When a wounded healer shows up

Transcript

This is for coaches, healers, helpers of any kind, who feel like they’re not getting the results in their life that they really want to be getting, that their genius deserves.

I was just talking to one of the graduates of my Legacy Leaders NLP course and we were talking about what is the Wounded Healer and what does that even mean.

Does that mean that you’re teaching something that you haven’t yet mastered yourself?

Because that would be out of integrity.

If I’m teaching weight loss and I haven’t yet mastered my own health and well-being, am I out of integrity?

And my perspective on that is that the Wounded Healer is not necessarily teaching something that they haven’t mastered themselves even though their journey might be an ongoing journey.

Like one of my fabulous graduates who is doing an incredible, incredible job, Suzanne Culberg. She works in weight loss, helping people who struggle with obesity, and have a long and winding weight loss journey.

Now, she probably would say herself that she’s not where she wants to be in her ultimate outcome – but she has had incredible success, losing over 70 kilos herself and now building a tribe of women who also have complex relationships with their bodies.

You can have success and also continue to be on your journey and help those people who are behind you on their journeys.

The Wounded Healer, in my understanding, is a healer, a helper, a coach, someone who is working in the field helping others in some capacity, and they have results, and are helping people from the integrity of the results that they have mastered. And yet, they still have other wounds that are preventing them from fully showing up in the world in a really powerful way.

When you have other wounds, then there is this understanding or this perspective that when you are in the helping professions, that you need to have all your shit together, and that people will put you on a pedestal, and you need to be perfect, and you need to kind of only show up when you’ve got everything together.

And I get that. I’ve been there with that.

The interesting piece that I’ve uncovered from my own journey is that in the imperfection and in the showing up when you’re like in your deepest darkest wounds and saying, “Please help me.”

That’s not very inspiring. So, I would recommend doing your own inner work.

But when you have come to a place of stability, being able to share authentically where you’re at and know that in your vulnerable sharing, you can still be inspiring for the other people that are behind you on their own journeys.

And that in standing up in your truth after you’ve worked through something, even though you know that there is more to go, you are remembering your power.

The Wounded Healer can get caught in a never-ending mouse trap of healing, healing, healing, healing.

“Oh, I can’t do it because I have more to heal.”

“I can’t show up because there’s still more to do.”

“Oh, I’m not perfect yet, so I can’t show up.”

In the constantly looking for things to heal and never fully showing up as in power, then they never get the results that they truly want and are then comparing themselves to other people who seem to have the results that they want and then minimizing themselves, minimizing their own wisdom, and not truly standing in their genius.

Talent vs. Skills vs. Genius

I learned this piece just the other day and it’s brilliant. It’s truly brilliant.

I learned it in a conversation with my friend and colleague, Dane Tomas, who created the Spiral.

We were talking about the difference between being in your talent, versus your skills, versus your genius. And it was a question that he had learned from Lana Johnson, who is a fabulous magical teacher.

And so, this piece around genius, I was like, “Oh, yeah. That’s really good. That’s really good.”

All credit to Lana for that question.

I wonder how many people feel minimized because they don’t yet have the skills of someone else, and so they feel like they can’t get out there – but minimizing their own unique gifts,
their own unique skills, their own unique perspectives, and insights, and talents, and things that come really naturally to them.

One of my graduates that I was having a session with just last night, she really, really wants to be an author and speaker – and she’s a fucking awesome writer. Like really funny, really insightful, really powerful and meaningful writing that cuts to the heart of things.

And she thought that she needed to be a coach in order to get the money to then go and be helping people in a kind of direct way in order to then be an author and then be a speaker.

We realized that she’s not really a hundred percent confident in her coaching – but she’s really a genius at her writing.

And so, when we kind of unpacked and I was taking her through Level Seven, the purpose level of the Spiral.

We were doing some one-on-one deep coaching work, and she was like, “Oh, maybe I don’t have to be a coach, maybe I could just be a speaker and author, and I could keep my beautiful corporate job that I love to support me while I write my book.”

And I was like, “Yes, do that. That sounds amazing.”

You don’t have to follow the path that other people have followed.

You don’t have to do the next step just because it seems like it’s the next step.

