Here is the video and complete transcription of a recent interview I did with Vesna Hrsto, Naturopath and Holistic Life Coach , who recently held a summit called the Woman Reinvention Project. I was a guest expert and Ves and I discussed how to step into your POWER as a woman, and the difference between masculine power and feminine power. Definitely worth a watch, listen or a read.
Vesna: Welcome, everyone, to The Woman Reinvention Project. My name is Verna Hrsto, and today we’re speaking to the lovely Kylie Ryan. Kylie is a transformational coach, a neuro-linguistic programming master trainer. She’s the founder of My Mind Coach and Goddess Body Quest community, and she’s a professional singer, a busy mom of two, and a happy wife. Wow! That’s a mouthful. Welcome! And you look glowing, relaxed, happy, and beautiful, so we want to know your secrets.
Let me ask you the first question. Obviously, it’s a busy life. You run a busy business, a busy online community, you’re a mom of two, a home, a family… What makes your life work? What things do you need to keep your balance and to maintain a sense of self?
I think it’s important not to take any one part of life too seriously, including yourself.
That helps to kind of lighten everything up.
Kylie: In order to keep that sense of self and maintain balance, I think it’s important not to take any one part of life too seriously, including yourself. That helps to kind of lighten everything up. And it’s interesting… Since I’ve had kids, I’ve realized that what really blows us out and makes us stressed is time pressure. So, when we feel like we’re running of time for a particular thing, whether it’d be like, “Let’s get out the door, we’ve got to get to school” or “Oh my god, I can’t get this project finished” or “I’m not going to look the way that I want to look for this particular event that’s coming up,” that feeling of time pressure is what blows us out of the water and stresses us out and stops us from being in our best self.
I think the key thing is being present to the moment that you’re in, and surprisingly well. So what would be my key thing? Using my breath to come back into the present moment. That would be the key thing that keeps me on top of it all. It’s like I can’t do all of it all at once, but I can be present with what I’m doing right now and be efficient and effective at what I’m doing right now. That increases your effectiveness and then reduces stress and all sorts of other things as well, so it’s got a positive compounding effect.
Vesna: Awesome! So, presence and breathing exercises. Love it!
Kylie: Yeah, simple.
Vesna: It should be simple, right? We’ve got enough on our plate.
Kylie: Here I am, right here, talking to you. This is it. This is the moment.
Vesna: Today we’re really going to talk about women stepping into their power. This is the topic I’m really excited to talk about and to hear more about. But before we get into it, let’s do a little bit of backstory of how you got started into the transformational space and the coaching and your communities. What brought you into this work?
Kylie: What brought me in? It was my own journey of struggle and pain and so many things that were going on in my life. It seems so long ago now. It’s almost like a different person when I think about it. So, yeah, 11 years ago, I was 30 kilos overweight, I was in debt, I was struggling with finding a relationship, having a bunch of sleazy one night type of situations, and just generally hating on myself. Drinking, taking drugs, partying – all of that kind of stuff. Desperately wanting to be a professional singer but waiting to be discovered and thinking that I was too fat to do it anyway. So, I was generally really down on myself.
It was interesting. Just through a friend of a friend, I got involved and had some sessions in NLP, neuro-linguistic programming. That’s a type of alternative psychology and coaching method. And it transformed my life. That’s the kind of cliché thing to say, but literally, after those first few sessions… You know when they do that technique like in a black and white movie where it’s black and white, and suddenly it goes to color and you’re like, “Wow, that’s amazing!”? This was kind of like what my life was like. It was like living in black and white.
And then after these negative things that I was thinking were taken away, were kind of removed from my thinking, it was literally like my life went into color, and opportunities that I had never noticed before suddenly became really enticing and luck started to appear for me. It was like magic, all these opportunities that I had never noticed before. And, yeah, over the course of that year after those first sessions, I lost 30 kilos, I met a man and I…
Vesna: And you mastered it so quickly too, didn’t you?
Kylie: Yeah, I shed 20…
Vesna: *snaps finger* “I’d just lost 30 kilos.”
Kylie: Just like that, yeah. Shed 20 kilos in three months and 30 over the course of the year. So, 20, I was like, “I’m focused. I’m doing this. Right, let’s do this.” So, yeah, 30 over the course of the year and it’s never come back even through my… Obviously I’ve put on weight from my pregnancies, but just baby basically. So, yes, I lost the weight, found the man of my dreams, started a band, singing professionally, stopped partying and taking drugs, started my NLP certification and became a professional coach and kind of started my little coaching business then. And yeah, that was it. A huge year of growth. It was like one thing, one thing, like just building on each other and just had this kind of exponential growth type of effect. It was amazing!
