Human beings are pretty simple, when it comes to motivation, we are naturally compelled to move towards pleasure and away from pain. When you think about it you might also notice that the pain or pleasure can come from inside us or outside of us. The really interesting thing is that there is always a balance of pain to pleasure from the inside & outside. Huh? Your body is designed to maintain equilibruim, to keep you safe, to survive at all costs. To help maintain this balance you are wired to balance internal pain with external pleasure, and vice versa. There is always a counterbalance of the opposite side. What does this mean? It means when you feel bad inside your brain is wired to reach for some kind of comfort from outside of yourself.
Maybe you have a bad day at work and you come home and pour yourself a nice big glass of red. You breakup with your boyfriend and bury your feelings at the bottom of the ice-cream container. Or you have an energy slump at 3pm and reach for a coffee or the vending machine candy. Pain on the inside = reach for comfort on the outside. (I can hear you now, “so that’s why I do it!”)
Emotional eating and quick fix crash diets are on the instant gratification side of internal pain and external pleasure. Slimming, weight loss and long term health is external pain and internal pleasure.
With emotional eating, the internal, emotional pain: boredom, loneliness, sadness, guilt, frustration, low self-esteem, etc drives the mind to look for instant pleasure, (external pleasure) as a pick-me-up, and you get cravings for comfort foods to get that immediate pleasure and satisfaction. (They’re not called comfort foods for nothing!) This is to distract your mind from the pain inside, it is a survival mechanism, to get you through emotionally tough times. However, as you already know, that comfort is only ever short lived, and afterwards you may feel guilty about eating that food, which makes you feel worse, so then you eat more and feel worse and eat more spiralling downwards emotionally and getting fatter.
The only way to overcome this instant gratification cycle is to switch sides to the External Pain / Internal Pleasure side. The external pain of saying ‘no’ to comfort foods, exercising and limiting portion sizes comes with the internal pleasure of happiness, self-confidence, positive feelings and increased physical health.
There are two ways to switch sides and overcome emotional eating, you can either just get started exercising and eating the right foods OR you can begin to internally clear out the emotional pain, self-sabotage and self-hate, forgive yourself for your past choices and focus on being kind to yourself starting right now. Emotional eating is a survival mechanism to help you to avoid your difficult emotions, because they are uncomfortable. The quickest way to overcome the emotional eating/ drinking is to face the emotion. Feel it. Allow it to course through your body. Acknowledge whatever you’re feeling without judgement. Ignoring or judging yourself for what you feel does not work. Allow it to come, and it will storm through you and you’ll come out the other side, much, much faster than if you suppress it.
Sometimes people will just work on doing the exercise, and healthy eating with willpower all the while feeling deprived or using exercise and dieting as a punishment for their past behaviour. This is pain on the inside and pain on the outside, there is no balance, no pleasure, so if you are doing this, or have done it in the past, you know it is not sustainable in the long term. They have not worked on changing their mindset (releasing the inner pain) and will often find that their motivation is short lived and they go back to their old ways. This is because the inner pain is still there desperate for some comfort and pleasure, sabotaging you.
If a change is going to last then you must focus on the internal pleasure and satisfaction that exercise and healthy eating gives you. Start small, go for a walk in the fresh air, notice how good you feel while you do it, take it at your own pace and be grateful for your body. As you focus more on these positive feelings and thoughts, and forgive yourself for the past, or for any slip ups, it will reinforce the internal pleasure and eventually this will overcome any old negative feelings towards exercise and healthy foods and (Gasp!) you might even find that you really enjoy it!
After only a short period of time doing positive things for your body and being kind to yourself in your mind you will begin to feel the internal effects; health, happiness, satisfaction, and these internal positive feeling will compel you to continue to exercise and eat right.
I would strongly suggest getting professional help from an NLP coach or personal trainer as you embark on switching sides. You may need support and guidance to stay on track, until you thoroughly learn these new habits of being.
When you completely focus on the Internal Pleasure of doing the right thing by your body and nourishing it with healthy foods, exercise and positive thoughts you will feel amazing and have loads of energy to overcome any obstacle. This comes from confidence and loving yourself and helps to build high-self esteem, a healthy body and happiness.
So if you feel yourself looking for some external pleasure, know that the comfort is short lived, allow yourself to feel the discomfort of whatever you’re feeling and allow that discomfort to give you the insight and energy to change.
My specialty is helping people easily release the internal pain through advanced coaching & NLP techniques, when the inner pain is gone you become naturally compelled to do the right thing by your body and get slim as a result. Skip the quick fixes and get straight to fixing the core of the problem. If you’re interested in my phone or online coaching programs contact me on Kylie@MyMindCoach.com.au or sign up to my newsletter on the right for special offers and weekly articles.
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
“I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for my gym clients at both Vision Personal Training & now at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery as fitness leaders. At my recent Fitness Business event, my gym owner colleagues were blown away by her talk, saying she is the best speaker they have ever seen. After every event we always get rave reviews about her talks and training. I highly recommend Kylie’s work as a coach & speaker.”
“I finished the Spiritual Awakening Course yesterday and I found it truly amazing. An incredible next step after our coach training. I feel so much more enlightened and “opened-up”. It has really opened my eyes to the power of the universe and the energy flowing in each of us. I loved it – thank you.
I am feeling so lucky at the moment. So many things are just falling into my lap. I visualise it and set my intention to manifest it and it comes. Things such as getting more clients, needing help to put my business online, not knowing how to get known in my local community etc. Courses / insights / clients have just fallen into my lap at the right time.”
Of course I am still learning and growing, but the course has really helped. Thank you”
“Before I met Kylie I was feeling very lost working full time in law in Sydney CBD. I’ve known my whole life that I was here to help people, but I just didn’t know exactly how. So when I found Kylie, it just was really fitting that it was going to help me ground my magic. I started the coach training and had an amazing time. It was beautiful to go through the process of having a mentor that had that spiritual element and that holistic element, as well as the very grounded science-based knowledge as well. So that really helped me to conjure that for myself.
I started my business before I even finished the course. I just started putting myself out there. And now I’ve gotten it to a point where I’ve got really grounded solid message, and two years later am running a multi-6 figure coaching business as a leading pioneer in my niche, helping clients all over the world.”
“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
Before attaining my NLP Coach certification, I was an online trainer who was getting excellent results for “some” of my clients. I used a mixture of experience, intuition and an exhausting “helicopter-parent” style of accountability coaching. It was like the 20% of the clients who weren’t getting good results took up 80% of my effort, and it was draining my passion for my business. Completing my Certification with Kylie has been the best decision of my career. The very next month after finishing I created a new program and made $30,000 in new sales. I now have a repeatable system to coach my clients and I can get them both immediate AND long-lasting change, sometimes in less than 40 minutes. In the past 12 months, I have doubled my freedom and fulfilment in my business I have created raving clients who snap up my offers.”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.