The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions – Dr John Demartini
When we ask powerful, useful questions, our energy flows in a way that serves us, however when we ask un-useful questions, our energy flows to a point of stuckness, excuses, and stories of blame and helplessness.
Why is such a powerful question, however there are times when why is a very useful question to help you move forward and times when it only drives you into the ground.
Simon Sinek was right, starting with WHY is an excellent question and process, when you are focused on something that you are moving TOWARD and wanting to achieve in the FUTURE. Asking yourself why in this instance gets to the heart of your purpose and values, and creates motivation, inspiration and drive. If you haven’t seen Sinek’s TED talk I highly recommend it.
However when you are assessing negative behaviour that you have done or a result that you created in the PAST, asking why is not a very useful question at all. When you ask “Why did I do that?” about a negative behaviour often you can’t answer it rationally because the driving force that created that action was unconscious. No-one would ever consciously or rationally choose to sabotage themselves or get a negative outcome. In these cases the driving force is always in our unconscious mind. Asking the why question in this instance only activates excuses, rationalisation and blame, it rarely creates responsibility and choice. Asking why in this instance is often completely useless, and often even counter-productive, as it creates further failure thinking that stops you from moving forward powerfully and learning from your actions.
Remember this with your children also, asking them “why did you hit your sister?” “Why did you draw on the wall?” will not help them to stop it because they probably don’t know and cannot articulate it any better than you can. Most of the time it is not a malicious behaviour, but instead a reaction to very complex emotions, random impulses and confusion. Instead ask the what questions, and notice how you and your child will be calmer and more focused on a positive future choice.
Instead when you do a behaviour that you would like to stop ask yourself the WHAT question instead.
Asking the what question help you stay specific to the facts and stop yourself from blowing the event out of proportion. Asking what I was feeling and telling myself will help you to track back to the unconscious drivers that most likely created the result. Asking about your CHOICE helps to remind you that you were in charge of your choices and you had power and influence in the situation through your choices. Then asking what did I learn and what could I do differently pivots the focus to the future, so that you gather up the wisdom and learning and make a connection with a proactive positive choice for the next time a similar situation occurs.
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“I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for my gym clients at both Vision Personal Training & now at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery as fitness leaders. At my recent Fitness Business event, my gym owner colleagues were blown away by her talk, saying she is the best speaker they have ever seen. After every event we always get rave reviews about her talks and training. I highly recommend Kylie’s work as a coach & speaker.”
“I finished the Spiritual Awakening Course yesterday and I found it truly amazing. An incredible next step after our coach training. I feel so much more enlightened and “opened-up”. It has really opened my eyes to the power of the universe and the energy flowing in each of us. I loved it – thank you.
I am feeling so lucky at the moment. So many things are just falling into my lap. I visualise it and set my intention to manifest it and it comes. Things such as getting more clients, needing help to put my business online, not knowing how to get known in my local community etc. Courses / insights / clients have just fallen into my lap at the right time.”
Of course I am still learning and growing, but the course has really helped. Thank you”
“Before I met Kylie I was feeling very lost working full time in law in Sydney CBD. I’ve known my whole life that I was here to help people, but I just didn’t know exactly how. So when I found Kylie, it just was really fitting that it was going to help me ground my magic. I started the coach training and had an amazing time. It was beautiful to go through the process of having a mentor that had that spiritual element and that holistic element, as well as the very grounded science-based knowledge as well. So that really helped me to conjure that for myself.
I started my business before I even finished the course. I just started putting myself out there. And now I’ve gotten it to a point where I’ve got really grounded solid message, and two years later am running a multi-6 figure coaching business as a leading pioneer in my niche, helping clients all over the world.”
“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
Before attaining my NLP Coach certification, I was an online trainer who was getting excellent results for “some” of my clients. I used a mixture of experience, intuition and an exhausting “helicopter-parent” style of accountability coaching. It was like the 20% of the clients who weren’t getting good results took up 80% of my effort, and it was draining my passion for my business. Completing my Certification with Kylie has been the best decision of my career. The very next month after finishing I created a new program and made $30,000 in new sales. I now have a repeatable system to coach my clients and I can get them both immediate AND long-lasting change, sometimes in less than 40 minutes. In the past 12 months, I have doubled my freedom and fulfilment in my business I have created raving clients who snap up my offers.”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.