Vesna: Yeah, that’s just like a really powerful transformation, like just kind of “Let’s just jam-pack a transformation into one year. And this is your life.”
Kylie: Yeah. “This is your life.” It was like I got shot out of a rocket in my head. People that had seen me the year before kind of didn’t recognize me and walked past me on the street and I’d be like, “Hello!” And they’re like, “Kylie! Oh, my god!”
Vesna: Wow, that’s amazing!
Kylie: Yeah. So that was pretty cool. It was really amazing and it just kind of spurred my excitement about the possibilities of NLP, because I was like, “Oh my god, this has changed my life so much. How amazing to share with others.” I became like this evangelist wanting to share the magic. It’s like I found the magic secret elixir of life. And so, it started me in this passionate journey of self-discovery and a kind of addiction to learning, a positive addiction of learning everything that I could about personal development and change and transformational tools. So, I’ve got a giant list of qualifications…
Vesna: I saw your bio and I was like, “I’m not going to get all of that in.” Like saying it to them. I’m not going to get to that.
Kylie: There’s a giant list. I pretty much have added one thing, some certification, some kind of private course or training in business, personal development, marketing, or direct transformation on an energetic, mental, and spiritual level every year for 11 years.
Vesna: Definite commitment there to transformation, which is awesome.
Kylie: Yeah, a lot of commitment. But every time I do one, I see a huge return on investment. There’s been a 10 times return on investment for every single course I’ve done, and so it’s just kind of continued to uplevel my life, which is awesome. And so, now I’ve got this kind of amazing business that I run part-time while I look after my two kids. I’ve got a beautiful husband that is incredible. I live in a beautiful area in Sydney. My life is really wonderful and I get to help people every day, which is amazing.
Vesna: That’s amazing. That’s an awesome story. I mean, that’s such the dream life, right? And it doesn’t mean that you’re not busy, but you have so many elements to your life that are so nourishing. It’s also busy but you’re keeping that balance. I love it. It is the dream life.
Vesna: Yes, it is.
Kylie: I’m very, very, very grateful, and I’ve also worked really hard for it. People would say, “Oh, you’ve got the dream life. Wow, you’re so lucky!” And I’m like, “Well, yes, I guess I am lucky, and I’ve spent 11 years of consistent effort to get to this point. So, when you spend 11 years of consistent effort on your personal development to uplevel your life, you’ll have your dream life too.”
Vesna: Yeah. When I look at women out there that are busy and successful and still maintain a strong core and sense of self, it’s no accident that their lives are like that. They created it that way, which means other people can create it that way too. We can all create it that way, but it does require attention and the creation process. So, yeah, you got to work at it. Absolutely.
Kylie: Yeah, you got to work at it. But it’s like the time’s going to pass anyway.
Vesna: I love thinking in that way, like, you’ll get to that age or 10 years will pass, you may as well do this stuff if it nourishes you, if it’s something that you love.
Kylie: Yeah, if you want to do it. And some people, they’re happy with their life and they don’t want to move forward. And that’s great too. That’s awesome. I think there’s always something that can be shifted, something that can be improved. So, yeah, I’m pretty committed to doing that and helping other women to do the same that they’re called to. I think everyone can live the life that they want.
Vesna: Yeah, I totally agree. So who do you help and what do you help them with?
Kylie: Perfect! I help women who are struggling with self-sabotage and doubts, who want to transform either their bodies or their minds, and ultimately their lives. I help with mindset, and a lot of women initially come to me for weight loss because they’re kind of drawn to my personal weight loss story. But what I really help them with is their mindset. And so, it’s shifting that mindset that changes everything, so it will change your body, it will change your finances, it will change your love life, it will change your business. Everything about your life can shift when you have a positive mindset that’s not beating up on yourself all the time.
Vesna: Just makes sense to start there, you know. Go to all the other areas and try to fix them without fixing the mindset, it just sounds like a long process, if at all, that it’s going to work. So, yeah.
Kylie: Yeah. It’s like mindset is the core. If you think about changing a tree, trying to deal with your money issues or your relationship issues or your business is like cutting at the leaves. It’s like trying to change the leaves. You’ve got to change it at the core, the roots of where things start. And the core of the tree is your consciousness, is who you are, your identity. And that’s where the work that I do comes in, helping women to find their identity and remove the obstacles that stop them from living the life that they want to live.
