I’ve lost hope and I’m happy about it. Here’s why:

I’ve lost hope and I’m happy about it. Here’s why:

Hoping I’ll get skinny again is like pissing in the wind. It’s just pitter-patter:

“A thousand drops of rain falling in one place will wear away the hardest stone. A thousand drops of rain falling by chance are simply pitter-patter.” (Proverb)

Hoping is passive. Planning is active. I know this. I’ve known it for along time. Just like most women who want to lose a few billion fat cells. You know you need a plan. And deep down, you know it’s got to be a sensible and sustainable one, right?

But how do you get started on this plan? I make a plan every day. To start all over again. Tomorrow. So right here, right now, I can chow down on whatever I like. Tomorrow it’s all good. I’m just going to eat mindfully, and healthily. Nice nutritious stuff. Small portions. Too easy.

Problem is, tomorrow is always a shit time to start. I see my gut, thighs and butt. They alert me to the long, joyless, foodless journey ahead. Impossible. Hope is crushed. So are shame and failure. At least temporarily, by whatever’s in the fridge, finding its way to my mouth, down the gullet, in just the blink of an eye.

But hold it right there, crappy thoughts and feelings! You’ve got competition.

 

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Her name is Gratitude. She is a bit elusive, and she keeps slipping off to some place where I can’t quite reach her. But now I have met her, I want to hang out some more.

She whispered some sweet somethings, some pearls of goddess wisdom before she left. Something about taking baby steps. And loving me now. Don’t wait until you’re skinny to get your teeth fixed, she said. Get them done now. Do your hair nicely like you used to. Just do that, and see.

I’m slowly, slowly getting it. I’m feeling better than I have in months, possibly years. Along with unleashing emotions that I didn’t know were stuck inside, courtesy of the quietly incredible Goddess Body Quest.

So if hope is crushed, I couldn’t care less. I have found Gratitude, and although she slips in and out, I will keep looking for her, hold her hand tight, and listen to her wisdom. She knows me better than anyone. After all, she is me.

Comments (1)

  1. Ah yes, Sweet Gratitude. Love, Nourish, Cherish your body. "Losing hope" could be the best thing you ever did. xxx

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