Hey team! It’s Kylie from My Mind Coach here.
Today I want to talk to you about a pattern that I see in relationships, that I’ve seen in my clients, that I see in people, other parents that I talk to – and that is just a pattern that shows up in the collective a lot.
It’s something that’s really useful to be aware of so that you don’t fall into it yourself.
Now I am going to talk specifically about marriages with kids and speaking mostly to the gendered normal dynamic of man, wife, kids. This pattern though can play out in non-gender binary relationships, either lesbian or gay relationships.
So just be aware that I’m going to talk man and wife – but it can be appropriate for any gender in any kind of relationship, in any kind of loving relationship where there’s a division of roles.
The idea is from resentment to riaow in your marriage, and like a good kind of riaow, like passion and fire and joy and wanting to make love and intimacy and feeling that partnership in your marriage.
The problem is, when we get into partnerships within our marriage with a traditional kind of gender role dynamic then maybe one person is going out and being the main breadwinner and the other person is looking after the kids.
What can often happen when two adults have kids is that whether one is working and the other one is looking after the kids – or both are working and also trying to manage looking after the kids with childcare and what have you – is that each adult can kind of loop in the other adult with the kids and start to think about it like a husband starting to think of the wife, “You know, wife and kids.” And wife going, “Oh, I’ve got three children,” when they’ve got two children and the husband.
And it’s very easy to do because practically if the wife is doing the washing for instance then she’s washing her clothes, her kids’ clothes and her husband’s clothes – and so it’s easy for her to say, “Oh, I’m doing all of my children’s washing.”
And I hear women joking about it, some of my friends joke about it.
And I hear people saying it all the time, “Oh my husband, he’s just like another child.”
I just want to point out that this is a really dangerous zone for intimacy, for your marriage and for your kind of ongoing joy. Because when you loop your partner in with the kids and you start relating to them even just in jest as a child, then you are projecting that energy upon them as if they are a child.
And so then a part of you feels like you’re responsible for them and can become resentful because you’re like, “I’m not responsible for you, you’re another adult.”
And then it kills the relationship in the bedroom, it kills the polarity, the ability for you to come together as adults because it’s creating a parent-child dynamic. And when there’s a parent-child dynamic of one caring for the other then… you know, you don’t want to go to sleep with your parent.
So even if it’s just an archetypal energy shift of parent to child, it can really throw out your polarity and your passion in the bedroom.
The solution here is to, when you’re thinking about the way that you care for your partner maybe in being the primary breadwinner or earner or helping them out with making lunches or doing washing or cleaning the house, instead of thinking about it as “Oh, I’m cleaning or I’m looking after my husband and my children” like all the kids, think about it as “I’m contributing to my sacred union”.
Start to think about your partner with appreciation for what they do, because each of us has our own special gifts and talents.
And in a marriage, then yes, there is that economic relationship of like, yeah, we’re better together because we share the responsibility, we share the load and we share the costs and we share the child-rearing. So there is an economic transaction that happens, but there’s also a sacred union that is there.
Whether you’re married or not, if you’re holding the container of raising children together then you have this ability to show in your heart and in the way that you behave towards your partner a demonstrated sacred reverence. A sacred reverence for who they are and how they’re contributing to the family.
And when your children see you demonstrating a sacred reverence to your partner with love, with appreciation of what they do, with appreciation in the bedroom, and you have that intimacy, then you will retain that passion. You will be able to reclaim that passion even if it’s gone a bit off track from late nights and exhaustion of rearing children. And you will demonstrate this divine union of masculine and feminine which starts from the inside.
It starts internally with each of us honoring our inner masculine and feminine energy, sometimes also known as linear and nonlinear energies.
We each have both of these different energies – the creative force and the receptive force.
Whether you want to genderfy them with masculine, feminine, or call them linear, nonlinear, when we honor both of these different energies and the different creations and the ways that they create, then we can create that externally in our relationships as well.
And so when you honor like king and queen in your marriage and two sovereign beings who honor and appreciate each other, then you will dissolve resentment and amplify the passion, intimacy, joy and orgasmic pleasure in your marriage and in your life and in your bedroom.
I hope that’s been useful for you. I’ve been really working deeply with some powerful leaders lately and healers around aligning their energy centers, aligning their linear and nonlinear energy – and it is mind-blowing what we’re achieving together.
So if you’re interested in doing some one-on-one work with me, then definitely reach out, send me a private message and we can have a chat about it. But I hope that’s been really useful for you.
Think about, with appreciation, all of the things that your partner does for you so that you can start to honor them and create a sacred container. King and queen for your life internally and externally.
I hope that served you. Speak to you soon.
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