imPOSSIBLE?
What happens when someone tells you that you are not good enough?
What if that someone is your own brother?
What if they tell you in your face that what you dream of is never going to happen because you simply you don’t have “IT” or you cannot possibly do it?
Well I found out this morning. My mind couldn’t stop thinking about those words that my own brother told me while we were on the train. I know that he doesn’t get me. I know that he thinks I am crazy for trying to pursue my passion instead of getting a job with lots of money and just do what everybody else does… But I thought that he may for once believe in me. Even if the mountain that I am about to climb seems incredibly huge and impossible to get on top of it, even if I may never reach the top I just thought that perhaps he would support me, he won’t make fun of me and certainly not dis-encourage me.
For the whole day I had these questions in my head. “Am I good enough?” “Is it possible”? “Can I do it?”
I have to be honest with you and say… I seriously don’t know. Some days I feel special, I feel that I have a spark in me that I am beautifully weird! Other days I am beating myself up for not starting earlier, for not realising, for not being brave, for not following my heart….(and these are the reasons for which I hate(d) myself as I shared with you in my first post). What about today? Well today was a mixture of the two. It was like I had a split mind. A voice told me “Stuff it, even if you try your best you won’t succeed, just give up.” and yet another one screamed from the back of my head “Keep working harder don’t give up, you will prove him and everyone else wrong!”.
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Which voice should I listen to? If you were me what would you choose? Well I will guess that the voice you chose is voice number two and that is the one I chose too. It wasn’t easy…the two voices had a battle in my head for quite a while. But choosing the negative voice inside me would mean that I will have to give up the thing that gives excitement in my life, it gives me meaning and it keeps my heart beating!! I will then drown into the ocean of self-loathing, I will feed myself till I explode and I will probably die in my 30’s or 40’s. Hmm…it doesn’t seem very appealing does it? Instead I choose the positive voice, the one that can take me to different oceans, see new things and grow to the person I can and want to be.
It may be too late for me, I may not have the brain for it, I may not have the talent, I may not even be realistic but which great mind was? Was Beethoven realistic? If someone told you that one of the best musicians of the world was deaf, would you believe it? Einstein failed high school maths! Now he is considered to be a GENIUS. I’m sure his maths teacher would never have guessed it. Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. If someone told our ancestors that one day people would be able to communicate even if they are on different continents they would absolutely laugh at you like you are the biggest idiot. I’m not saying I am a great mind but what was thought to be impossible was proven wrong multiple times in the past!!! So why can’t I achieve a goal that for others (and for me) seems to be very far away from possible? Why cannot YOU achieve what you want?
Nothing is over yet! We could be part of this worlds’ history!! We can all be just another example of making the impossible possible!!! We can prove everyone wrong but most importantly we can prove our selves wrong. I AM DEFINITELY IN….WHO IS WITH ME?
With endless love…
Cauliflower girl! xoxooo
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