Vesna: Beautiful! Obviously, in your years of work with women on self-sabotage and empowering, you’ve seen how women really step into their power once they’ve released those limitations. So, what we’re really going to talk about, which I’m excited, is stepping into your power.
Firstly, what does a women who has stepped into her power look like? For you anyway. And I mean, it could be different… I don’t want to mean like it has to look like this, you know. What does it feel or look like for you?
Kylie: In my perception, a woman who has stepped into her power is radiant. She’s strong, she’s confident, she’s kind and compassionate, but not to the point where she sabotages her own needs and desires. She is thoughtful of her desires. She is able to create compassionate boundaries with people and be clear about maintain those boundaries when people try to tread on them. A woman who’s stepped into her power knows who she is and knows what she’s here to do and doesn’t apologize for it.
Vesna: Love that! It’s a powerful definition. Thank you. Okay. For the women listening, how can they start to step more into their power? What kinds of steps could they take or suggestions in order to help them to step into their power more?
Kylie: The first thing that stops people from stepping into their power is their own limiting self-talk. That’s what stops everyone from doing anything that they want to do in their lives. Regardless of what particular issue you’re struggling with, if you’re struggling with something, there is some limiting thinking and limiting frames of mind that are keeping you in a box, which shows up as that particular relationship issue, or that particular money issue, or that particular body issue, or that particular career issue that you can’t get past. It’s like you’ve got a glass ceiling that you’re pushing up against, but the glass ceiling is inside your own head.
So, initially, you need to spend some time in awareness. You can’t change anything that you’re not aware of, so you have to go through that process of discovering what it is that you want to shift. In order to step into your power, then… For starters, there’s a presumption or an assumption that you’re not in your power in some area of your life. Because there probably are areas where you are in your power and you’re like, “Yes, I’ve got this. Boom!” And there’s areas where you’re less in your power than you could be or you might want to be. So, you need to go through and kind of inventory your life, and the life wheel is a fantastic tool to do that. Maybe I’ll pop that into the free gift after this. – Get it here.
A life wheel tool would be a fantastic exercise to do to go around each area of your life and just mark where are you at compared to where you want to be, and look at the results that you are actually creating. And then those areas where you’re struggling, go, “Well, am I actually being empowered in this area of my life? Am I not getting results because I have chosen not to at this time or because I feel stuck?”
For instance, my hobbies at the moment are a bit low because I’m running a business, I’ve got two small children, and I want to spend some time with my husband. So, I’m not singing as much as I might have otherwise done in other areas of my life. But that’s okay because I’ve made a conscious decision to say, “This is not as important right now, and I’m going to focus my energy and the time that I have on these areas of my life. I’m going to move them forward.” So that’s a conscious decision. Whereas if I was struggling in a particular area and I wanted it to be better but I wasn’t getting those results, then you need to look at that self-talk and say, “Why is that happening? What do I believe about this? What do I believe about my ability in this area and the possibilities for me in this area that could be keeping me stuck, that could be a glass ceiling that could be stopping me from getting to where I want to go?”
Vesna: So, going through the life wheel and seeing what areas you don’t feel so powerful and then recognizing… Do you find people can recognize this self-talk through… Can they journal it? Can they kind of just do a mental dump, so to speak, and just write stuff down and see what comes through? Because I know it’s hard for me to see my limitations. You can see it in your life, right? You can see what you’re getting and not getting. Would you recommend writing or…?
Kylie: Absolutely! As a kind of do it yourself tool. The fastest way to do it is to talk to a coach. Without doubt, that’s the fastest way to do it. Because when you talk to a coach, a coach will be the mirror that holds up and goes, “Did you notice you just said that? Is that serving you, that thought?” Whereas when you’re doing it yourself, your limitations are unconscious. The reason that you’re struggling with them is because the limitations are unconscious. If you think about your mind as an iceberg, your conscious mind is just the bit at the top and the unconscious is all that bit underneath. And the limitations that you’re struggling with live in your unconscious. You are not aware of them, but they show up in your life as the problems that you’re struggling with.
Vesna: It freaks me out that there’s so much in that unconscious that we don’t have access to on a moment to moment basis.
Kylie: Well, that’s a good thing. You’d go crazy. If you were aware of all the things that your unconscious does for you, you’d be absolutely gobsmacked at all the things that it’s doing for you right now. Every second it does incredible things.
Vesna: I think the unconscious gets a bad rep.
Kylie: What do you mean?
