’t have the power to speak the word no and speak their boundaries and speak what is important to them, so they don’t have any choice.
And when they don’t have any choice then they lose the ability to take in what is precious to them, they lose the ability to speak their truth.
That’s why it’s so important for you to speak your truth and for me to speak my truth. Because the more of us speak our truth even if there is just a sea of voices, the more we start to hear other opinions, the more we start to see other people who are different from us, who have different ways of communicating things, who have different cultural references. Communicating ideas that maybe matter to us and maybe widen our perspective of the world and open our heart to other ways of doing things.
Our work in My Mind Coach is very much centered around helping you in your health and in your well-being, about reclaiming your body confidence, reclaiming freedom from food rules and diet dogma, and all of the ways that we limit ourselves by keeping ourselves trapped in a body that feels unworthy to be seen, that feels unworthy to be heard, the ways we keep ourselves padded up to protect ourselves from the world and the way we silence ourselves.
So our work in My Mind Coach is to help you to notice those mind programs that are happening so that you can reclaim them, so that you can change them, so that you can update those old software programs and start to speak your truth again.
I was doing a coaching session with a client just the other day and she was wondering why she had this insatiable craving for alcohol. She was trying to stop drinking. We went back to a memory in her childhood. We time-traveled back to that memory where she said the root cause of this feeling, the craving to take something in, to put something in her mouth, was all the way back in the crib as a very young baby crying out for someone to come and care for her, for someone to come and listen to her.
And when her cries went unanswered then this craving of needing to put something in her mouth, of needing to be heard, it translated into this sense of dummying herself, to silence herself through food, through alcohol – all of these other methods that she used as an adult to self-soothe, all of the ways that as adults we put a dummy in our mouths.
The next time you go to eat something think about: are you eating something because you are actually hungry, because your body is physiological needing food? Or are you putting something in your mouth to silence your truth? Are you putting something in your mouth as a dummy to stop yourself from speaking your truth or to squash down an uncomfortable feeling that you don’t want to face?
That’s how your voice and your body and your truth all become very intertwined.
Our work is helping people to conquer their cravings and reclaim their voice and reclaim their body confidence is so critical. So if you find yourself having a tumultuous relationship with food, if you find that you’re not speaking your truth or you have some secret dream that you’d like to go after or someone that you need to tell something to but you can’t bring yourself to do it, then I’d love to invite you to join us in our next Conquer Your Cravings Free Challenge. It’s starting in the middle of January and we run them quite regularly throughout the year.
Keep an eye out on the link below for our next Conquer Your Cravings challenge where Bianca and I will be sharing with you all of these deep reasons why you might be struggling with snacking at night or putting chocolate in your mouth after your kids have gone to bed and not being able to stop it.
Because there are deeper reasons why that’s happening than what you’re currently aware of – and it’s critical to understand these deeper inner currents that are influencing your behavior so that you can start to take action to change it in a way that is sustainable, that creates sustainable transformation and doesn’t require dieting, willpower and smashing yourself into the ground with even more dogma.
Here’s to you speaking your truth, living confidently and reclaiming your power to live your best life!
with so much love,
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for clients when I had my gyms with Vision and more recently at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery.
I highly recommend her work.