If you’ve ever had a client that you felt was uncoachable, I have a question to ask you:
Was it an uncoachable client?
Or were you being at that point in time an incompetent coach?
Hard-hitting questions which are necessary for the integrity and value and ethical standards of our industry.
I see this being bandied around sometimes in coaching groups or coach marketing groups where, “Oh, the client was just uncoachable and they didn’t do what I asked them to do.”
I am totally mind reading here and it is based on my years of experience as a coach.
What’s happening here is that you are likely to be a coach that is a skills-based coach.
A coach that is a skills-based coach is teaching a particular skill something that they have mastered themselves and are good at and are giving advice, consulting, teaching of that particular skill.
And so then when a coach that is a skills-based coach teaches someone the skill and they don’t do the skill, they don’t follow through, they don’t do the thing, then the coach that is a skills-based coach or not a mindset coach will call the client uncoachable.
This video has been triggered or inspired by my friend Shanti Zimmermann, who is a fabulous coach, who teaches and coaches about boundaries.
This is the key difference between a teacher and a coach.
And lots of skills-based coaches do not have the skills to genuinely coach genuinely coach someone who is willing but struggling with their own internal resistance or self-sabotage.
So if you have a client that is coming to you that wants to make a change, that is paying you, and that wants to do some kind of change in their life and they are working with you actively and showing up for their appointments and being there and yet they’re not following through on the particular behaviors that you’re asking them to do, then they are not an uncoachable client.
Said with absolute love and honoring of the gap between – if you’re calling your client uncoachable – where you are and where you could be.
This is breaking two very basic rules, two basic presuppositions that are talked about in NLP practitioner training. And that’s these presuppositions that a person is not their behavior and the most important thing about a person is their behavior.
It kind of seems paradoxical or contradictory.
That’s because in NLP we know that there is a separation between the person and their behavior and that if they’re exhibiting some kind of specific behavior then it is because there is a set of beliefs, values, mindsets, meta-programs, identities that are tracking through unconsciously to create that behavior.
And most often, when a client enlists a coach to help them get a result, it is because they haven’t been able to get the result themselves.
So, there is never a lack of information of what we’re supposed to do. You just need to look on the internet to get free advice about how to save money, lose weight, find a relationship, get a job.
There is a plethora of information out there. There is no lacking of information. But what is lacking is internal congruence to be able to follow through on that information. The knowing-doing gap mindset, coaches call it.
And so we know often what we need to do and yet sometimes we struggle to do it. We struggle to implement, we struggle to take action.
And that doesn’t mean that we’re uncoachable as a client.
If we’re a client that is doing this, it means that there is internal resistance that needs to be coached. It needs to be tracked, figured out what is the blockage and that block to be cleared somehow using whatever process or modality that you work through and you use to clear resistance.
If you are unable to clear resistance of following through in a client, my friend, you are not a coach, you are a teacher.
And if you are calling yourself a coach and you are actually a teacher but you would like to be a coach and be able to coach through those uncoachable clients that aren’t following through on what you’re telling them to do…
If you would like to be able to coach through those blockages to figure out where they are, to understand what’s going on and why a person will want to do something consciously, like consciously want to be going in a particular direction but unconsciously be going in the other direction…
It’s like there are mixed wires in their mind.
And when someone has mixed wires in their mind, they will behave in ways that seem counter to what they’re saying that they want to what they’re saying that they want.
It doesn’t mean they’re uncoachable, it means that they need coaching. Real coaching. Coaching that asks questions. Coaching that gets to the bottom of the resistance that the client is facing and helps them unlock it.
And when you are a coach that can get to the bottom of the resistance that a client is facing and help them unlock it then, my friend, you are a coach and you will never ever ever have uncoachable clients ever.
You might at some point have clients that you decide for whatever reason are not a fit and you refer on to other people – but you will never have an uncoachable client that is coming to you for help and you go, “Well, they’re just uncoachable.”
It just blows my mind that this happens. You know, there’s so much wrong with this, of a coach calling a client uncoachable.
For starters, they’re putting a fixed identity upon them that is based on a particular behavior which totally collapses behavior and identity. It is blaming the client for the issue when clearly it is incompetence on the coach’s behalf.
If a client is paying you and wanting a result and yet not being able to follow through for whatever reason then they need help, they need coaching. And if you’re unable to coach them then it is time to upskill.
I have put together a program, an online program that really helps coaches become better coaches.
It is the online version of my NLP practitioner training course and my Goddess Body Quest, which is like a personal growth evolution course, and live Q&A supervision monthly sessions to help you become a better coach, so that you can shift from just being a skill teacher to a genuine transformational awakener a change maker, someone that can create change in people.
And when you can create change in people, you will never ever ever experience uncoachable clients.
You will always be able to help someone no matter where they come and no matter how stuck they might be – because you will know how to navigate the unconscious mind, and the blocks, and resistance, and sabotage, and interferences that people put up when they say they want something but they haven’t been able to do it yet because they have all that resistance.
If they didn’t have that resistance, they would have plenty done it already. Right?
They would have done it already and they wouldn’t need a coach.
So if you can’t coach them through their resistance, you need some extra skills. I’d love to help you with it.
If you’d like to know more, message SKILLS in the comments below and we can have a little message chat and see if the Growth Collective is right for you upskill and discover what a fabulous coach you could be and you can be when you get those skills under your belt to help people through their resistance.
You never need to blame them ever again.
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for clients when I had my gyms with Vision and more recently at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery.
I highly recommend her work.