When is helping not really helping?

When is helping not really helping?

Do you have someone in your life that you help a lot?

Perhaps it’s someone that you feel drawn to, or who needed a leg up or helping hand when they were in dire straights, and you felt really good about offering them assistance.  Maybe they reminded you of yourself when you needed some help in the past, and you were passing on the goodwill or trying to be nice.

Helping people is a wonderful thing to do, when it comes from a place of overflow and love.

However there are times when helping people can draw you into a drama cycle without you realising it. If you find yourself helping people all the time, without feeling a fair exchange of energy, then you might have unwittingly become a rescuer.

When you fall into a rescuer position, the other person becomes the victim. Then the “helping” relationship actually prevents both of you from moving forward into your power.

When the other person leans on you repeatedly for help, they never have to step up to find their own resourcefulness and value.

And if you repeatedly give of your time, energy and support without a fair exchange, then you are undervaluing your own worth, and distracting yourself from serving people who are an energetic match for you, who can easily see and invest in your value.

Check through your business and personal relationships and assess if you feel there is an equal exchange of value and “lightness” to the interactions.

If there is just a whiff of drama cycle to it, the relationship will begin to feel “heavier”.

Remember, if this has happened, it’s ok, there’s no-one to blame.

No-one has done anything wrong, sometimes it just happens as we all play out resolving past issues and clearing limitations in our lives.  Both of you co-created the relationship as it is now.

And if it’s time for the relationship to evolve into equals, then perhaps it’s time for you to kindly and clearly state the boundaries that you now expect, and let the other person step into their power and either accept the new relationship, or move on to something else.

Helping is just martyrdom if you don’t feel 100% joyous in the giving.

When you accept and honour your own value, you give permission for everyone who is in contact with you to fully step up and honour THEIR value too. So by setting the new boundaries you are actually helping everyone in a far deeper and more profound, lasting way.

with love and gratitude,

Kylie x

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