Vesna: I don’t know. I think in the personal development. Maybe that’s just the way I’ve been seeing it, but it’s like all the limitations are in the unconscious.
Kylie: I’ve never thought about it like that because I don’t notice it, because I’m so grateful for my unconscious. I know all the amazing things that it does for me, so I focus on that. But it does also store the limitations. It’s running your body. It’s breathing for you. It’s beating you hard.
Vesna: That’s the amazing stuff, right? I think that the human body’s totally incredible. And every time I learn something new about the human body, I’m just like, “Wow, it’s just such an amazing machine or an amazing being that it does this without any kind of conscious awareness.”
Kylie: Exactly. And so, the limitations as well, that comes from a good place. It comes from wanting to keep you safe. When you’re struggling with something, your unconscious wants to keep you safe. And so, it’s trying to stop you from getting hurt by something you believe is going to hurt you. So you’ve created some kind of imaginary tiger around that particular issue. And that tiger might be, “When I get a promotion or when I hit six or seven figures in my business then XYZ is going to happen.” And so, as you get closer to that thing that you think you want or that you say you want, you’ve also got all these fears attached to it. And that’s what your unconscious creates that sabotage behavior for you for, that stops you and pulls you back out of your power and stops you from actually stepping into whatever it is that you say you want.
Vesna: Yes. I’m sure you’ve seen it over the years, but it’s frustrating for women because they’re trying to change just the behavior. That’s kind of like, I said that just as a symptom. Like trying to just address the symptoms is not ever going to get to the fundamental cause. And it’s super frustrating for women because they try and willpower and got the strategies in place, and it’s just not working because it hasn’t been looked at to the core.
Kylie: Exactly. When you’re trying to change on that behavior level without dealing with the unconscious, it will always be like pushing shit uphill. Because you are trying to move with your conscious mind, that kind of less than 10 percent of your brain power, you’re trying to move and go against that 90 percent of your unconscious. That’s why it’s so hard. And with willpower, you’ll never get there. Or you might get there for a couple of days or weeks, but you’ll always fall back, because your unconscious mind and your unconscious identity, the self-image that you have of yourself, sets the thermostat of your success. Your unconscious sets the thermostat of your success, so you’ve got to become aware of where your thermostat is set.
And so, like you said, journaling is a fantastic tool practically to start to uncover that yourself. You know, like, “What do I believe about this topic? What do I believe about being a successful executive or business owner? Or what do I believe about becoming a slim and healthy woman? Or what do I believe about marriage? What do I believe about having kids? What are all the positive things I believe? What are all the negative things I believe?” Like, there’s a lot of positive beliefs that you have as well, but all the negative beliefs that you have about those things that you say you want, that’s what’s holding you back.
Vesna: Yeah. It’s a really good distinction, you know, to highlight all these positive things, but it’s the negative ones that are kind of driving the behavior and pulling you back from what you want.
Kylie: Yeah, that stops you from actually stepping into that powerful position of having what you want. So many women, they either want a relationship or they want kids, but they’ve got that voice in their head – and I know because I had it – they’ve got that voice in their head that says, “If I have kids, I’ll lose my freedom” or “Life ends when you have kids” or “If I get married then I won’t have my fun and my freedom. I wouldn’t be able to do what I want to do.” Those kinds of thoughts are what stop you. Because your unconscious mind wants to keep you safe, it wants to keep you happy, and so if you believe that getting that thing is going to hold you back or constrain you in some way, it will stop you from achieving that thing.
And so, it stops you from stepping into your power, and it shows up as fears, and it shows up as self-sabotage that you might become all weird and clingy and needy when a guy gets too close or back away and be like, “Oh no, I don’t want anything to do with you. He’s too nice,” or something like that. You’re like, “Come on.” That’s a fear. That’s just a fear that’s showing up of like, “I don’t want to be vulnerable in a relationship. I got hurt last time.” And that’s a really totally normal protective mechanism. It’s totally normal. And if you do want to find a relationship, it’s stopping you from getting that. So that’s something that needs to be dealt with.
Vesna: Yeah, awesome. So, definitely, you can journal it or you can do the quick way which is with a coach.
Kylie: The quick way is with a coach.
Vesna: Let’s do the quick way.
Kylie: Yeah, the quick way is with a coach. Let’s be honest here. We’re all overachieving women, we want the quick way. The quick way is get a coach. The longer way is journaling, meditation, a kind of self-exploration, then things like do it yourself kind of processes like tapping or… What else are some of the do it yourself healing processes? Tapping is a great one. Meditation is great for healing, but it takes a hell of a long time to get through your emotional baggage just through meditation. Sorry, I love meditation.
