Some good things to believe about people
These are some of the NLP Presuppositions, they are taught to anyone who becomes an NLP coach. It makes coaching people easier because it allows us to have true compassion and care for others even when their behaviour hasn’t been so great. I have found that believing this about people in general has made me more considerate and helpful. If you like these ideas, I would encourage you to take them into your heart and mind too. I have written them here as affirmations.
I respect other people’s models of the world.
Everyone has their own ideas, beliefs and history. You don’t know their life, so just respect that that’s what they think, even if you don’t agree.
I evaluate all behaviour and change in the context of ecology.
Change is constant in our lives and in the world, at every change consider how it now impacts the ecology of your life, your society, your country, the world. Sometimes things that are challenging for you are good for society or the earth.
I understand that resistance in another person is a sign that there is a lack of rapport.
Rapport is that friendly warm feeling you get when you like someone, and they like you. You can learn how to be able to get into rapport with anyone. (I will put some of the key points up in a future blog.) Communication is easier when you are in rapport, because the other person listens and cares about what you are saying.
People are not their behaviours. I am more than my behaviours.
Regular people can commit terrible acts under certain circumstances, do not judge people based on their behaviours. Everyone deserves love and compassion. You are much more than all of the things that you do.
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Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available.
This one is great because it allows forgiveness. If everyone is making the best choice possible based on the resources they have, and every behaviour has some kind of positive intent behind it then it is easier to accept the person and teach a new behaviour.
The map is not the territory. I know the difference between reality and my representation of it. I am in control of my map of the world.
The way we code the world in our minds is not the world. It is just our representation of it. If something isn’t working maybe we need to check if we have the right map.
I am in charge of my mind and my results
Who thinks your thoughts? You do. You are in charge of your mind.
I believe people have all the resources they need to succeed. I trust in their ability to find those resources.
This idea allows you to trust in others and give them the chance to grow and become who they want to be. It is amazing how much someone can grow if someone else simply believes that they can.
There is no failure, only feedback
If it didn’t work, it’s just feedback that it didn’t work. Do something else.
The meaning of communication is the response you get.
Que? If someone doesn’t understand you, it is your job you communicate in a way they can understand. Rephrase, restate.
The law of requisite variety. I allow myself the possibility of a full range of behaviour.
This means that the person with the most flexibility of behaviour in any given system will control that system.
(**I have left out a couple that have to do more specifically with the coaching process, for more info read “Introducing NLP” by Joseph O’Connor)
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