It has brought domestic violence back into the spotlight, where it belongs, so we can talk about it and deal with it.
“Given the scope of this definition of domestic violence, the private nature of the relationships within which violence occurs and the fact that most incidents of domestic violence go unreported, it is impossible to measure the true extent of the problem. We do know, however, that domestic violence in Australia is common and widespread. We know that a woman is more likely to be killed in her home by her male partner than anywhere else or by anyone else. We also know that most women do not report violence to police; they are even less likely to report violent incidents to police when the perpetrator is a current partner.”
A woman is more likely to be killed in her home by her male partner, than anywhere else, or by anyone else.
Did you read that?
Of course, not all men are violent or abusive. However enough are, and are in silent, in the secret privacy of the closed doors of the family home.
The incredible emotional toll that abuse takes internally will often lead to comfort eating, drinking, shopping or drugs as a form of escape. The more insidious erosion of a woman’s self-esteem through insults and the abuse often leads to her adding a protective shield of fat, an unconscious safety device. Thus making the taunts a self-fulfilling prophecy. She also reinforces the abuse when she decides to believe it and become her own abuser inside her mind, leading to a downward spiral of powerlessness and hopelessness.
This is the extreme end of the Drama Cycle in action. Victim, Abuser, Rescuer. We vilify the abuser, and sympathise with the victim, try to rescue them, or ask those questions: “How could she stay?”, “Why doesn’t she leave?”, “Why does she put up with it?” Abuse often leaves serious internal emotional bruising, often leading the victim to believe the bullshit they have been told repeatedly that she’s the problem”, she’ll never find anything better, she’s lucky to be with him. If you’ve never been inside it you will find it difficult to understand, if you have, you certainly don’t need me to tell you about it.
What these ladies (or any victim of abuse) needs is our support, love and encouragement. Someone to listen without judgement. To care and believe in them, to remind them of their inner power, to remind them that the abuser in their life and their head is telling lies. Remind them that they deserve more, that they are worth love, kindness and safety.
Victims stay in these kinds of relationships because they have their own inner abuser. Victims find these kinds of relationships because that is what they have learned a relationship is, and it’s better the devil you know. (Of course it’s not) Victims stay because of fear.
What any victim needs to know is that IT CAN CHANGE. You can have a loving supportive relationship with a man who respects and trusts you. You can feel empowered and safe in your body and in your world. There is nothing that you can ever do or not do to take away this right. it is the most basic of human rights. You will have support to make this change. People will believe you and help you. You would not have “created” this situation for yourself if you did not have the internal strength and fortitude to overcome it.
Instead of calling yourself a victim, or a recovering victim, find a new name, a new identity for yourself. So you made some choices that sucked, put up with unacceptable behaviour, who hasn’t? They were the best choices you were capable of at the time. Now it’s time to begin rebuilding the trust in yourself and finding your inner power and strength. Time to find the inner warrior queen, who rises above the drama, who notices it and sees those petty games for what they are. Petty. Beneath you. Time to move on and play a bigger game. Time to create love in your life and remind yourself that you are worthy of all that you dream of. Violence and abuse in any form is unacceptable, there is nothing that excuses that behaviour, nothing you could do to deserve it.
As you begin to observe the Drama Cycle as it plays out you will immediately jump out of the roles into the cool, collected, empowered observer. From this place of witnessing without judgement, you can take responsibility for your part in the Drama without condoning abuser. If you did allow yourself to be victimised, there was a choice there, somewhere. (Just for the record, I am not saying that victims of abuse consciously choose the events, and there is a choice to either own the abuse and identify with it, to put up with it, or not)
When you find that choice and own it. You will be reminded of the fact that you now have another choice to make. A choice that you need to make consciously, with all of your being, all of your inner strength and all of your resources. A choice that is about your future. A choice about who you want to be. and what kind of life you want to have.
I want you to know that no matter what you’ve been through, I’m cheering for you. I believe in you. You can create the life that you want, filled with love and kindness.
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
“I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for my gym clients at both Vision Personal Training & now at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery as fitness leaders. At my recent Fitness Business event, my gym owner colleagues were blown away by her talk, saying she is the best speaker they have ever seen. After every event we always get rave reviews about her talks and training. I highly recommend Kylie’s work as a coach & speaker.”
“I finished the Spiritual Awakening Course yesterday and I found it truly amazing. An incredible next step after our coach training. I feel so much more enlightened and “opened-up”. It has really opened my eyes to the power of the universe and the energy flowing in each of us. I loved it – thank you.
I am feeling so lucky at the moment. So many things are just falling into my lap. I visualise it and set my intention to manifest it and it comes. Things such as getting more clients, needing help to put my business online, not knowing how to get known in my local community etc. Courses / insights / clients have just fallen into my lap at the right time.”
Of course I am still learning and growing, but the course has really helped. Thank you”
“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.