|Imagine me sitting down for dinner at a Gala event as a finalist for a Business award. We’re all dressed up for this special occasion and my proud and loving husband asks for a photo together. I’m happy to oblige but when I see my image on the screen – I am horrified.
I look like a podgy blueberry trying to stuff itself into a shapeless sack. My arms are grotesque sausages, my belly is a bloated tyre and there’s a disgusting layer of fat around my chin.
I feel a red wave of embarrassment, shame and disgust wash over me, OMG HOW could I have let this happen?
To add insult to injury I also notice my thighs are sore from chafing, all I want to do is leave immediately and cry on the way home. But I have to stay – they’re about to call my name to go up on stage FFS!
It was only 12 months earlier that I had completely transformed my body on a mammoth diet and exercise challenge. I was a size 10, with visible abs, a sharp jawline, slim thighs and rock hard buns. I actually went on to win “Miss Brisbane” in a Body Sculpting competition and they even featured my Before & After transformation in Oxygen Magazine!
After gorging myself at the celebratory dinner I woke up the next morning puffy, bloated and with a raging headache. After eating so clean for so long – my body reacted violently to the tornado of salt, sugar and fat I’d plunged myself in.
I remember pinching my stomach in horror thinking “OH MY GOD I AM ALREADY GETTING FAT AGAIN!” (And I was equally pissed because all that food I dreamed of for so long – didn’t even live up to the hype!!!)
Instead of being super proud of my achievements – I was a victim of my ruthlessly high standards. You’d think I would have gotten “right back on the bandwagon” after that wouldn’t you?
But I was like, “Hang on, let’s just have a few more “treat meals” before I start again…”
And then I was like Homer salivating over “beer battered friiiiieees”…..
“I’ll start Monday” happened week after week after week…..
Then, it was like a movie screen flashing before my eyes, months of working hard on the computer, staying up late, rushing around skipping meals and eating junk on the run…
I would collapse on the couch like a slobbering walrus at 8pm and then be wide awake at 2am stressing and anxious about the day ahead…
I remembered the caffeine that pepped me up in the mornings, the chocolate that kept me going through the afternoon and the secret guilty bowls of ice cream every other night I had just for a bit of “fun”.
It all started to blur into one big, hot, fat mess… Now I remembered exactly how I got like this.
Even though after my challenge I had lost over 17kgs from when I started- from that very first Sunday blow out I just couldn’t help thinking I was always just varying degrees of “fat” in comparison to that ultra lean (and completely unrealistic) version of me.
And seeing that Gala Event photo was like getting punched in the face with the reality of all those negative choices.
I was the prime example of what happens “After the After”.
This is when the “All or Nothing” pendulum swings, you’re in the grips of the dieting gym bunny to coach potato rebound and feeling powerless to stop it.
The thing was – I already knew everything about diets. I had studied them obsessively since I was in high school.
I didn’t need more information. I needed more motivation!
I needed to know how to STICK to a diet.
That’s when I googled “Weight Loss Motivation” and stumbled across Kylie’s website My Mind Coach.
I thought I was SO broken and after a year of couch potato-ing I desperately wanted to get back my super toned, size 10 body.
I knew I needed Kylie’s help because I just couldn’t seem to stay motivated on my plan for longer than 2 weeks! (And I was a fitness professional – you’d think I’d have more willpower than that!)
I was beginning to think I might as well give up and just accept that I was always going to be fat and it was always going to be a struggle…
I was sure I needed AT LEAST 10 coaching sessions before I would fix this problem.
But to my absolute surprise it only took ONE session to really help me unpack what was keeping me stuck! Kylie told me what I was experiencing actually was a really common mindset trap for many high performing women.
A few weeks later she emailed and asked me if I had been eating better and sticking to my exercise plan like I had told her that I wanted her help with.
I actually just said, “No. Sorry, I haven’t. I’m just trying to enjoy life for a while.”
The truth was – I no longer had those large reservoirs of will power to force myself to do things I didn’t enjoy. If trying to force yourself to do things was a limb- it was like it had been cut off. I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything I didn’t really want to, every choice had to be the easiest, simplest choice.
