I find this issue shows up so often in our work with ladies that is one of the core deep blockers that keeps on the excess layers… if you feel like this too, you’re not alone! And there is a way around this belief.
Hey team! I wanted to talk to you today about weight loss and attractiveness.
Weight loss and attractiveness is something that is kind of not really talked about that much.
When we think about weight loss and attractiveness, a whole bunch of unconscious patterns can come into play. Just recently I’ve done a couple of sessions with some clients that’s made me really think about this and want to talk about it with you.
If you feel like you’re struggling with your weight loss or you have a perfectly fine body but you’re struggling with your self-confidence and your body confidence then there can be some issues around this. And I just wanted to explain to you what’s showed up for me in my recent sessions with some clients.
The idea is that as we get slimmer then we become more attractive, right? We become healthier, we become slimmer, we’re able to wear different clothes, we feel more confident in our bodies, we’re showing up for the world in a more healthy, more vibrant, more vitality alive form so that we’re able to then radiate our light, radiate our beingness of who we are, our magnetic energy.
And as we radiate more light to the world then we become a beacon, we become more attractive. As you shine more of your light to the world then people will see you and you will show up more to the world. A lot of times that can activate unconscious fears in us – because sometimes unconsciously we believe that we’re not safe to be seen by people in the world, or that there might be some kind of danger to being seen, to being attractive.
And you only need to watch the news and see that there is domestic violence, that there are people being raped and murdered, and things happening to attractive women and regular people all around the world. So there is an inherent potential danger that you can connect unconsciously with being more attractive can mean that I am potentially more in danger. And so then your unconscious mind wants to hold on to this protective layer so that you can be protected.
What I kind of discovered recently – and it just kind of came to me in this form that I’d love to share with you – is that as your feminine power and your magnetic attractiveness and beauty rises… Because beauty is a feminine power. Beauty is an ultimate feminine power. So as you rise in your feminine energy – your beauty energy – by becoming slim and healthier, you also have to rise equally in your level of masculine energy. Your level of your ability to stay strong, to be empowered, and to set boundaries with others energetically or with your words.
I have a lot of experience with this. One of my clients was saying, “Oh, but what if someone starts to hit on me and people wolf-whistling as I’m walking down the street or that type of thing and I don’t know what to do? I dress quite modestly so that never happens.”
For many years I worked as a nightclub singer – in nightclubs obviously – and my job in nightclubs and expensive bars and cocktail bars was to walk around in evening dresses, singing songs, and talk to people and sing songs and improvise singing. I was in a relationship with my husband – but I used to get hit on a lot in that environment because I was dressed up really nicely, my hair was done, my makeup was done, I was in beautiful clothes.
I used to get hit on a lot because I was the object of the attention, because I was walking around with the microphone and singing. And I became very good at letting guys down gently but firmly – you know, like with compassion but firmly. And I would always think it takes a lot of effort to be able to come up to a girl and go “Hey, could I buy you a drink? or “Would you like to go out on a date?” or “Wow, you look amazing!”
When someone comes up to you and says that kind of thing, it actually takes a lot of courage for them to do that, and so respecting the people that come up to you in a genuine way and having compassion for that means that you can then have compassion and also hold your strength and your backbone – your masculine energy and your feminine energy rising equally.
There’s lots of beautiful connections that have come out of random meetings like that – and there’s also times where I’ve gone, “You know what, that’s not for me. This is not my thing.” You just smile and say, “Thank you. I appreciate that, but that’s not for me.”
And so the point about weight loss though is that if you can’t say that, if you don’t have permission to speak your truth and say “Thank you, but no. No, stop it…” or if someone’s being creepy and icky, then obviously you can have compassion for them in their silliness and ickiness. And so then your ability to be able to speak your boundaries and go, “No, I don’t like that, please stop” or “No, I’m not interested” and and walk away, your ability to say that is a huge part of what will make the difference to you being able to be more attractive and lose the weight, shed those extra layers – because those extra layers are a part of your protection that are stopping you from having to say, “No, I don’t like that. No, step away.”
So if you’re struggling with this chronic sense of extra layers or almost like you’re wearing a fat suit, then you need to ask yourself what are you protecting yourself from.
Because if you can’t set space boundaries around you that say “This is my space” and “Yes, I’m allowing you into my space or “No, step off. I don’t like that. Step away. I might be attractive but it doesn’t mean that I’m open for business.” You need to be able to be attractive and also step up in your ability to set your boundaries.
When you have that ability to set energetic boundaries with people then you won’t need to set a physical boundary of making yourself frumpy, putting on extra physical layers and holding that extra energy as a physical protection around your body.
In a couple of sessions with these clients, it’s really shown up for me that their chronic issues were very much linked. And certainly it’s not the only issue – lots of other choices were into play – but a big part of the unconscious barrier that was holding that weight in place was that person’s inability to set a boundary themselves, their inability to say, “No, please don’t come into my space. No, stay away from my body, you’re not invited into this space.”
And by their inability to say no, it’s almost like they were swallowing down they wanted to say no but couldn’t. Every time they wanted to say no to something that made them feel uncomfortable in their body but they didn’t, they swallow that no down – and then creates that extra pain, that discomfort in the body that then the body protects itself with extra layers.
It’s really about your ability to rise in your feminine power needs to be matched by your ability to rise in your ability to set boundaries with people. And that might be boundaries with potential people that might want to hit on you, or boundaries with family and friends that might want to encourage you to eat things that you’re choosing not to eat anymore. It might be boundaries with your partner, with your kids, with your colleagues.
It might be boundaries with your boss where you go, “You know what, I’m done for the day. I’m going to the gym. I’m going home to do a workout.” And they’re like, “Oh no, you need to stay and finish this things.” And you’re like, “Well, I’m done for the day. I’m out of here. Buh-bye.”
If you want to find out more about the deep inner work that my partner Bianca and I do with women on our Body Confidence Project, then I would love to take you through it and talk to you.
Our combination of mindset work and practical implementation is critical to be able to deal with those inner subconscious blockers that are stopping you from being able to implement all those things that you know you need to know.
Like, everyone knows they need to eat vegetables, drink water and do activity and breathe fresh air and go outside – everybody knows that – you need to sleep at night and de-stress your body. But there are so few people that are actually helping you to deal with the subconscious reasons why you’re not able to implement that.
And that’s exactly what we do in our Body Confidence Project, is help you to untangle the really complex issues at play – especially for women around their bodies, their sexuality, their boundaries and their self-worth.
If you’d love to find out more, then private message us on our page. Either Bianca or I will get back to you and have a chat with you about what’s involved and how you can get online with one of our free webinars to find out more about our next Body Confidence Project case study program.
I’d love to see you there!
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for clients when I had my gyms with Vision and more recently at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery.
I highly recommend her work.