Hey guys! I’ve just finished a session with an absolute legend – and one of the learnings that came through I just had to share with you, because it’s really super profound and powerful, and it’s so freaking simple.
When you are in a conversation with someone, what if your reasoning, intellectual, intelligent mind was less attached to your own position and more open to just having a conversation with the person that you’re talking to?
What if you were less attached to being right in your relationship with your partner?
What if you were less attached to being right in your relationship with your kids?
What if you are less attached to being right in your conversations with your clients or customers?
What if you could open your heart and your mind to experiencing a different perception, a different way of thinking about something, a different way of feeling about something?
We’re all individuated consciousness and we all experience life through our own filters, through our own beliefs, through our own metaprograms, through our own attitudes, through our own experiences – and those experiences of a situation get filtered into our mind and become our version of reality.
That is our truth. That is out map of reality. That’s what feels right to us.
But with the bystander effect, you can have 10 people watching a particular event and they will have 10 different experiences and accounts of that situation.
Are any of those accounts more right that any of the other ones?
When we become so attached in our mental body, in our thinking mind, in our reasoning intellect to being superior, to being right, to winning an argument, then we lose our ability to feel, we close down our ability to connect with that person – and we end up like this, butting heads, getting into drama, having fights, having arguments, losing energy and presence and joy because we’re attached to an argument.
So I want to offer you this learning… What if you were less attached to being right?
And in a practical sense, in a really practical sense, you can change this linguistically by substituting BUT for YES AND.
When you substitute “blah blah blah blah blah but” and you start with “but nanananana my perspective”, then you’re in an argument and you’re discounting whatever the thing was that happened before the but.
And so then you can start to expand your consciousness beyond the concepts of right and wrong to go, “Oh, here’s this concept. Oh, here’s this concept.”
We can both have different concepts and we can both be right, we can both be true in our own perception and neither one needs to make the other one wrong.
When we have that love and acceptance for each other’s opinions, for each other’s perceptions, then we can start a conversation, then we have rapport. And then the other person will actually listen to you.
If you genuinely have something important that you want to communicate to this other person then starting with “yes and” and acknowledging and honoring their position rather than starting in with an argument, then you will have a far greater chance of actually influencing and offering that communication or that idea to that other person.
We only accept ideas and communication from people that we feel care about us, that we have rapport with. If we don’t have rapport then we’re just going to think that you’re a jerk in whatever you say and come up against it – and there will be a wall between the communication.
What if you allowed other positions to also be right?
What if you even let go of the idea of right and wrong and allowed yourself to experience different perceptions?
It’s an idea. Take it. Don’t take it. It might help.
See how you go.
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for clients when I had my gyms with Vision and more recently at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery.
I highly recommend her work.