I posted this on my Facebook page the other day and thought I’d write an article on it, because it bears repeating. If you’re a “People Pleaser” you really need to read this. You might just be wasting your time. Of course, it is wonderful to be considerate and kind and thoughtful, however when you subjugate your own needs under the mistaken thinking that you can make people happy, you’re only doing yourself and the other person a disservice.
You can’t make people happy. Every single person is in charge of their own emotions. You can be considerate, authentic, compassionate & kind, and still that may not make other people happy. That’s because they will perceive your actions through their own filters and beliefs. It’s not your responsibility or problem. Just be true to yourself and let the chips fall where they may.
Between every stimulus and response, there is a gap. So no matter what anyone else says, or does in your presence, you can choose your response to that stimulus. Irrespective of what the stimulus is (i.e. what the other person has said or done) you have a million or more options as your response: cry, laugh, run away, fall to the floor, ignore it, punch them, walk away, scream, talk gibberish, there’s just the first few that came to my mind… Sometimes your usual responses to people become so habitual that you forget there is a gap there and you have the ability to choose a different response.
So regardless of how nice and caring you think you are, you may not make another person happy. They need to choose to be happy themselves, your actions might influence that choice, but the choice is ultimately up to them. And it works both ways. No one can make you happy either. Or sad. Or mad. Or fearful. You choose to feel that way. So does everybody else.
How you choose to feel often has very little to do with the present moment and more to do with the weight of your thoughts, feelings and beliefs and decisions from the past. People’s reactions to you aren’t about you at all, they’re about that persons perception of you. Their filters. Their beliefs. Their emotions. And your thoughts and feelings about other people are about you. You have the choice and ultimate power in every moment to make a decision about how you choose to perceive the world. This is an incredible power, if you want to read an inspiring story about how one person used this power to survive the holocaust, check out – Man’s Search for Meaning – Viktor E. Frankl
Till then just remember you’re in charge of your own emotions and everybody else is in charge of theirs. Interesting twist on reality, isn’t it?
I’ve passed the big 4-0! I’ve now ‘released’ 48kgs, since the birth of my son 2 years ago. To Kylie, Selina and all my GBQ sisters, you helped me to get out of my own way, so I could coach my inner critic and encourage my cheerleader. I am getting my pre-babies mojo back and am in a better headspace than when I was fighting fit! I feel like GBQ really delivered on the greatest gift, self-love and clarity, and has given me the confidence and conviction to continue my journey! Thank you.
With Kylie’s help I released the hopelessness & anger I was using as an excuse, and have stepped out of my shell with a vengeance! I’m now clear on what I want to do with my life and I’m taking steps towards making it a reality, and in doing so my entire eating habits have changed… the ‘hunger subsided’ & I’ve stuck to my better eating habits and gym workouts easily. It’s been amazing!
Working with Kylie has been life changing. Kylie helped me get back in touch with my own body, taught me how to nourish myself and get my glowing, gorgeous body. She helped me move from self-loathing to self-love. She taught me how to consciously turn down the critical voice and turn up my inner cheerleader. Without a doubt starting with your mindset is the first place to start on your weight loss journey. Lasting results for sure and totally life changing!
What I have gotten out of the course can’t be measured. I glow from the inside out! For the first time in years; I am happy because I am happy! I love myself – I can actually look in a mirror with no self loathing… I love the woman smiling back at me and not just because my body has changed on the outside – I have changed from the inside and it is a reflection!
Everything has really changed, I finally let the girl inside out. I feel like my life has really just started. I’ve had a massive increase in personal power (from zero), sense of possibility, happiness, resilience, CONFIDENCE! Reached my first weight loss goal, I have gone from a size 12 to an 8-10. I love myself and respect myself for the first time, I cannot express how much this has changed me. Thank you does not even cut it.
I have been struggling with my weight and feeling of not being good enough for as long as I can remember…This has changed for me now. I have had more awakenings and realisations and learnings than I thought possible in the past few months. This really is SOOOOO not about the weight. I TOTALLY get that now.
I have loads more energy… I’m eating so well and exercising when I can. With my 1st baby I couldn’t cope with the emotional roller-coaster that is pregnancy. I ate, and ate, and ate non-stop. My head is in such a great place at the moment. I owe it all to Kylie and your Goddess Body Quest program x