I have many masks in life; my Personal Trainer mask, my Musician mask & my IT mask but there is also a dirty little secret mask that I am very ashamed of – It is a mask that allows me to hide myself away from the world, burying my emotions and self loathing with a blanket of comfort food.
During last Thursday nights webinar with Kylie I was made to confront this mask. Made to let it have a voice and say exactly what it was doing for me (or not doing as the case may be) and made me realise that this mask, however much damage I see it as having created, is part of me and instead of suppressing it I need to work with it to my advantage.
This was a very emotional confrontation for me- almost like saying goodbye, as this mask has been with me for so many years and at the end of the day has just been trying to protect me.
The first stage of reforming this mask is very simple, yet, at the same time, is a very scary thing for me to confront.
When I first became a personal trainer it was a very symbolic moment when I got my first shirt that said ‘personal trainer’. It had been such a difficult road to earning it I even took a picture of it and had it as the background on my phone for a while. Once I started to move further and further away from the person I wanted to be I could no longer wear that shirt. Not physically of course (apart from it becoming tighter) but more pshychologically . I couldn’t wear that shirt outside of the gym anymore – embarrassed to be seen as a ‘fat trainer’ and even worse in my mind – feeling like a fraud.
So, in confronting this head on, I am going to wear my PT shirt outside of the gym for the first time in more than 6 months (I say going to as this is happening for the first time tonight). I shan’t be alone in this endeavour as I will have P!nk to accompany me – telling me not to start a fight!
Wish me luck.
In other news I just wanted to touch on my goals that I had to work very hard on setting last week and have decided to enter my first beginners CrossFit competition on the 16th February 2014. This encompasses so many things that I want to achieve and when I put myself in that moment it is something that really draws me in. It is already helping me in making better choices everyday so in my book that is winning.
Only three weeks into the Goddess Body Transformation and I already feel like a different person – and a person that is not afraid to take off my masks anymore.
I’ve passed the big 4-0! I’ve now ‘released’ 48kgs, since the birth of my son 2 years ago. To Kylie, Selina and all my GBQ sisters, you helped me to get out of my own way, so I could coach my inner critic and encourage my cheerleader. I am getting my pre-babies mojo back and am in a better headspace than when I was fighting fit! I feel like GBQ really delivered on the greatest gift, self-love and clarity, and has given me the confidence and conviction to continue my journey! Thank you.
With Kylie’s help I released the hopelessness & anger I was using as an excuse, and have stepped out of my shell with a vengeance! I’m now clear on what I want to do with my life and I’m taking steps towards making it a reality, and in doing so my entire eating habits have changed… the ‘hunger subsided’ & I’ve stuck to my better eating habits and gym workouts easily. It’s been amazing!
Working with Kylie has been life changing. Kylie helped me get back in touch with my own body, taught me how to nourish myself and get my glowing, gorgeous body. She helped me move from self-loathing to self-love. She taught me how to consciously turn down the critical voice and turn up my inner cheerleader. Without a doubt starting with your mindset is the first place to start on your weight loss journey. Lasting results for sure and totally life changing!
What I have gotten out of the course can’t be measured. I glow from the inside out! For the first time in years; I am happy because I am happy! I love myself – I can actually look in a mirror with no self loathing… I love the woman smiling back at me and not just because my body has changed on the outside – I have changed from the inside and it is a reflection!
Everything has really changed, I finally let the girl inside out. I feel like my life has really just started. I’ve had a massive increase in personal power (from zero), sense of possibility, happiness, resilience, CONFIDENCE! Reached my first weight loss goal, I have gone from a size 12 to an 8-10. I love myself and respect myself for the first time, I cannot express how much this has changed me. Thank you does not even cut it.
I have been struggling with my weight and feeling of not being good enough for as long as I can remember…This has changed for me now. I have had more awakenings and realisations and learnings than I thought possible in the past few months. This really is SOOOOO not about the weight. I TOTALLY get that now.
I have loads more energy… I’m eating so well and exercising when I can. With my 1st baby I couldn’t cope with the emotional roller-coaster that is pregnancy. I ate, and ate, and ate non-stop. My head is in such a great place at the moment. I owe it all to Kylie and your Goddess Body Quest program x