Vesna: Me too. But I don’t think that’s the tool for transformation.
Kylie: It’s not really about transformation when you’re dealing with emotional baggage or particular limiting beliefs that’s stopping you from stepping into your power. So, yeah, awareness and then deal with it. If you find that challenging, limiting thinking coming up, you can just challenge in that moment like, “Oh, I’m not good enough.” Well, you kind of almost argue with yourself in the head like, “Well, who said I’m not good enough? Where did that come from? Is that even true?” So you challenge that thought and go, “This is just a thought. Well, what if I take it out of my head and look at it on my journaling notebook and say, ‘Wow, I’m thinking that I’m not good enough to do this thing.’ Is that true? Do I have evidence to show me that that is absolutely true?” Probably not. There might be some things. And then you can say, “Well, what if I believe the opposite? What evidence do I have to show me that the opposite is true that I am good enough, that I can have a successful happy marriage, that I can have a six-figure, seven-figure business?” and look at the evidence from both sides.
And then, that will start to shift and loosen up that grip on the problem. Because right now your unconscious mind has a grip on that problem. And so, you need to loosen up the grip of the problem with awareness, and then challenge it like, “Oh well, that may not be true.” You think that that’s true, but that might not actually be true. What if it wasn’t true? What if the opposite were true and you’ve been living your life under this lie?
Vesna: It’s so amazing when you think about it. Like a belief, like just a thought, like not even a physical tangible thing can totally shape your entire life. From relationships to money to business, whatever it is, a thought, a belief… It’s so incredible.
Kylie: It’s incredible! And the way that it does it is because your unconscious mind sets up a bunch of filters. Your beliefs become your filters that you perceive the world through. And so, if you’re perceiving the world through these filters that “I’m not good enough” or I won’t be safe in a marriage” or “I can’t earn more than this” or “No one will hire me”, then you’re going to be living from a disempowered position.
So, the key to shifting to an empowered position is dealing with your mental and emotional baggage. You’ve got to do it. Unfortunately, we all get programmed with negative baggage. Not meaning to, but our parents have baggage of their own, they’ve passed it on to us. And your teachers have baggage, they pass it on to you. You’ve just got to deal with your baggage. It’s a given.
Vesna: It’s a must do
Kylie: It’s a must do. If you really want to uplevel your life and step into your power, you’ve just got to deal with your baggage.
Vesna: And it’s doable, right? It’s totally doable. It’s not like something that’s too hard. You creating the life that you have and other women out there creating their dream life, they’ve done the same. So, it’s totally doable.
Kylie: That’s such an important point, Vesna. Because a lot of people that come to me might have tried with other methods, like with psychology or therapy and counselling, and those methods are really amazing for awareness. But when it comes to true transformation, I found that nothing works like NLP coaching and hypnotherapy work. It’s just unbelievable for fast, dramatic, profound change. If you want to get shot out of a rocket, then you need to shift at the core in a fast way. And so, that’s the fastest way that I found to shift. And I’ve done a lot of research in various methodologies.
Kinesiology is another great one that really helps. Tapping, again, can be really great. But you’ve got to find a really great practitioner that is experienced. So, you’ve got to deal with your baggage. And then, 2 once you do, you can totally shift. And it doesn’t mean you need to go for hours talking about your old story and your old issues. And it doesn’t need to take years. It can happen really quickly when you get that right leverage point. For a lot of people, that leverage point might be “I’m not good enough” and “I’m not worthy”. And then once that domino falls, it actually has a positive flow-on effect to all of these other things as well. So it doesn’t need to be…
Vesna: Yeah. So it’s not like moving a massive mountain. It could just take with tipping one domino.
Kylie: Yeah, all the way along. And so, that could make a huge, huge shift. And so, that’s one of the first steps to kind of stepping into your power, is removing the obstacles to you even seeing the power that you already have.
Vesna: Good point. That’s a really key point. You’ve got to see your obstacles or get someone to help you see your obstacles.
Kylie: Yeah. And then once you get those obstacles out of the way, you can start to see the incredible being that you are, because you are. Everyone listening, you’re an incredible, amazing, beyond magical being with incredible powers that you don’t even realize you have. And when you take off that limiting thinking, you can start to observe that power in yourself. And then, that again becomes like a positive snowball that the more power that you experience, the more you believe in yourself. And then the more you step into it more. And so, that becomes a positive snowball.
