Constantly being put upon or find yourself martyring yourself, going about doing other people’s jobs, and you don’t even get any “thanks” or any compensation for all of the extra effort and energy that you put into other people’s stuff? If you ever get worn out and feel like you’re constantly bitching or whining or being a martyr, or even being victimized by other people, then you need to listen up.
The first one is the victim. The victim is constantly being put upon by the world and by everybody else. They’re always the victim, something’s being taken from them or they’re always having their boundaries crossed. Everything “happens to” the victim. And, of course, this isn’t a very fun place to be. The second part of the drama cycle is the rescuer, the one that comes in to rescue the victim and be the knight in shining armor and help everyone out. And the third part is the aggressor, the one that takes from the victim and is the bully or the mean person.
Now, if you play out drama in your life, then you will identify with one or maybe more of these different archetypes or roles that you can play in drama. But the truth is, once you’re inside the drama triangle, then you play all of these roles. If you’re the victim, you’re also the rescuer and you’re also the aggressor. Some people used to go to the aggressor role by being passive-aggressive and going “No, I’m fine” or shutting down and blocking people out. So maybe it’s not like you’re yelling and screaming or asking people to do things or bullying, but you could be being passive-aggressive.
Everybody does it. It’s not something to be ashamed of, because it’s a part of our human psyche. So if you think back to a Shakespearean play or something, it’s like you’ve been dropped into a character in a Shakespearean play, and, suddenly, your mindset is inside that character’s mindset. The victim is powerless. The rescuer feels obliged. The bully or the aggressor feels like no one else can do things right and they have to tell them what to do. When you’re playing these roles, then the drama just escalates. And you’ll know that there are family members that you end up playing out the drama with a lot of the time, or maybe even at work, or with your friends. There might be the drama triangle that plays out in various areas of your life. If you ever gossip or love talking about people, then that is total drama.
If you find yourself getting worn out of the drama and you want to escape from the drama – because drama doesn’t help you get to where you want to go – the best way to escape it is the simplest, in fact, and it’s just to notice that you are in the drama. Noticing that you’re in the drama allows you to step out of it. The minute that you become aware of it and mindfully present of what you’re doing, then it’s like you jump out of that role and become an observer of yourself inside that role.
So, I would challenge you to do some self-reflection on when you’re playing inside the drama, and take the challenge of observing yourself when you’re being the victim, when you’re being the rescuer, when you’re being the aggressor. And I guarantee that the minute that you observe yourself being that way, then you regain your power to choose to act in a different way, and you can escape the drama and leave it behind you and get on with your life, focus on your values, focus on your mission, focus on your purpose. Because drama only just eats up your mental and emotional energy and keeps you stuck inside powerlessness. No matter what role you’re playing, all of those roles inside the drama are powerless, so take back your power, go after your goals, and step outside the drama.
Hope you enjoyed that one. Let me know what your drama stories are and how you’ve managed it to escape it by observing yourself in those roles. Cheers, ladies!
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I started my business before I even finished the course. I just started putting myself out there. And now I’ve gotten it to a point where I’ve got really grounded solid message, and two years later am running a multi-6 figure coaching business as a leading pioneer in my niche, helping clients all over the world.”
“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
Before attaining my NLP Coach certification, I was an online trainer who was getting excellent results for “some” of my clients. I used a mixture of experience, intuition and an exhausting “helicopter-parent” style of accountability coaching. It was like the 20% of the clients who weren’t getting good results took up 80% of my effort, and it was draining my passion for my business. Completing my Certification with Kylie has been the best decision of my career. The very next month after finishing I created a new program and made $30,000 in new sales. I now have a repeatable system to coach my clients and I can get them both immediate AND long-lasting change, sometimes in less than 40 minutes. In the past 12 months, I have doubled my freedom and fulfilment in my business I have created raving clients who snap up my offers.”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.