Feedback – Tips to give and to receive with grace.

Feedback – Tips to give and to receive with grace.

I was blessed to receive some feedback today from a client and friend, that will help me to grow and become more awesome, efficient and effective in my business and serve you better! Yay!

This wonderful friend is a strategy and systems expert, and she pointed out some areas of my business that could use a little strategy love and organisation.

I so appreciate the comments and the minute she said it I knew it was true. As a mum of two with a very full life, sometimes my organisation is not as water-tight as I would like it to be! Strategy and systems are those working-ON-the-business things that makes everything better in the long run, but takes time to set up and orchestrate at the start. I love that stuff, and need to do even more of it.

Even though I welcomed this feedback, it was challenging for her to bring it up with me.

Why is this?

Well most people take constructive feedback as a personal attack, and become defensive and hurt. It can totally ruin relationships! So most people stay silent rather than share their experience. While this has a kind-hearted intention, often the feedback is the very thing we need to grow!


Feedback is the very thing we need to grow.

The only reason we get defensive, is that we have attached our self-worth to behaviour or creation. So when you perceive someone “criticise” IT, you can hear it as a personal attack on who YOU ARE.

Have you ever felt attacked, or personally criticised when on reflection, you now know that it was just someone trying to help you get better?

It can be hard to hear feedback. So here’s some tips to help you give and receive it.


Tips for receiving feedback with grace.

– There’s no failure, only feedback.

Remember that someone having an opinion of how you could do something better does not equate to a failure of your character or you as a person. When you take “failure” out of the picture, it removes the sting out of hearing about something you could do better.

– Search inside yourself, to see if there is merit.

Instead of brushing it off as angry or mean, reflect and research to see if the feedback has merit and can be of value. Find out if others feel the same and if a change is required. Everybody brings their own projections, beliefs and expectations into the experience and it is a co-creation of both people.

– If it does, take action!

If someone has gone to the trouble of giving you feedback, it means that the issue had a big enough impact on them to warrant them spending their time and emotion telling you. It can be uncomfortable to give constructive feedback, and my opinion is that people don’t waste that time or energy on people they don’t care, so value the experience as a learning and take action to remedy as soon as possible.


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Tips for giving feedback with grace.

If you feel that you have genuine constructive feedback to give someone, but are unsure of how to go about it, this can help.

– Focus on your intent to serve the person to grow.

When you focus on your caring intention, your approach will be very different to someone who is just being nasty. If you truly want to help, you need the other person to hear what you’re saying and not be defensive, so approach with love and care.

– Be specific to the sensory facts.

Instead of making sweeping generalisations, aim to be precise and stick to the facts as you perceive them. Often the person will not have the same experience of the events as you do, so if you can stick to your truth with words like “i saw…”, “I heard…”, “I felt…” then the person can come to their own conclusions without feeling like they are being attacked.

– Be compassionate and clear.

Remember that you don’t know what you don’t know. Nobody means to make a mistake, or do something in a way that is an inconvenience for someone else, but often you don’t know what you don’t know. That goes for you and the other person. There are things that you both are unaware of in the exchange, and that’s ok! It’s not possible to know everything. If the feedback is important enough for you to want to share it, then follow through, be compassionate, and clear. Remember giving feedback is a way of showing you care.

If you can approach giving and receiving feedback with an open heart and communicate clearly then it will become an opportunity for growth for you both.

So, with that in mind, I’d LOVE to ask you for some feedback now. Constructive or celebratory! If you are a new reader, or long time follower, a client or customer, I would love to hear your experience of my service and any ideas you have to help me serve you better.

Can you help me by sharing your feedback on how I can serve you better?

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Comments (2)

  1. Ciao Kylie,
    Great post. As growing my coaching business, I value the feedback I receive from clients as a platform to grow from and develop further.
    I just received a feedback on an intake session yesterday and that moved me to improve and implement some aspects of my practice and framing.
    As you mentioned as well, I was thinking about that for some people feedback it is an attack and the self defence mechanism doesn’t allow growth for them, which i consider being related to the quality of communication that is involved as when it is truly honest and open is when has beneficial effect on important aspect of growth as feedback.
    Looking forward to read more of your articles and share similar experiences

    • Great comment Simone, Thank you! yes. Every time we get feedback it helps us all to grow! 🙂 Best wishes with your coaching business! I see you’re a musician too! Cool!

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