I would encourage anybody to reflect on what’s your next step.

What’s your next step?

I think so many people who go down the self-healing pathway think that they need to become a coach to monetize their healing journey – because that seems like the pathway that their mentor went on or that their teacher went on.

Like, that was my pathway. I did a healing journey and did the training and the training was healing. Then I started working with clients. And I loved coaching.

It’s like a big part of my mission – but it’s not everybody’s mission.

It might not be your mission.

And I think a lot of people get excited by the coaching healing journey for their own personal growth and then unconsciously pick up the pathway that, “Oh, I need to be a coach because that seems like the next step.”

I just wanted to talk about that because it may not be the next step. It may be something else.

And just for you to have some kind of self-inquiry…

Do you love this work that you’re doing?

Or is it a kind of interim “make money while I get things together so that I can do something else”?

Because when you’re in that kind of way of showing up to the world, where you’re doing something as an interim before you can do something else there’s a lot of people that say, “Go all in, quit your job, and do the thing. Just jump in the deep end.”

I get that that’s appropriate for some people. You know, fully backing yourself and balls-to-the-wall. That kind of thing. But it’s not appropriate for everybody.

And I tend to prefer to live more in the shades of gray and in incremental steps, moving from one step to another, to another, to another, to get to where you want to go.

And there’s a place for both.

But I think there is an overemphasis on going all in, and quitting your job, and don’t be a slave to the man and you have to get your freedom, and you have to be an entrepreneur, and you have to run your own thing.

Well, that’s not for everybody.

Some people’s role and some people’s gift is to change the system from the inside by just being a light inside a system. And they get their security and joy from that.

And then they can do other things at other times.

There’s so many ways that we can live our lives and that is as unique as we are.

So I think there’s this piece around wounded healers minimizing themselves because they’re still on the healing journey. They haven’t yet revealed their true genius because they don’t realize that there is a possibility for them to live a life of genius, of being in their genius.

And there are things that you can do that only you can do.

And like that beautiful Albert Einstein quote:

If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live it’s whole life thinking that it’s stupid.

Each of us have our own special swimming space, our own special thing that we can do. If we’re each different animals, taking this metaphor to the next level, then you need to find your own environment where you can run free and live your truth.

When we stop comparing ourselves to others and stop comparing ourselves to other people’s journeys and start to carve out our own journey and go:

“Oh, I like that bit from there. And I like that bit from there.”

“Oh, I like the way that they’re doing that”

“Oh, I really want to have the freedom that I see that person having.”

But it doesn’t mean that you have to follow their path. It just means that you want that aspect of that value that they’re embodying.

Where then can you find that value in yourself?

And how can you grow that value in yourself rather than just doing what they do?

This piece has been coming through that I need to do a new completely brand new course integrating all of these really high frequency insights that I’ve been receiving since Lion’s Gate just a couple of days ago.

For anyone who feels like a Wounded Healer, who is operating just from their skills and the things that they’ve been trained but not yet stepped into their full genius and is afraid to reveal themselves to the world for fear of being judged, for fear of what their family will think, for fear of what might happen, write the word REVEAL below.

I’m going to put together a new live beautiful container for us to start to unpack your genius and weave it into your life, so that you can really stand in the power of your uniqueness that nobody else has.

Because there are unique things that only you have that can’t be compared to anybody else. And by keeping them hidden, trying to follow someone else’s journey, you’re always going to be a step behind because you don’t fit in that box.

I’d like to finish with one of my geniuses, which is to sing:

Why should I feel discouraged

Why should the shadows come

Why should my heart feel lonely and long for heaven

When Jesus is my portion

A constant friend is he

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know he watches over me

Yes, I sing because I’m happy

and I sing because I’m free

His eye is on the sparrow

and I know he watches over me

If you would like to reveal your genius, whatever it might be, and integrate it into your soul work, however that shows up, then write REVEAL below.

I’d like to take you on a journey to help you reveal the things that are special to you, that light your soul up, that make you feel joy. Whether it makes money or not, it doesn’t matter. It allows you to show up as more of you, which is unique and beautiful and worthy.

It’s fun to show up as your true self.

So, REVEAL below.

Lots of love.

I’ll see you on the other side.

Kylie x