One point that just occurred to me about the difference between feminine power and masculine power is that masculine power is very active, like, “Do, do, do. Go, go, go.” It’s an externally-focused power.
Vesna: I’m used to that kind of power.
Kylie: Rawr! Like, “I’m a warrior. I’m going to go and hunt. I’m going to get things done.”
Vesna: “I’m going to do them. I’m going to do them.”
Kylie: And so, the power suits, the shoulder pads… “I’m going to get into the world and I’m going to take it. I’m going to have it.” That’s it. That’s a really masculine type of power. And it’s very interesting for women at the moment because there’s a huge resurgence across the globe of feminine power. And feminine power, you only need to look at a women in birth or have experienced birth to understand feminine power. You don’t need to have gone through birth in order to have feminine power. You have it now. But the incredible strength of the feminine is we can create life, but in order to create life…
Vesna: Such a miracle when I think of that, like, you can create life. It’s a miracle.
Kylie: We create life. Whether you choose to create life yourself or not, that’s fine. You still can. You can.
Vesna: Yeah, totally. Fully equipped.
Kylie: You’re equipped. So, that’s cool. And in order to create life, a woman needs to be receptive. When you’re thinking about creating a baby or creating a business or creating a personal transformation of any kind, there’s two elements that come together that creates that creation. There’s the masculine and the feminine and the void that kind of everything sits within. And so, the masculine is that active power. The feminine is the receptive power. And so, in order to create something, yes, you need to take action, and you need to be strong and go out and get things done, but you also need to step into your feminine power of receiving, of being able to allow things to come to you. So, a feminine power is magnetic. Masculine power is electric. It’s like, “Go out. Do, do, do.” Feminine power is magnetic. It’s pulling it in. Think about the moon pulls out the tides or a magnet pulls things to them. They don’t have to do anything. They just be in power and what they want comes to them.
Vesna: That sounds good. Obviously, for a lot of women today, it’s a lot of giving. It’s very nurturing, very caring, and very kind. It’s a lot of giving, meeting other people’s needs, then sacrificing your own. So, not receiving.
Kylie: Not receiving. And giving, while you might think that that’s a feminine trait because you’re being thoughtful and caring, giving is taking energy out of you and putting it outside. So, giving is actually a masculine trait.
Kylie: Receiving is a feminine trait.
Vesna: Well, I’ve never heard it like that. That’s amazing. That’s great.
Kylie: Listening is feminine. Speaking is masculine. Each woman and man both have a balance of masculine and feminine energy. We must. But women, I think, especially these days in our modern world, we can tend to fall more to the masculine because it’s kind of required and expected that we do, do, do and to-do lists and get things done and achieve, achieve, achieve. And there’s this presumption, this belief, this frame of mind, that I have to work hard in order to achieve what I want or I won’t deserve it. And you can work hard, and it’s not to say that you don’t need to take action. And you can also allow the things that you want to come to you at the same time.
Vesna: Yeah, such a nice balance.
Kylie: So there’s both happening. Like breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. That energetic flow has to go both ways. So, to truly step into your power as a woman, you need to allow yourself to receive as well as give and take action. You need to allow yourself to rest and self-care and do yoga and do meditation and just get a manicure or pedicure or get a massage or go on holidays and just chill out by a beach. You need to do all of those things just as much as ticking off the to-do lists. Just as much as prioritizing the meetings and the launches and the hardcore gym workouts. You need to do both.
Vesna: Yes, I love that. It’s interesting because it kind of leads me to the next question. What is the biggest obstacle you see women face we’re trying to change?
Kylie: The biggest obstacle that I see people facing is definitely that masculine-feminine balance.
Vesna: And receiving.
Kylie: Yeah, receiving, allowing themselves to receive. That’s probably the biggest one, in fact, allowing themselves to receive, allowing yourself to actually step into the place where you just stand and you let it come to you. You’re like, “Yup, I’m ready for this now. I’m ready for this to come to me,” and taking action but allowing yourself to fully receive it. So, that would probably be the biggest.
The second biggest would be the fear of backlash from culture, from the people around you. You only need to think about the popular girl at school and the kind of bitchy comments that happen in that teenage schoolyard, horrible environment. Like, that’s programmed into you. So, if you are the popular girl that’s standing up and being like, “I’ve got the perfect life [chatters].” Not that you would, but there’s that perception that “What if I have it all? I can’t have it all, then no one would like me. Or people will think I’m a bitch or people will think I’m arrogant.”