And for a long time things stayed the same …… from the outside at least.
But after a while I noticed myself feeling more motivated, more positive, more trusting in the process and being far less critical of my body and what others might think of it.
The reason I show these pics is that it illustrates as how far willpower can really take you in a diet when you believe the myth “I’ll be happy when I’ve lost the weight”
The truth is – anybody can force their body to lose weight, but nobody can force it to stay off!
And here’s a secret most people never get the “privilege” to discover. I was exercising 3 hours a day, 6 days a week and I even ate 24 egg whites a day for over 6 weeks!
But even when I was ripped AF with paper thin fat levels all over my body – I STILL felt like I was a fraud and I STILL was critical of my body!
Surprise surprise – I couldn’t diet my Inner Critic away!
Today I eat to satisfaction, I enjoy my desserts without any of the guilt and I’m no longer afraid I’ll lose control on a holiday dinner.
I maintain a healthy weight and toned physique without deprivation, balancing macros or even vigorous exercise.
The biggest difference from back then (and the one that I’m most proud of) is that I just really have a deep sense of gratitude for my body. Critical thoughts about my reflection in the mirror just don’t have a place in my mind anymore.
I’ll also share what I actually did to create this radical transformation, and how we’ve helped hundreds of women do the exact same thing (and why you can do it too)
Until then remember –
Diets are for Dying – Life is for Living!
P.S. Join Kylie and I in our Free Facebook group the Body Confidence Movement by going here.
It’s your community of hard working, time-poor professional women and mothers who are sick of the weight loss rollercoaster and instead are looking to make peace with their plate and fall in love with their body.
I’ve passed the big 4-0! I’ve now ‘released’ 48kgs, since the birth of my son 2 years ago. To Kylie, Selina and all my GBQ sisters, you helped me to get out of my own way, so I could coach my inner critic and encourage my cheerleader. I am getting my pre-babies mojo back and am in a better headspace than when I was fighting fit! I feel like GBQ really delivered on the greatest gift, self-love and clarity, and has given me the confidence and conviction to continue my journey! Thank you.
With Kylie’s help I released the hopelessness & anger I was using as an excuse, and have stepped out of my shell with a vengeance! I’m now clear on what I want to do with my life and I’m taking steps towards making it a reality, and in doing so my entire eating habits have changed… the ‘hunger subsided’ & I’ve stuck to my better eating habits and gym workouts easily. It’s been amazing!
Working with Kylie has been life changing. Kylie helped me get back in touch with my own body, taught me how to nourish myself and get my glowing, gorgeous body. She helped me move from self-loathing to self-love. She taught me how to consciously turn down the critical voice and turn up my inner cheerleader. Without a doubt starting with your mindset is the first place to start on your weight loss journey. Lasting results for sure and totally life changing!
What I have gotten out of the course can’t be measured. I glow from the inside out! For the first time in years; I am happy because I am happy! I love myself – I can actually look in a mirror with no self loathing… I love the woman smiling back at me and not just because my body has changed on the outside – I have changed from the inside and it is a reflection!
Everything has really changed, I finally let the girl inside out. I feel like my life has really just started. I’ve had a massive increase in personal power (from zero), sense of possibility, happiness, resilience, CONFIDENCE! Reached my first weight loss goal, I have gone from a size 12 to an 8-10. I love myself and respect myself for the first time, I cannot express how much this has changed me. Thank you does not even cut it.
I have been struggling with my weight and feeling of not being good enough for as long as I can remember…This has changed for me now. I have had more awakenings and realisations and learnings than I thought possible in the past few months. This really is SOOOOO not about the weight. I TOTALLY get that now.
I have loads more energy… I’m eating so well and exercising when I can. With my 1st baby I couldn’t cope with the emotional roller-coaster that is pregnancy. I ate, and ate, and ate non-stop. My head is in such a great place at the moment. I owe it all to Kylie and your Goddess Body Quest program x