Paula Week 3: Taking my mask off

Paula Week 3: Taking my mask off

I have many masks in life; my Personal Trainer mask, my Musician mask & my IT mask but there is also a dirty little secret mask that I am very ashamed of – It is a mask that allows me to hide myself away from the world, burying my emotions and self loathing with a blanket of comfort food.

During last Thursday nights webinar with Kylie I was made to confront this mask. Made to let it have a voice and say exactly what it was doing for me (or not doing as the case may be) and made me realise that this mask, however much damage I see it as having created, is part of me and instead of suppressing it I need to work with it to my advantage.

This was a very emotional confrontation for me- almost like saying goodbye, as this mask has been with me for so many years and at the end of the day has just been trying to protect me.

 

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The first stage of reforming this mask is very simple, yet, at the same time, is a very scary thing for me to confront.

 

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When I first became a personal trainer it was a very symbolic moment when I got my first shirt that said ‘personal trainer’. It had been such a difficult road to earning it I even took a picture of it and had it as the background on my phone for a while. Once I started to move further and further away from the person I wanted to be I could no longer wear that shirt. Not physically of course (apart from it becoming tighter) but more pshychologically . I couldn’t wear that shirt outside of the gym anymore – embarrassed to be seen as a ‘fat trainer’ and even worse in my mind – feeling like a fraud.

So, in confronting this head on, I am going to wear my PT shirt outside of the gym for the first time in more than 6 months (I say going to as this is happening for the first time tonight). I shan’t be alone in this endeavour as I will have P!nk to accompany me – telling me not to start a fight!

Wish me luck.

In other news I just wanted to touch on my goals that I had to work very hard on setting last week and have decided to enter my first beginners CrossFit competition on the 16th February 2014. This encompasses so many things that I want to achieve and when I put myself in that moment it is something that really draws me in. It is already helping me in making better choices everyday so in my book that is winning.

Only three weeks into the Goddess Body Transformation and I already feel like a different person – and a person that is not afraid to take off my masks anymore.

x Paula

 

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