The one decision you must make as a mother.

The one decision you must make as a mother.

 

It only took a week in paradise before I bubbled over…

We’ve spent one beautiful, sun-drenched, zinc-stained week in Padang Padang on a cliff-top villa in Bali with my gorgeous family who I love and adore, and this afternoon, I cracked.

As the days went on I was starting to get a little frustrated, and it doesn’t help that in a house of softly spoken people, my beautiful, spirited, light-filled toddler yells everything at the top of her lungs.  It really starts to wear me down sometimes. So even though I was on holidays in one of the worlds most beautiful spots, in a gorgeous villa, with an incredibly supportive, loving husband and amazing grandparents helping at every turn, I was not relaxed.

So after a morning of swimming & yoga interspersed with random crying tantrums and lots of yelling, and Ruby avoiding nap time, I stubbed my knee on the bed, started to cry, and disappeared for a time-out and let my husband deal with putting her to bed.

Feeling my feelings…

I had a cry for a few minutes, allowing myself to feel frustrated and annoyed at my husband for going surfing for a few hours each morning, (his special time-out which he loves) then I calmed down, the feelings passed and I had a little nap, then as I woke up, and didn’t want to move and go back inside, I asked myself what could I learn from this episode? If I was the creator of my own reality, which I know unequivocally to be true, how had I created frustration, short-temper and annoyance, in a beautiful place, on holiday with my loving family?

The answer was glaringly obvious, once I got over my little storm of emotions. In the entire week, I had not spent one second of true alone time. I am an introvert, I need time alone to recover and recharge my energy, and I had not given myself that gift. I had been doing some yoga and taking naps, but no time in quiet, alone, to recharge my spirit. It was not my husbands fault that I had not communicated this to him, or given myself the time out I needed to be at my best. It was not my little girls fault for yelling, she is a toddler and learning her way in the world, and very excited at everything being on holidays.

So I after that realisation, I stayed in that spot for close to two hours, with a good half hour of meditation, listening to the sound of the waterfall, letting my thoughts wash over me and slowly unwinding. With each sighing breath I could feel my shoulders drop, my jaw relax and my hips loosen, my cross-legged meditation pose became more and more comfortable until I dropped into the slow pulse of my spirit. The pulse that goes beyond my heartbeat, but literally feels like my whole energy field gently breathing like the lapping waves. Ah!

Sighing relief, this is what I had been seeking… Bliss.

After I finished and returned to my family, and am now writing this post, the bliss has stayed with me. Those external things that may have otherwise annoyed me, just slid right off, and I finally, really realise the importance of daily meditation and alone time. It reminds me of the infinite space between my being and the external things around me. Things and people can only influence and affect me when I choose to forget that space, or wear it thin from not giving myself permission for what I need to be at my best.  I must create that space for myself, however I can, accept the support that is offered, and not expect others to give it to me, or mind-read that I need it when I do.

The decision every mum must make.

So I have decided that for me, 20 mins daily meditation and alone time, and a few short trips away each year for business trips (which I do already) and at least one yoga-meditation type retreat ( a new addition) is a non-negotiable in my life. This is some of what I need to help fuel my spirit and be the best mum I can be. The kind of loving, compassionate mum I am most of the time. For me to be that kind of mum, I must have time when I am not “being Mum”, I am simply being ME, a woman, a singer, a songwriter, a student of yoga and meditation, a business owner, a friend, a wife, a lover, and everything else that words cannot contain.

I know some people might read this as self-indulgent or selfish, and that’s their choice. In sharing this I hope to encourage you to decide for yourself what you need for your self-care to be the best, calmest, most loving and peaceful person you can be.

What do you need each day to recharge?

  • What do you need each week?
  • Each month?
  • Each quarter?
  • Each year?

Give yourself permission to have what you need to BE who you truly are.

When you do, and you can recover that space between yourself and the world, miracles happen.

Please share your non-negotiables…

Share below what your non-negotiable self-care decisions are below… Show the world what you declare for yourself, decide and find a way to make it happen.

Oh and…

If you need a personal development retreat to help you recharge and re-fuel, I have one coming up in the beginning of October. Apply for a call to find out more about it.

Comments (2)

  1. Gosh hun this is me every single day. I get wound up as the day goes on from the yelling , the toys laid all over the house , the defiance my toddler has which makes it impossible to do any small task easily (brushing hair, brushing teeth, getting dressed all seem harder than climbing mount everest!) but I do try and remind myself she is just a 3 yr old trying to find her place and her way in our little world. It doesn't make it any easier that I am a single mom, trying to run a business from home and I just don't get a minutes break. Between a demanding toddler, my business, staff and even the cleaner/ nanny I have for a few hours in the afternoon it just feels like everyone NEEDS something from me every minute of every day. I crack often. I get exhausted. I worry I'm not a good mom because I have a short fuse…… I need to remind myself how important it is to try and find the time to take time out because its not healthy to keep taking everything on for everyone else and forget to take time for yourself. Its so weird though that when you have the opportunity to take the time you feel guilty… I need to get over that hurdle. If you don't take time for yourself to refresh , rest , rebuild yourself then you just wont have enough energy to go around 🙂

  2. I know Chimene, I can't even begin to imagine the extra pressure single mums face every day. It often boggles my mind, when I have a meltdown, I remember some people do this every day without half the support I have. It reminds me to be so grateful. And we're often our worst critics martyring ourselves in those moments when we could take some precious time for ourselves. Permission is the key, if you need to remind yourself every second of every day. "I'm allowed to make time for myself." I often tell myself this to reaffirm the importance of it…If I don't make this time for me now, and leave the to-do list for a few minutes I'm only teaching my kids to martyr themselves when they get older too! Everything can wait for your sanity. Lots of love gorgeous, I'm sure you're amazing Mumma!

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