And this thing just recently in the media about Peta Credlin, the girl that was the Chief of Staff of Tony Abbott. Regardless of political leanings, you can’t deny that she was a strong, powerful, successful woman. Or Gail Kelly, an incredible successful, powerful woman with kids as well, huge corporate success. And people have opinions about those types of women. Or Beyonce. Massive, huge success in life. I love her quote when people called her bossy. She’s like, “I’m not bossy. I’m the boss.”
Vesna: Yeah, I love it.
Kylie: And there is a double standard that we’re living at the moment where if a man was to show you that type of behavior he would be called strong and authentic and powerful. But if a woman shows that same behavior, she could be called a bitch or arrogant or mean or something like that. And I think that we need to be aware that that double standard exists. And then, just like, “I don’t give a fuck. I don’t care.”
Vesna: Just move on. Just move on from there.
Kylie: “Call me whatever you want. I’m the boss.”
Vesna: Sometimes I take a lot of power in the collective because I think you aren’t the only woman that’s going to be criticized or judged, but you’d be the one taking the action. You’d be the one creating your life and stepping into your power. You certainly won’t be the last one to be criticized. People will criticize anyway. So I just think, “Who cares?”
Kylie: Who cares? Yeah. Just do whatever you want. You can’t live your life by other people’s standards and other people’s expectations. Because there’s always going to be someone judging, and people’s judgments are their perceptions and it’s their issue. What you see in others is only a reflection of yourself. So, if they’re busy judging you then that’s their issue and not yours. And if you’re busy judging other people, that’s your issue and not theirs.
Vesna: It’s a really good point to pull out actually is that those situations, they’re fairly neutral, like what you’re doing. That’s fairly neutral. But, really, the emotional charge to it is happening within each person’s head.
Kylie: It’s totally within your head. The actual environment and what’s happening is kind of… It could be this, it could be drinking a glass of water, it could be just talking over the phone or in person over a meeting table, but it’s all this emotional neurochemical stuff that’s going on because of the thoughts and the meanings and the frames of mind that each person is making those situations mean. “He looked at me funny, so that means he thinks that I’m a bitch or he thinks that I’m sleeping with the boss or he thinks that this or that.” And you’re going off with this tangent of thoughts in your head, making yourself all stressed out when it doesn’t need to be that way. Like, “Oh, he looked at me funny. Oh well, just move on.” So, there’s that. I think that that’s probably one of the core things that stops women stepping into their power. And yeah, it’s not really worth it. It’s not worth caring about.
Vesna: I mean, you can’t assess what’s going on in somebody’s head and know what you want to today. And everything that’s going on in your head is just your perception, is just your thoughts. I think it’s good to have that awareness that you can catch yourself at those moments and think, “If I’m over-assessing a situation or overanalyzing and thinking all of this stuff that’s going on,” to pull yourself back and realize, “It’s just going on in my head.”
Kylie: Yeah, what are the facts? Let’s deal with the actual factual data. What’s happened? Especially in relationships, women can go off on major tangents and make up all these crazy shit in their heads that is not real at all. To totally overgeneralize, men can have a much simpler way of experiencing a conversation than a woman does. A woman will go off on this mad spiral of, “What does he mean by that? What does that mean about our relationship? Does that mean that he’s like this or like that?” and just goes off on this tangent, when it could just be, “Oh, do you want to go to dinner tonight?” “Yeah, I do” or “No, I don’t. I’d rather stay home and watch football.” That’s it. It doesn’t mean anything. It just means he wants to watch football. So, just being aware of what’s going in your head, I guess, and dealing with that.
Vesna: Yeah, that was fantastic. So much awesome wisdom there and suggestions and some strategies to get started with. But for me, the biggest thing that I love what you said is that everyone has a power anyway. It’s just really about peeling back those blocks, getting with that stuff out of the way, getting the awareness, addressing the limitations, all the self-talk, and still keep moving through even through there’s going to be… You’ll rock the boat, there’ll be some backlash, all that kind of stuff… Who cares? But you have where you are today, you have that power right now.
Kylie: That’s right.
Vesna: And receive them all.
Kylie: Receive! And another little tip, my kind of final tip for how to actually create the transformation, is a really quick little hack that you can do. And if you haven’t watched it, definitely watch Amy Cuddy, another incredible successful woman. Amy Cuddy’s talk on power poses on TED. And so, the quick hack to feeling empowered when you need it, like if you’re going into a job interview, or you’re about to go on a date, or you need to do an interview like this or something and you’re starting to get a bit anxious or scared or need to calm down, is to use your body, your physiology, to actually change your state. So, when you’re in a positive state, you’re more likely to notice positive things and have positive empowered self-talk.
