Triggering clients is not necessary for healing
I am seeing something in the emotional healing space that is important to talk about. I have seen this a few times with different people which is why I’m bringing it up as a general reflection.
When helping a client face parts of their unconscious that is upsetting or difficult for them to see, it is essential to create a lot of safety in the space with preframing, so that your client understands that they are not their behaviour or unconscious patterns, and then will be more open to change them without being triggered and shutting down….
You can preframe by telling stories to set up unconscious satety cushions for your clients, so that they have more resources to face their challenges.
Here’s some things I preframe when I know we are going into territory that is uncovering new and potentially ego-challenging ideas…
“We all have challenges and blind spots.
If you are doing a behaviour like XX that you know you wouldn’t consciously choose to do, but you’re doing it anyway, then some part of your unconscious mind that you are not aware of ( some call this shadow) is running that behaviour.
We all have shadow behaviours. It’s not that they are bad or anything like that, they are just in our blind spots.
They are usually the result of past programming or decisions we are no longer consciously aware of.
So…
In our work together, we get to go on a journey to discover the places in your mind where you may have some old outdated programming that is causing behaviour that you would like to let go of…
Sometimes when we find that old programming it’s not always easy to see it.
It’s important to remember that you are not your behaviours.
You are not your beliefs.
You are not your past.
You are so much more than any of that.
I’m here to help you see through and beyond your current limitations and blind spots.
So when we find the frames of mind or limited programming, we can celebrate together, remembering that it’s not you, it’s just an old program you’re ready to see and let go of…
…just like when you discover you have some spinach stuck in your teeth when you’re out with friends…
the minute you see it, you get back the CHOICE to do something different.
While it’s in your blind spot it’s still pulling strings and affecting you without you knowing it.
So are you ready and willing to discover the causes of this X behaviour or problem?”
If you bring up archetypes / beliefs / challenging ideas without preframing like this, you may break rapport, as the client may feel threatened and judged, (even if that is not your intention) lose trust, and may feel you are being aggressive or judging them.
Deliberately triggering clients is NOT a recommended method of helping them to heal.
Unintentionally triggering clients can happen when you don’t preframe enough safety cushions first to help the client separate their Self from the behaviour or belief they are wanting to let go of.
Brushing off client feedback after triggering them as “just their projections” is not best practice, and feeds into a drama cycle that places the practitioner in the aggressor role and the client in the victim role.
We can hold ourselves to higher standards of practice, so that we don’t unintentionally hurt while trying to help.
Hope this gives some useful scripting and ideas on how to bring up challenging topics in a way that helps the client to be willing, and feel safe for you to help them move through and beyond it…
If you’d like to learn more about the nuances of becoming a great coach and uncovering your coaching superpowers, let’s CHAT on messenger here.
Kylie x
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