Mastering the LIES we tell ourselves – Part 2
Lying to yourself limits your perceptions and stops you from achieving your potential.
Last post you learned 7 ways which your internal thinking can lie to you, distort your reality and make life more difficult and solutions seem impossible… Here’s the next 7 ways you can lie to yourself…
Here’s 7 more ways you can do that to yourself, and some tips to unravel the distortions.
8. Personalizing
This is when you take the actions or circumstances of other people and imaging that it’s all about you or targeted towards you. A classic example in relationships is when someone is short or grumpy with you and you immediately imagine that it is because of something you’ve done, or because they are angry at you. This distortion limits and blocks you from clear perspective. Overcome this lie by imagining you are watching the events from a neutral position, like a fly on the wall. Ask yourself, what else could be going on that could be the source of this?
9. Awfulizing
Awfulizing is a combination of two other distortions. Emotionalizing and Labeling. This is when you imagine the worst possible scenario or outcome and make it bigger and more emotional than it needs to be, then label it as awful or terrible, making the event more pervasive than it needs to be. It spreads the distortion around to the rest of your life, so you imagine that everything is awful. This lie stops you from using your creative problem solving skills and reinforces whiny, complaining, victim behaviour. Break this lie by digging for the structure of the problem rather than getting caught up in the story or content. How is this problem similar to others that you have encountered? What are you not noticing about this? Where in your life are things going well?
10. Should-ing & Must-erbating
This lie is when you use demanding words like “should”, “must” or “have to” to pressure yourself or others to conform to some rules in your mind. Obviously this limits your choices, and creates a feeling of enforced duty and pressure. Break this lie by testing the rules that you are attempting to enforce. Ask: Why? Who says? What is the rule? Is there another way? Change your language to substitute must, need, should to want, like to, or prefer.
11. Filtering
This distortion causes you to focus or zoom in on one small aspect or thing to the exclusion of all others. It creates tunnel vision and limits your possibilities and choice. Overcome this distortion by imagining zooming out with your perspective of the event. Imagine being a fly on the wall, or put yourself in the other persons shoes, to get a different perspective.
12. Can’t-ing or Taboo-ing
This is a self-imposed rule that obviously limits your possibilities. Using this word on yourself and others, imagining there is some kind of constraint, law or rule that prevents you or others from doing something. This limits your ideas of what’s possible, stunts your potential and stops your ability to dream and take risks. Break these “can’ts” by testing and questioning them. Ask: what stops you? Do you have permission to do this? Is it possible physically to do this? What stops you? Is it a psychological or physical reason? If you could do it, what would it look, sound and feel like?
[adrotate banner=”4″]
13. Discounting and Perfectionism
This distortion causes you to reject or discount your successes, options or solutions. you’ll notice it when you say things like: “That wasn’t good enough”, “It could have been better”, “That doesn’t matter”. This stops you from celebrating the small successes and milestones along the way and prevents you from building momentum from the good feelings of success, this distortion holds up a mirror of unattainable perfection and leaves you feeling lousy and inadequate. Break this down by focussing on celebrating small wins and successes. Ask yourself: How does this count? What’s good about this? How can I value this? Do I have permission to make mistakes and learn along the way? How can I re-inforce and celebrate this?
14. Identifying
This distortion is when you treat two different things as if they are one and the same. Identifying one thing as another. “He IS….” She IS…” This confuses things and limits your self-definition. Often this distortion will be combined with discounting, as in “He is JUST…..”, “I am just a….” Challenge this by remembering that you and everyone else are more than any of your traits, roles or many identities. You can break this identification by using word that actually describe what the person is doing, separating the behaviour from the person.
Common Mixed Distortions.
Often these distortions will pile on top of each other to create internal lies that bind us just like prison bars, preventing us from seeing the many possibilities and potentials within ourselves and others. Here are some limiting beliefs and the distortions they contain…
- “I am just a mother, I can’t do that.”
– Discounting + Identifying + Can’t-ing - “He’s always been an asshole. He’ll never be any different.”
– Labeling + Discounting + All or Nothing - “Ever since you said that to me my life has been a mess. Now I’ll never get anywhere”
– Blaming + Awfulizing + Prophesying - “I’m not a runner, so I’ll never lose weight”
– Identifying + Discounting + Can’t-ing + All or Nothing.