Amy’s done this incredible research that says that when we stand in a power position like Wonder Woman or Lara Croft from Tomb Raider with the leg stance wide and hands on the hips, standing strong, back straight, head up high, breathing deeply… When you stand like this for three minutes, it completely changes your biochemistry. It lowers your cortisol, your stress hormone, and it raises your testosterone. In women as well, it’s still a power hormone. And so, it will give you that boost of “Yeah, I can do this.” I’ve taught that to so many people like before job interviews. They stand in toilets and Wonder Woman that shit up. It’s important…
Vesna: Or if you’re going to get some backlash, you could totally stand in your wonder woman pose and be like, “Who cares?”
Kylie: “I don’t care. Whatever.” And use your body to actually shift your state and literally stand in your power. We’re talking about it as a metaphor, but literally standing in your power will help you to energetically, metaphorically, spiritually, emotionally stand in your power too.
Vesna: Engage the body in the process.
Kylie: Totally. Engage the body. Because when you engage the body, then it gets your energy flowing, you feel better, you’re more able to take action, and you’re more able to rest. Just like a muscle, flexing and contracting and releasing, you need both. So, you need to stand in that power and actually allow yourself to receive. You know, when you’ve got your shoulders back, it’s like your heart’s open. You know that yoga thing, heart open? You’re ready to receive.
Vesna: Love it! So much juicy wisdom there. So if people want to find out more about your work and what you’re doing and your community, where can they go?
Kylie: They can go to mymindcoach.com.au, and they will find all sort of resources. I’ve got hundreds and hundreds of blog articles and free resources on mindset and shifting your life for the better in your body and your health and your mindset and your relationships and juggling business and parenthood, all of those things.
Vesna: And you’ve got a little free gift for…?
Kylie: I do. I’ve got a hypnosis session called Clearing The Now, which is an incredible NLP process developed by an incredible woman Dr. Heidi. It’s a 10-minute recording that will help you to actually take out all the stuff. Women have so much stuff going on in their heads. They’re carrying around a list of hundreds of things… “Oh, I’ve got to remember to do this and remember to do that later, and I’ve got to do this and do that. What about the dinner? I’ve got to do that next week and I’ve got to go to the gym.” All that chatter in your head is stopping you from being present now.
So, the session is a hypnotic recording of this NLP process that helps you to actually… just like cleaning up your filing, it helps you to file the things that aren’t relating to right now in the right place. So, if it relates to next week, file it in next week. Don’t think about it now, put it in the right place. And then once you put all of those thoughts out of now and you can just be present to what you’re doing right now, it helps you to be more calm, be less stressed, be more focused, be more effective. It helps you to stop cravings. It helps you to be motivated. It helps you to sleep. If you’re going to sleep at night and you’ve got a million things in your mind, it will help you to sleep. It’s a fantastic session to just help you come back to the now moment. And so, that’s a super powerful session that I would like to give all of the Woman Reinvention transformation ladies.
Vesna: Excellent! They will love it. Thank you for that.
Kylie: Yeah, and the life wheel tool. I’ve got a life wheel tool that you can print off and work around each area of your life so that you can start to look at where you need help, where you might enlist the services of a coach. And if people want to work with me more and really get that help, this is what I do. So, I’ve got help at all sorts of different levels, from online programs all the way though to a full year of mindset mentoring with me, which includes an NLP certification for you to actually do. If you’re in business or if you’re wanting to be a coach yourself then I can’t recommend anything higher. This is what changed my life initially and everyone that learns it goes like, “Oh my god! This is incredible!” So, if you really want to take it to the next level, then that’s what I recommend.
Vesna: Awesome. Thank you so much for today. I’ve got so much out of this. There’s so many new things that I’ve learned for myself and definitely things that I need to do more of like receiving. So, that was a really good insight. Thank you so much for today!
Kylie: My pleasure. Namaste.
Kylie: It’s awesome to recognize from the light in me to the light in you. That’s what Namaste means… I recognize the light in you. So, each and every one of you, I recognize the light in you, and go shine it! Be awesome and do what you want to do.
Vesna: Step into your power!
Kylie: Step into your power! Step like Wonder Woman and go out and do it!
Vesna: We’ll sign out with our power poses.
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for clients when I had my gyms with Vision and more recently at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery.
I highly recommend her work.