What’s the difference? You can certainly tell by how you feel… Thriving can feel abundant, in control, efficient, joyous, powerful. Surviving can feel harried, tired, exhausted, wounded, relieved, healing.
The dictionary defines thriving as: “To make steady progress; prosper. To grow vigorously; flourish” And surviving as: “Continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship, accident or ordeal.”
When I think of surviving and thriving I think of cause and effect, and your locus of control. Where do you place the control of your life? Is it within yourself, or outside yourself? Are you the cause of your situation? Or are you at the effect of your environment and other people?
I would suggest that in many cases when you feel like you are surviving, you are at the effect of the environment, and your locus of control, your power is outside yourself, with others or the environment. You feel disempowered, this causes a thought pattern of victim-hood. “I can’t do it because…”
In contrast, when you are thriving your control is within yourself, empowered, regardless of the environmental conditions. I like to think of this as carrying my own sunshine. When you are thriving, growing and flourishing then you are “at cause” taking control of your situation, taking responsibility for yourself and creating your future. “I can… I will…”
Of course, no-one is always 100% one way or the other. How empowered and thriving you feel in any situation has to do with your habitual beliefs, thoughts, emotions and values about that situation. You might find it easy to thrive and be empowered at work, but struggle when it comes to your health, or maybe you find it easy with your health, but some days your kids can wear you down!
Surviving or thriving can change from moment to moment, depending on your perspective. Hooray! That means you can change it! You’re in charge of whether you’re empowered or not. You’re always in charge of your own thoughts, even when they’re running on auto-pilot, you’re still able to turn it back onto manual control.
Thriving begins with taking responsibility for yourself, 100%. No excuses. Accepting completely that it was your choices, thoughts and behaviours that lead you to this point. that takes courage. And it was you, wasn’t it? It was you who thought your thoughts, made your choices and did the things you did. You may have made some choices while under the impression of duress, or pressure, but ultimately no-one was holding a gun to your head. Once you’ve accepted your responsibility in getting to where you are now… then you’re back in charge! As soon as you fully accept your part in getting to where you are, then you are back in the drivers seat. Now you’re able to think new thoughts, and make new choices to create your future as you would like it.
Once you’re in the drivers seat, well where do you go? This is the ultimate question… I think many people end up simply surviving because they haven’t taken the time to think about what they want for their lives. They float along from one moment to the next, buffeted and shaped by the environment. The thriver has a long term vision, a destination on the horizon that they are determined to get to no matter what! The thriver courageously sets a course for their goals. In any given situation the person who has the most certainty and behavioural flexibility will end up controlling the situation. So develop some certainty about your destination, set goals for your life, have the courage to go after them, understand your values and priorities. Know thyself. Then work on developing your flexibility of thinking and behaving so that regardless of what happens, you always have different options available to you to keep yourself moving forward.
Some people might confuse thriving with having good circumstances or good fortune, but this thought itself is a reflection of the surviving mentality. People who are committed to thriving will find a way to get to their goals no matter how many challenges or obstacles they face along the way. They aren’t thriving because there are no obstacles, rather they view obstacles and challenges as inevitable, even enjoyable opportunities to flex their creativity and problem solving skills. Thrivers believe in their own ability to find a way to overcome any obstacle. They live in the moment, even when it is uncomfortable, and look for what they can be grateful for and what they can do to make it better.
Struggling to lose weight is an example of a surviving situation. In this case the weight itself encases and weighs you down. The environment affects you, your boyfriend eating ice-cream or the vending machine in your office influence your decisions. You’re focussing on the negatives, what you don’t want, and so the struggle continues. Instead create a mentality of thriving and focus on creating the behaviours and habits that will allow your health, vitality, energy and fitness to grow and develop day by day. Commit to doing something each day to move yourself forward. Plan. Count the small things you do each day so you can feel as if you are moving forward. Thrivers know that every step counts. Thrivers also know that it’s not always going to be easy. You will fall, and falter, sometimes it will all go pear shaped. Thrivers just get back up, dust themselves off and continue.
You know the song… Survivor?
“I’m a survivor.
I’m not goin’ give up.
I’m not goin’ stop.
I’m goin’ work harder.
I’m a survivor.
I’m goin’na make it.
I will survive.
Keep on survivin’.”
I think Beyonce has confused surviving with thriving, She is most certainly not just surviving, but has moved over into thriving… These sentiments are affirmations of a thriver!
To your success. Go out and thrive!!
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I started my business before I even finished the course. I just started putting myself out there. And now I’ve gotten it to a point where I’ve got really grounded solid message, and two years later am running a multi-6 figure coaching business as a leading pioneer in my niche, helping clients all over the world.”
“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
Before attaining my NLP Coach certification, I was an online trainer who was getting excellent results for “some” of my clients. I used a mixture of experience, intuition and an exhausting “helicopter-parent” style of accountability coaching. It was like the 20% of the clients who weren’t getting good results took up 80% of my effort, and it was draining my passion for my business. Completing my Certification with Kylie has been the best decision of my career. The very next month after finishing I created a new program and made $30,000 in new sales. I now have a repeatable system to coach my clients and I can get them both immediate AND long-lasting change, sometimes in less than 40 minutes. In the past 12 months, I have doubled my freedom and fulfilment in my business I have created raving clients who snap up my offers.”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.