Argue back and break the LIES!!
- Write down all the distortions and negative beliefs and outright lies that you tell yourself or others on a regular basis.
- Pick one lie that really holds you back
- Go through the list and name all the distortions within your sentences.
- Then question the belief using the tips for each distortion until it unravels and falls apart.
- Repeat for the rest!
Join the conversation…
What are the lies you have been telling yourself that limit and prevent your potential?
What have you gotten out of breaking down the internal lies and giving yourself the power to argue back with the negative voice?
Reference: The information from this post is sourced from the Meta-Coach Certification Training Manuals, to find out more about Meta-Coaching go to: www.meta-coaching.org
Leave a reply
“We couldn’t recommend Kylie highly enough.”
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
- Amanda Bracks - Owner Soulful Fitness (2019 Fitness Australia Boutique of the Year)
“She’s the best speaker they’ve ever seen.”
“I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for my gym clients at both Vision Personal Training & now at Flow Athletic.
I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery as fitness leaders.
At my recent Fitness Business event, my gym owner colleagues were blown away by her talk, saying she is the best speaker they have ever seen.
After every event we always get rave reviews about her talks and training.
I highly recommend her work.”
- Ben Lucas - Founder & CEO, Flow Athletic
“So many things are just falling into my lap.”
“I finished the Spiritual Awakening Course yesterday and I found it truly amazing. An incredible next step after our coach training. I feel so much more enlightened and “opened-up”. It has really opened my eyes to the power of the universe and the energy flowing in each of us. I loved it – thank you.
I am feeling so lucky at the moment. So many things are just falling into my lap. I visualise it and set my intention to manifest it and it comes. Things such as getting more clients, needing help to put my business online, not knowing how to get known in my local community etc. Courses / insights / clients have just fallen into my lap at the right time.”
Of course I am still learning and growing, but the course has really helped. Thank you”
- Katharine Williams - NLP Coach, Limitless Growth
I started my coaching business from scratch before I’d finished the course!
“Before I met Kylie I was feeling very lost working full time in law in Sydney CBD. I’ve known my whole life that I was here to help people, but I just didn’t know exactly how. So when I found Kylie, it just was really fitting that it was going to help me ground my magic. I started the coach training and had an amazing time. It was beautiful to go through the process of having a mentor that had that spiritual element and that holistic element, as well as the very grounded science-based knowledge as well. So that really helped me to conjure that for myself.
I started my business before I even finished the course. I just started putting myself out there. And now I’ve gotten it to a point where I’ve got really grounded solid message, and two years later am running a multi-6 figure coaching business as a leading pioneer in my niche, helping clients all over the world.”
- Ari Kala - Psychic Development Coach
“I have never been this happy or powerful.”
“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
- Danni Vee - Women's Health Coach, My Fit Tribe
“The best decision of my career”
Before attaining my NLP Coach certification, I was an online trainer who was getting excellent results for “some” of my clients. I used a mixture of experience, intuition and an exhausting “helicopter-parent” style of accountability coaching. It was like the 20% of the clients who weren’t getting good results took up 80% of my effort, and it was draining my passion for my business. This meant my income was never predictable, I worked way too many hours, and I was constantly putting out spot-fires for energy-vampire clients.
Completing my Certification with Kylie has been the best decision of my career. The very next month after finishing I created a new and improved program with better boundaries and made $30,000 in new sales. I now have a repeatable system to coach my clients and I can get them both immediate AND long-lasting change, sometimes in less than 40 minutes.
In the past 12 months, I have doubled my freedom and fulfillment in my business I have created raving clients who snap up my offers and I’ve breathed fresh air into my business creativity. My income has remained the same, whilst I have halved the amount of work I was doing. This has given me the freedom to be a present mum and earn an excellent income from home.
- Bianca Aiono, PT Business Mentor & NLP Coach
“I’ve noticed big improvements in my finances and client retention”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
- Blake Worrall-Thompson, Performance Coach & PT
“Magick happens every time!”
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan.
We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.
- Dane Tomas - Creator of The Spiral
Featured In
Comments (3)
Pingback: Mastering the Cognitive Distortions and Lies we tell ourselves | My Mind Coach