You know the saying, ‘if it’s to be it’s up to me’. Or how about ‘as within, so without’? Both of these common statements talk about self-reflection and the prime importance our inner ‘beingness’ has on outer success. Now, if only we could see ourselves a little better.
Philosophers have long defined self-reflection as the human capacity to exercise introspection and learn about our fundamental nature, purpose and essence. It means looking clearly and honestly at yourself and taking responsibility for your actions, words and deeds. It seems like a simple enough concept.
Yet we know that more often than not, such inward-looking can be challenging. While it should be easy enough to assess our own actions, many women go through life without a deeper grasp on how their behaviour can impact the world – and the people – around them.
None of us are strangers at finding fault, but more often than not, we are more likely to lay the blame with others. And this is exactly what has to stop. Psychological projection (or blame shifting) is where humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, yet attributing the faults to others. So a person who is rude may constantly accuse others of being rude instead. Do you know any people like that?
While it can seem insane that people do this, it’s likely that you do too! Few of us are truly aware of the full impact of our actions unless we take a deeper analysis – and that’s why self reflection can be so hard. It takes courage to looking in the mirror and realise that we too may hold in us the very weakness that we’re so quick to scold in others.
Before you start, please don’t confuse self-reflection and self-criticism. Self reflection is detached and objective, acknowledging an inner quality or behaviour that is blocking a desired outcome. There is no judgement, self-scolding or abomination. Rather, you are an anthropologist, admitting to a weakness, gap or mistake – and taking positive action to change it. It’s vital to acknowledge not only what you did, but also how you felt and what you’ve learnt from the experience to inform your future behaviour!
So instead of blaming, making excuses or complaining, you bring the power back to yourself by exploring your own emotions and consequent contribution to the outcomes first. Such admission is a wonderful thing and life starts to take on a more magic quality when you move from “they” thinking to an “I” mentality.
To begin a healthy process of self-reflection, ask yourself honestly – what drama, conflict or lack am I experiencing in my life? And how am I at the cause? Is there someone you don’t like? Now enquire, how are you like that too? How are you contributing to any discord between your dynamic? Any time you are in a conflict or a tough spot, what is this teaching you? What can you do differently to help this situation?
These are all healthy questions to adequately address a situation and start being the most whole and happy woman you can be. It’s easy to blame another and often it feels like the other person really isn’t stepping up to their end of the bargain. However, if you always look within, you will discover a situation that can vastly empowers you…. but only if you’re willing to let it.
Alina Berdichevsky is a personal branding coach and regular contributor to the Open Colleges Careers blog. When she’s not writing about leadership, communication and success, she loves reading about inspiring women in history, working on her soufflé and of course – perfecting an inner zen.
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“Before I met Kylie I was feeling very lost working full time in law in Sydney CBD. I’ve known my whole life that I was here to help people, but I just didn’t know exactly how. So when I found Kylie, it just was really fitting that it was going to help me ground my magic. I started the coach training and had an amazing time. It was beautiful to go through the process of having a mentor that had that spiritual element and that holistic element, as well as the very grounded science-based knowledge as well. So that really helped me to conjure that for myself.
I started my business before I even finished the course. I just started putting myself out there. And now I’ve gotten it to a point where I’ve got really grounded solid message, and two years later am running a multi-6 figure coaching business as a leading pioneer in my niche, helping clients all over the world.”
“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
Before attaining my NLP Coach certification, I was an online trainer who was getting excellent results for “some” of my clients. I used a mixture of experience, intuition and an exhausting “helicopter-parent” style of accountability coaching. It was like the 20% of the clients who weren’t getting good results took up 80% of my effort, and it was draining my passion for my business. Completing my Certification with Kylie has been the best decision of my career. The very next month after finishing I created a new program and made $30,000 in new sales. I now have a repeatable system to coach my clients and I can get them both immediate AND long-lasting change, sometimes in less than 40 minutes. In the past 12 months, I have doubled my freedom and fulfilment in my business I have created raving clients who snap up my offers.”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.