I posted this on my Facebook page the other day and thought I’d write an article on it, because it bears repeating. If you’re a “People Pleaser” you really need to read this. You might just be wasting your time. Of course, it is wonderful to be considerate and kind and thoughtful, however when you subjugate your own needs under the mistaken thinking that you can make people happy, you’re only doing yourself and the other person a disservice.
You can’t make people happy. Every single person is in charge of their own emotions. You can be considerate, authentic, compassionate & kind, and still that may not make other people happy. That’s because they will perceive your actions through their own filters and beliefs. It’s not your responsibility or problem. Just be true to yourself and let the chips fall where they may.
Between every stimulus and response, there is a gap. So no matter what anyone else says, or does in your presence, you can choose your response to that stimulus. Irrespective of what the stimulus is (i.e. what the other person has said or done) you have a million or more options as your response: cry, laugh, run away, fall to the floor, ignore it, punch them, walk away, scream, talk gibberish, there’s just the first few that came to my mind… Sometimes your usual responses to people become so habitual that you forget there is a gap there and you have the ability to choose a different response.
So regardless of how nice and caring you think you are, you may not make another person happy. They need to choose to be happy themselves, your actions might influence that choice, but the choice is ultimately up to them. And it works both ways. No one can make you happy either. Or sad. Or mad. Or fearful. You choose to feel that way. So does everybody else.
How you choose to feel often has very little to do with the present moment and more to do with the weight of your thoughts, feelings and beliefs and decisions from the past. People’s reactions to you aren’t about you at all, they’re about that persons perception of you. Their filters. Their beliefs. Their emotions. And your thoughts and feelings about other people are about you. You have the choice and ultimate power in every moment to make a decision about how you choose to perceive the world. This is an incredible power, if you want to read an inspiring story about how one person used this power to survive the holocaust, check out – Man’s Search for Meaning – Viktor E. Frankl
Till then just remember you’re in charge of your own emotions and everybody else is in charge of theirs. Interesting twist on reality, isn’t it?
“Having ongoing training is essential for our team and our business. It’s important to look after the people that look after others. Kylie has the experience, professionalism and knowledge to engage with our team and help them understand about human behaviour and why people do what they do. In the wellness and health industry it’s a different sales and service delivery and it’s imperative to keep on top of these understandings to perform at our best to help others. We couldn’t recommend Kylie high enough.”
“I have worked with Kylie over many years. She has helped me as a Business Mindset Coach, as a motivational speaker for my gym clients at both Vision Personal Training & now at Flow Athletic. I bring her in to train my Personal Training teams in mindset, communication and how to coach our clients better and excel in our own personal mastery as fitness leaders. At my recent Fitness Business event, my gym owner colleagues were blown away by her talk, saying she is the best speaker they have ever seen. After every event we always get rave reviews about her talks and training. I highly recommend Kylie’s work as a coach & speaker.”
“I finished the Spiritual Awakening Course yesterday and I found it truly amazing. An incredible next step after our coach training. I feel so much more enlightened and “opened-up”. It has really opened my eyes to the power of the universe and the energy flowing in each of us. I loved it – thank you.
I am feeling so lucky at the moment. So many things are just falling into my lap. I visualise it and set my intention to manifest it and it comes. Things such as getting more clients, needing help to put my business online, not knowing how to get known in my local community etc. Courses / insights / clients have just fallen into my lap at the right time.”
Of course I am still learning and growing, but the course has really helped. Thank you”
“Before I met Kylie I was feeling very lost working full time in law in Sydney CBD. I’ve known my whole life that I was here to help people, but I just didn’t know exactly how. So when I found Kylie, it just was really fitting that it was going to help me ground my magic. I started the coach training and had an amazing time. It was beautiful to go through the process of having a mentor that had that spiritual element and that holistic element, as well as the very grounded science-based knowledge as well. So that really helped me to conjure that for myself.
I started my business before I even finished the course. I just started putting myself out there. And now I’ve gotten it to a point where I’ve got really grounded solid message, and two years later am running a multi-6 figure coaching business as a leading pioneer in my niche, helping clients all over the world.”
“Before I signed up with Kylie I had a busy PT business… I was exhausted and on the brink of burnout and no matter how hard I tried, I had reached a ceiling in my income that I just couldn’t break through. After completing my NLP Coaching certification, I found my true voice and the energy of my business has been completely transformed. I’ve created an online program, up-levelled my entire business and totally smashed my previous income goals. I make decisions more confidently and I can help my clients create change in their life even faster. On a personal level, NLP gave me the inner strength to leave a toxic situation and rebuild myself which lead to me discovering the love of my life! Today I am living the life that I’ve always wanted – but just hadn’t been able to put into words. I have never been this happy or this powerful. If you want to manifest the life of your dreams I would not hesitate to reach out for help from Kylie.”
Before attaining my NLP Coach certification, I was an online trainer who was getting excellent results for “some” of my clients. I used a mixture of experience, intuition and an exhausting “helicopter-parent” style of accountability coaching. It was like the 20% of the clients who weren’t getting good results took up 80% of my effort, and it was draining my passion for my business. Completing my Certification with Kylie has been the best decision of my career. The very next month after finishing I created a new program and made $30,000 in new sales. I now have a repeatable system to coach my clients and I can get them both immediate AND long-lasting change, sometimes in less than 40 minutes. In the past 12 months, I have doubled my freedom and fulfilment in my business I have created raving clients who snap up my offers.”
I signed up with Kylie because I knew that to have a bigger effect as a PT I needed to improve my understanding of how the mind works. Through NLP Coach training I now have great coaching techniques that break through all sorts of negative behaviour patterns. I’ve noticed big improvements in all areas of my life including my own personal finances and my client retention. This has allowed me new freedom to work on scaling my business and helping even more people with less one on one time from myself. The coach training has given me the ability to fully unlock the power of your mindset and those that don’t have this skill are only tapping into a small amount of their potential.
This morning I had a kick-ass coaching session with Kylie Ryan. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she’s the perfect person to help me integrate the rapid transformations I go through regularly. I’d been getting this vision of my fully mature creative and entrepreneurial self. His discipline, commitment, and command of wealth was 10x what mine is now, but it wasn’t really about money for him. Our coaching sessions usually roll with me saying, “Kylie, I want to be, do, and have EVERYTHING” and Kylie helping me find the archetypes and parts that aren’t integrated and bringing them together. MAGICK HAPPENS EVERY TIME.