Sex on the first date?

Are girls having sex too soon when dating? You might have heard or seen that many girls are having sex younger and younger, and quite a lot of those experiences are flings or one night stands. Now I don’t have a problem with a self confident young woman having mutually consensual sex, however I think that sex too soon or for the wrong reasons can undermine self-esteem and it needs to be discussed openly with Gen Y girls and women.

There is a lot of anecdotal evidence, and a few scientific studies that show that adult women tend to be dissatisfied after first night sex and regretted it. 58% of women surveyed said that they would not do it again. Men were generally happy with the sex, 80% were anyway, but said that they would lose some respect for the woman and might wonder if she would do this with anyone.

So why are girls doing this? There is some scientific research saying that women are more likely to have one night stands during the ovulation phase of their cycle. Those damn hormones!

Some girls sleep with the guy because they feel like they were flirting and don’t want to be seen as a tease, or they just can’t say no. Saying no is ok. You have permission to decide who does and does not enter your personal space. Flirting does not mean that you are promising to have sex. It means you are flirting. Some men will push for sex if they think they can get it. These are not the sort of men you want to have in your life anyway. If he’s pushing and you’re on the first or second date. Say no and get out of there!

Some girls confuse sex with intimacy, caring or love; and are then shocked and disheartened to find that in some cases the guy does not seem so interested in them after sex as before. Not all guys are like this, but young guys do have crazy hormones and don’t think so straight sometimes, and many will push for sex if they think they can get it.

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You are the creator of your own boundaries, if you are not sure of them, then you will get tested and pushed. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to say now when a part of you wants to and another part is uncomfortable.

When you first meet someone you set the standards for how they treat you. If you don’t treat yourself with respect, the other person won’t either. So set the standard high and don’t give in to those lusty hormones. Get to know the person and find out if you want to be intimate with them. When you do this then you create a stage of self-respect and honesty. I would even say up front that you are not going to sleep with them for the first month (minimum if you want a long-term relationship) so that they know where they stand.

Your sexuality is a gift and should not be sold cheaply. When you do wait and meet a man or a woman who respects you and treats you with gentleness and care, and you have known them for long enough to feel like you are ready, then go right ahead and enjoy sex.