My Secret Second Life: Are you hiding parts of yourself to fit in?

I have a secret second life, here’s my confession…

A few days ago I had an awesome business coaching conversation with one fabulous marketing badass: Amber McLean of Naked Women’s Business. I LOVE coaching so much, because it always helps take you to the next level. No matter how much “work” you do on your mindset and beliefs (and I tell you I’ve done a load of it!) there’s always more growth and learning you can do. That’s why I continue to invest in getting coaching for myself from all sorts of different coaches every year.

Blind Spot Alert!

Well this conversation helped me get clear on a little black and white thinking I’ve been doing for so long it became invisible to me. Blind spot alert!  So much of the unconscious programming we live by is downloaded into us when we are kids. Especially the stuff we learn by watching the dynamics around us as young babies.

Here’s my story (just my perceptions of the events) and how it impacted a few of my unconscious beliefs… By the way, this is not about blaming my childhood, or either of my parents. We know that everyone is just doing the best they can with their own resources and beliefs. I’m only telling some of my story in case it resonates with you and helps you realise some of your unconscious beliefs, as you reflect on your own stories.

My Story.

I remember when I was a kid, my mum, sister and I used to run around the house tidying up when we heard our Dad coming in the driveway, in order to not get “in trouble” we had to have a clean, tidy house. At other times, I listened to my mother talk about how she used to be a singer and gave that up for us. Later when my parents were separating and my mother rediscovered her love of music and performing, my Dad would talk negatively about her and tease her for it…

My old limiting beliefs… (Not my beliefs anymore!)

So a few of the beliefs I created through witnessing those experiences were:

• To be safe you must always be clean and tidy.
• Singing is not permitted.
• Performing on stage is equivalent to prostitution.
• Singing and music is not a real job.
• You must give up your passions when you have a family.

Singing and performing live is one of my greatest gifts and passions. Due to those unconscious beliefs I split myself in two. I have a “cleaned-up” version of myself, and sexy performing vixen version of myself.  Under my performing alter-ego Kyla Sexton (my maiden name and a made-up first name)  I wrote and released dance music songs with various producers and I performed at fancy corporate events and in nightclubs all over the world. Under my real name Kylie, I built my coaching business. Each side fulfilled different parts of my personality, and different needs. I am wildly passionate about both,  and both fuel my soul in different ways.

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I don’t need parts, and neither do you!

Even though with my coaching hat on I know that people don’t need “parts” to operate, and it’s best to be a whole, integrated human being, I just couldn’t see how these two parts of myself could possibly work together. Though I am very happy to not be singing in nightclubs anymore, (you get a bit past it after nearly 10 years!) I fully considered stopping writing music and singing altogether since I became a Mum. See how those pesky limiting beliefs play out!

I didn’t intend to create two separate identities, it just kind of happened over time. Of course, different situations bring out different aspects of yourself, and it’s normal to moderate somewhat to the environment, like not swearing in front of children for instance, there’s a time and a place, but this became something else. I was not being true to myself, or fully authentic, by sacrificing something that I cared about so deeply.

Coaching to awareness.

Now, in this business coaching session Amber brought all this to my awareness and reminded me that I need to bring ALL of my gifts to bear to be fully successful and happy. I can’t just stuff down a part of myself in order to fit what I think people or “society” thinks is appropriate. No matter how happy I am with the other part of my life, there would be a bit of me missing… She also introduced me to Marie Forleo who is an uber-successful, quirky marketing and lifestyle coach for women, who is also an accomplished dancer and choreographer. She dances in fun, music videos in amongst her coaching, advice and inspiration. Awesome! Seeing her site, and how she presents herself in a fun, insightful, authentic and creative way was like a slap in the face and a drink of cool water after years in the desert. Aha! Finally a model of a woman who is being successful, forging her own quirky path and people love her for it! Hooray!

So, I want to prepare you for my own next stage transformation over the coming months as I integrate this new awareness and breakthrough into my business. You will see a bit more music, creativity, fun, and ooh even a little sexiness, as I bring my whole self to play with you! 🙂

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who does this…

If you do, I’d LOVE you to reflect on how my story may or may not be a metaphor for some of your own experiences.

• Have you given up or hidden any aspects of your awesomeness in order to “fit” within normal society?
• Is there some creative or artistic activity that you used to love doing,  that you don’t do anymore?
• Did you “give up” a part of yourself for any reason?
• Do you dream about another life where you could follow your “real passion”?
• Do you minimise yourself in any way to fit in?

Some of my songs.

If you’re curious, here’s some of my old dance music songs… and a few more of my live event photos… The last one below is a cover, all the rest I wrote with producers.

and here’s a link to my newer, unreleased pop ballads I’ve been co-writing over the past year since I stopped dance music.

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