Hi friends! Bianca Aiono here. I’m in charge of business and performance at My Mind Coach.
I love working with high-performing women who have a big dream and a big mission in the world to make a bigger impact. And I don’t want it to come at the sacrifice of their health and their family. I want them to have the presence and master the presence that allows them to enjoy the incredible life that they’ve been building.
I wanted to share with you a little bit of a dirty secret of high performers that maybe you don’t know about.
One of these ideas is that being driven is a compliment. But that actually isn’t the case. Actually, there’s a little bit of a shadow self behind every high performer, high achiever out there. To demonstrate that, I want to give you a little bit of a dirty insight into my own sordid past.
When I was at high school, I was determined and wanted to become athlete of the year for my final year of U12. I wanted to totally overshoot and accomplish that by being the first girl from my school to win javelin, shot put, and discus. The thing about shot put, it’s all about power, it’s all about grunt. The thing about javelin, it’s a little bit more finesse, but it’s really about power and really just grind. It’s sprint with all your might, land, and then pivot and twist. But discus, discus is a real finesse. There’s a real art to it.
One of the things that I never truly mastered was when you hold the discus and you just let it effortlessly flow out the back of your hand. If you could do that right, it actually gets itself on a momentum that takes a life of its own and adds an extra 5 centimeters onto your performance.
And I tell you, no matter how hard I tried or focused or concentrated, I could never keep my hand level and just accept and allow it to come out the back of my hand. It’s enough to make the discus fly, and then it wobbles…. and wobbles… and you lose your 3-5 meters.
It came on to the day, I won the javelin. Broke a record. I won the shot put. Broke the school record. And when it came to discus, I came third.
Now I still won the athlete of the year award, but do you think I was happy with it?
Really, what I didn’t realize was the same acceptance I was striving for from winning the three events, because I was being so driven towards it, I was also repelling myself away from it. And the very thing that would allow me to accept myself and accept my performance would be the very thing that would allow the discus, the trust and the positive expectation just to effortlessly come out the back of my hand. Touché, right?
But that really is a great example of how so many high-achieving, driven women go about their lives. It’s kind of like this bulldozer — they kind of shot put and they muscle it. They spend all this time doing mental acrobatics and juggling. And, really, if you just stop being so driven towards those results and wanting it and being so hungry for it, you’d actually be able to attract them and welcome them into your life far more easily with much more effectiveness and nowhere near the amount of damage and recklessness to the rest of your life.
This is what I’d encourage you to apply into your life…
Where are you spending the majority of your headspace? Is it about this real push forward and this drive, hence, accentuating the fact that you don’t already have it? Or are you spending time living in the memory of you future self?
Imagine if I had already known that I was already going to get that record, I was already going to have an amazing performance. Imagine how valuable that would be for you if you could already cement yourself into the positive expectation of your future self that have already achieved it all.
When you feel like you have to muscle and drive something, it’s only actually through the resistance, the things that are keeping you stuck where you are at. And you can’t muscle through that. You’ll only extrapolate that down the track.
I can’t wait to see what can happen for you when you just have these subtle tweaks and start thinking about that feminine presence, that power of divine creation you already have access to when you stop focusing on the resistance, the distance, the absence of what it is that you want, and you already live in that space of positive expectation and in the memory of your future self.