We’ve spent one beautiful, sun-drenched, zinc-stained week in Padang Padang on a cliff-top villa in Bali with my gorgeous family who I love and adore, and this afternoon, I cracked.
As the days went on I was starting to get a little frustrated, and it doesn’t help that in a house of softly spoken people, my beautiful, spirited, light-filled toddler yells everything at the top of her lungs. It really starts to wear me down sometimes. So even though I was on holidays in one of the worlds most beautiful spots, in a gorgeous villa, with an incredibly supportive, loving husband and amazing grandparents helping at every turn, I was not relaxed.
So after a morning of swimming & yoga interspersed with random crying tantrums and lots of yelling, and Ruby avoiding nap time, I stubbed my knee on the bed, started to cry, and disappeared for a time-out and let my husband deal with putting her to bed.
I had a cry for a few minutes, allowing myself to feel frustrated and annoyed at my husband for going surfing for a few hours each morning, (his special time-out which he loves) then I calmed down, the feelings passed and I had a little nap, then as I woke up, and didn’t want to move and go back inside, I asked myself what could I learn from this episode? If I was the creator of my own reality, which I know unequivocally to be true, how had I created frustration, short-temper and annoyance, in a beautiful place, on holiday with my loving family?
The answer was glaringly obvious, once I got over my little storm of emotions. In the entire week, I had not spent one second of true alone time. I am an introvert, I need time alone to recover and recharge my energy, and I had not given myself that gift. I had been doing some yoga and taking naps, but no time in quiet, alone, to recharge my spirit. It was not my husbands fault that I had not communicated this to him, or given myself the time out I needed to be at my best. It was not my little girls fault for yelling, she is a toddler and learning her way in the world, and very excited at everything being on holidays.
So I after that realisation, I stayed in that spot for close to two hours, with a good half hour of meditation, listening to the sound of the waterfall, letting my thoughts wash over me and slowly unwinding. With each sighing breath I could feel my shoulders drop, my jaw relax and my hips loosen, my cross-legged meditation pose became more and more comfortable until I dropped into the slow pulse of my spirit. The pulse that goes beyond my heartbeat, but literally feels like my whole energy field gently breathing like the lapping waves. Ah!
After I finished and returned to my family, and am now writing this post, the bliss has stayed with me. Those external things that may have otherwise annoyed me, just slid right off, and I finally, really realise the importance of daily meditation and alone time. It reminds me of the infinite space between my being and the external things around me. Things and people can only influence and affect me when I choose to forget that space, or wear it thin from not giving myself permission for what I need to be at my best. I must create that space for myself, however I can, accept the support that is offered, and not expect others to give it to me, or mind-read that I need it when I do.
So I have decided that for me, 20 mins daily meditation and alone time, and a few short trips away each year for business trips (which I do already) and at least one yoga-meditation type retreat ( a new addition) is a non-negotiable in my life. This is some of what I need to help fuel my spirit and be the best mum I can be. The kind of loving, compassionate mum I am most of the time. For me to be that kind of mum, I must have time when I am not “being Mum”, I am simply being ME, a woman, a singer, a songwriter, a student of yoga and meditation, a business owner, a friend, a wife, a lover, and everything else that words cannot contain.
I know some people might read this as self-indulgent or selfish, and that’s their choice. In sharing this I hope to encourage you to decide for yourself what you need for your self-care to be the best, calmest, most loving and peaceful person you can be.
When you do, and you can recover that space between yourself and the world, miracles happen.
Share below what your non-negotiable self-care decisions are below… Show the world what you declare for yourself, decide and find a way to make it happen.
If you need a personal development retreat to help you recharge and re-fuel, I have one coming up in the beginning of October. Apply for a call to find out more about it.
Of course I am still learning and growing, but the course has really helped. Thank you”