Hey guys! I’ve just finished a session with an absolute legend – and one of the learnings that came through I just had to share with you, because it’s really super profound and powerful, and it’s so freaking simple.
When you are in a conversation with someone, what if your reasoning, intellectual, intelligent mind was less attached to your own position and more open to just having a conversation with the person that you’re talking to?
What if you were less attached to being right in your relationship with your partner?
What if you were less attached to being right in your relationship with your kids?
What if you are less attached to being right in your conversations with your clients or customers?
What if you could open your heart and your mind to experiencing a different perception, a different way of thinking about something, a different way of feeling about something?
We’re all individuated consciousness and we all experience life through our own filters, through our own beliefs, through our own metaprograms, through our own attitudes, through our own experiences – and those experiences of a situation get filtered into our mind and become our version of reality.
That is our truth. That is out map of reality. That’s what feels right to us.
But with the bystander effect, you can have 10 people watching a particular event and they will have 10 different experiences and accounts of that situation.
Are any of those accounts more right that any of the other ones?
When we become so attached in our mental body, in our thinking mind, in our reasoning intellect to being superior, to being right, to winning an argument, then we lose our ability to feel, we close down our ability to connect with that person – and we end up like this, butting heads, getting into drama, having fights, having arguments, losing energy and presence and joy because we’re attached to an argument.
So I want to offer you this learning… What if you were less attached to being right?
And in a practical sense, in a really practical sense, you can change this linguistically by substituting BUT for YES AND.
When you substitute “blah blah blah blah blah but” and you start with “but nanananana my perspective”, then you’re in an argument and you’re discounting whatever the thing was that happened before the but.
And so then you can start to expand your consciousness beyond the concepts of right and wrong to go, “Oh, here’s this concept. Oh, here’s this concept.”
We can both have different concepts and we can both be right, we can both be true in our own perception and neither one needs to make the other one wrong.
When we have that love and acceptance for each other’s opinions, for each other’s perceptions, then we can start a conversation, then we have rapport. And then the other person will actually listen to you.
If you genuinely have something important that you want to communicate to this other person then starting with “yes and” and acknowledging and honoring their position rather than starting in with an argument, then you will have a far greater chance of actually influencing and offering that communication or that idea to that other person.
We only accept ideas and communication from people that we feel care about us, that we have rapport with. If we don’t have rapport then we’re just going to think that you’re a jerk in whatever you say and come up against it – and there will be a wall between the communication.
What if you allowed other positions to also be right?
What if you even let go of the idea of right and wrong and allowed yourself to experience different perceptions?
It’s an idea. Take it. Don’t take it. It might help.
See how you go.
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
“I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for my gym clients at both Vision Personal Training & now at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery as fitness leaders. At my recent Fitness Business event, my gym owner colleagues were blown away by her talk, saying she is the best speaker they have ever seen. After every event we always get rave reviews about her talks and training. I highly recommend Kylie’s work as a coach & speaker.”
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I am feeling so lucky at the moment. So many things are just falling into my lap. I visualise it and set my intention to manifest it and it comes. Things such as getting more clients, needing help to put my business online, not knowing how to get known in my local community etc. Courses / insights / clients have just fallen into my lap at the right time.”
Of course I am still learning and growing, but the course has really helped. Thank you”
“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.